[beauflow]

It honestly doesn't Matter, most people disagree or they are unable to understand because it's in our nature to matter. some people it would rock their very foundation to have that doubt that they matter and yet I am aware there's many like me who feel they don't matter.

I give to the point that I feel used, and when forcing myself to give more when used as suggested by professionals at times, it clear that they dont unfortunately.

So sorry for the space. No need to reply because I am deleting the original post

[MickeyCheeky]

I am so sorry you're feeling this way, @beauflow! Personally I do believe we all do matter. However, it is important to acknowledge that we do not matter to ALL people, unfortunately. That doesn't make us any less valuable, it is just the way it is. It seems like you've been dealing with many people who do not care about you so perhaps yes, you do not matter TO THEM. But that doesn't mean that you aren't a good person and that you don't deserve to be Loved or Cared For! Please take some time to care about yourself. You are the first person who needs to do that. After that, you can start focusing on other people, but only when you feel content with yourself and comfortable doing so! I am so sorry your Therapist isn't helping you out too much and that He/She doesn't seem to acknowledge your Depression. Perhaps that's a subject to bring up to your next appointment? I'm wishing you Peace and plenty of positive energy! Please be kind to yourself! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @beauflow, your Family, your Friends, your Therapist and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Open Eyes]

You do matter beauflow, please keep saying that to yourself and resist the need to appologize when you need to say something here at PC. (((Hugs)))

[Fuzzybear]

I can relate. Not only am I repeatedly reminded that I don’t matter, but those who think they have “answers” love to force their wrong opinions on me. It’s very very annoying... at best. And like you, I care “too much” about others How to become a mean, cold “person” lacking in all empathy like they are? I don’t aspire to that

[IowaFarmGal]

I'm sorry beauflow. You matter and I wish you didn't feel so bad and I hope it will pass. (((Hugs)))!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by beauflow

It honestly doesn't Matter, most people disagree or they are unable to understand because it's in our nature to matter. some people it would rock their very foundation to have that doubt that they matter and yet I am aware there's many like me who feel they don't matter.

I give to the point that I feel used, and when forcing myself to give more when used as suggested by professionals at times, it clear that they dont unfortunately.

So sorry for the space. No need to reply because I am deleting the original post

Professionals have also tried to force me to give more. And then blamed me when I was rejected. I have definitely been told by family, professionals and others that I don’t matter. I hardly talk to anyone any more since they are all poison to me

Same here. I have really become concerned about it. People are just so only concerned about themselves... it is a massive social problem that no one is talking about.

I have had people use me but not want to know when i needed help. I dropped them. Hot potato style.

Some people are takers and users.

[LilyMop]

Originally Posted by LonelyMan

I have had people use me but not want to know when i needed help. I dropped them. Hot potato style.

Some people are takers and users.

Yes, some people are takers and users. I believe it’s becoming more common than ever.

[LilyMop]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Professionals have also tried to force me to give more. And then blamed me when I was rejected. I have definitely been told by family, professionals and others that I don’t matter. I hardly talk to anyone any more since they are all poison to me

I have gotten to this point as well. I talk less and less and less... it’s like I am slowly disappearing....

Originally Posted by LilyMop

Yes, some people are takers and users. I believe it’s becoming more common than ever.

have the fake smile when they want something. Not so much if you want something.The online world of images and fake filters makes it more a me me place

[LilyMop]

Originally Posted by LonelyMan

have the fake smile when they want something. Not so much if you want something.The online world of images and fake filters makes it more a me me place

Yes I’ve noticed the smile when people want something and the avoidance when they don’t want to be bothered.

[Fuzzybear]

Hugs to all who have poopers who do not give a poop in their ''family'' or other

[jrae]

I just had this happen to me the other day - and it rocked me, sent my mind off! days later I'm still trying to get those words out of my head, and I never will...

stupid f-ing people -> do and say what makes them feel better, regardless of who it hurts and it's repercussions/effects

[confusedbyself]

Originally Posted by beauflow

It honestly doesn't Matter, most people disagree or they are unable to understand because it's in our nature to matter. some people it would rock their very foundation to have that doubt that they matter and yet I am aware there's many like me who feel they don't matter.

I give to the point that I feel used, and when forcing myself to give more when used as suggested by professionals at times, it clear that they dont unfortunately.

So sorry for the space. No need to reply because I am deleting the original post

I not only understand, I COMPLETELY agree with every word you said and I HATE being that person also! The pain is almost never ending because all people want is what they can get and don't care about what their own actions do to us because WE are the giver and we best not forget it. Like you said, we don't matter, we are only allowed to share the air so that we can help others. Sadly, I love to help, but it's killing me now because someone made me wish for that caring in return and it's never going to happen when you just don't matter!!! ;(

[beauflow]

to every one that has felt this. It's sad to me as well, because ... I just do not like feeling this way myself and I don't like that others feel this way too, because--- I find it awful to be in the space. But I am grateful for support and people Sharing their struggles on this with one another.

I do not have an answer.

I had kept my original post in my notebook on my phone, I reread it - I was very angry with this topic.. admittedly when I'm not 'down and out'/on the depressed spectrum, I seem to be able to gather my thoughts better on the subject-- however, it's always a touchy subject no matter my mood.
this topic can morph, in my thinking on several sub topics. I do apologize if I jump around, but have tried editing and order my thoughts.

With the specific topic that sparked much emotion for me on this- no one gives a **** (poop) about me but I'm to care about them-
I understand some of my personal triggers with it... but maybe not all.

I did talk with my t on this, and I am realizing now- I am not sure if she fully grasped the rage in me on this. But May be she did. At any rate, funny thing- I was telling her about how boundaries are important, and why the person she was wanting me to give more to, I am reluctant to try more than I have.

boundaries and at some point saying no.
It's hard. I forgot, it's not easy. And while I'm not a 100% people pleaser- I'm a helper- so It's not in my nature some times, so I've had to learn it and still am.

No, I didn't give the person anything as my t suggested. Instead I donated to a few charities and helped out with kids of a friend (all them qualify in my book of needing extra love even from an estranged person like me ). The charity and helping out with the kids, I have little issues with, I could still find some thing to complain about those situations as "what did I get out of it" or "what am I contributing to" -- and further down a deep black hole but why? While what "I got out of it" was nothing material, it was something personal in my heart... I don't feel the need to pick that apart even though I could.

On a grander scale of the topic- I am split to I don't matter in the great cosmos- but I matter in my universe, so to speak. Even that's hard to 100% believe for me, but I try and KNOW I've believed this at some points in my life... just harder when the days are so darkened.

---
If anything, I want to share this, in hopes this assist-- even if one person....
helped me out a little today-- because overall I still am struggling with feeling like nothing.. but I read this, and just a tiny bit ... it helped align me a little

there will always be givers, takers and reading this little blurb today-- matchers.((I like that idea of a matcher of paying it forward)).

The Surprising Psychology of Givers and Takers | Lemonade Blog

We can only do what we do.
And hopefully it's what feels just/"right" for ourselves.

I've spent a lot of time beating myself up for giving in the past- for various reasons, it's all helped me grow..
each unique to the situation and players involved.. and I've been told also by some I've given too much (ha even this current t has said this)... or harsher tones of insults to my intelligence..
while I am not the smartest person, however by being a giver, it doesn't mean I am dumb, or that anyone is.

Over time I've had to learn no and I still have to learn some times on this. I get criticized by some on how I do it even, and so on.

But in the end - apologizes if anyone gets offended- but **** (f)them that criticize and are tainting growth. Yes, my anger must stay in check-- they matter in their own ways, and for me- I'm trying to remind myself-They are challenges that are practice, a lesson, and will be a memory. Some memories are all I have with some people, and that's hard-" to know when to leave when love is no longer served ".

In my heart, as I'm sure with many many others- I'm trying my best, I've been trying to learn and yes I still have flaws... we all.

In the greater world- the takers can only take so much before there's nothing left to take.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

So sorry, beau flow (and others on this thread who are struggling).

You do matter!

So much!

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I can relate. Not only am I repeatedly reminded that I don’t matter, but those who think they have “answers” love to force their wrong opinions on me. It’s very very annoying... at best. And like you, I care “too much” about others How to become a mean, cold “person” lacking in all empathy like they are? I don’t aspire to that

Have I done that to you, Fuzzybear? I would be very sorry if I thought I had. This might help: opinions by their nature are a reflection of the internal thought processes, observations or lack of observation, and personal biases of the person holding the opinion. Opinions are mostly better left unsaid. I think my friend's husband is a jerk who does not appreciate her. She isn't going to want to hear that opinion, so I keep it to myself, and I have to say that the reality is he has always been polite to me and I have never seen him say an unkind thing to her <--so it is really important I keep my opinion to myself!

Obviously you matter if anyone is attempting to force their opinions on you. You don't see people forcing opinions on lamp posts or the neighbor's cat, do you?

What you may be experiencing is someone trying to force you into, or to keep you in a particular role. You don't have to accept that. You don't have to actively fight it either (choose your battles wisely); your own observations and opinions are the most important to yourself--or they should be.

You might find it beneficial to read about dependent personality disorder. Wikipedia has a nice article on it. This is not to say I think you or the OP have this condition, not at all; and I recognize we are not to diagnose (I would not be qualified to do that, anyway). But I often find it helpful to read the literature surrounding a condition that has a symptom that seems definitive. In this case your and the OP's concern about empathy and caring about others. I hope this helps, and I urge you and the OP to disregard it if it does not.