[MrsA]

Sorry, I've been posting a lot. Really bad day.

I have a problem where my sister says other people say behind my back that I'm bad tempered and difficult. Other times, in fights she'd say I had no friends and everyone hates me because I'm selfish.

I know she is being spiteful, but it puts a nagging doubt that everyone I know really is hating me and talking behind my back about how horrible I am. It doesn't help that all my friends and relatives live far away now so I feel really isolated with someone saying horrible things to my face.

Has anyone else had this problem and how do you cope?

[sarahsweets]

Hey @MrsA I feel really bad for what you deal with with your sister. Between her abuse, her financial abuse and her messes I really feel for you. Is there anyone or anyway at all you can get some outside help?

[TishaBuv]

Your sister is really a piece of work. Try to not let her push your buttons. She’s only saying these hurtful things to make you feel bad. That’s not a friend or a sister. That’s an enemy. Is it time to cut bait and get away from her for your sanity?

[Discombobulated]

Mrs A sending you hugs. I am quite horrified your sister talks to you in this way.

It sounds like what she is doing is technically known as triangulation. It's when someone tries to involve others (who aren't directly involved) in order to back up their points. Usually because their own standpoint is very weak and shaky. So I would say please be aware of this. She is likely deep down very insecure.

It leaves you however with the aftermath of her words, and sticks and stones may break our bones but words sadly do hurt us.

I don't know your sister. Is it possible if in a calm moment if you sit down over a coffee and say "It hurts when you say that... (whatever phrase she used)" that it will prick her conscience? Or is she the type who will derive pleasure from knowing she hurt you even in a calm moment?

It's a judgement call from you who knows her best of all.

In the meantime, my sincerest well wishes to you- you deserve better.

[IrisBloom]

Do you really think everyone talks to your sister about you? I really doubt it. My guess would be that she says those things out of jealousy or insecurity. I don't know your ages or situation but it sounds very childish to me.

[Open Eyes]

Is this the same individual that won't take care of her own trash?

Always consider the source of these kind of statements. Some people say things like this because they don't like that you have boundaries and stand up to them and call them out.

[MrsA]

Thanks everyone for your kind words. Yes, @Open Eyes, there was a fight when I confronted her about the sanitary napkins. She said a lot of things including that I was a narcissist and a hypocrite and that I think I'm perfect.

I tried to make her admit that before she got her own dog, we didn't live with pee and poop on the floor which she has normalized. But she has an excuse for everything and a way to blame me for her actions. The problem is that my sister's emotional instability got passed onto her dog. The dog is an emotional wreck. Every time he walks through the house, he gets excited/anxious to the point of losing control of his bowls and bladder, leaving a trail of pee and poop going through multiple rooms. This went on for 13+ years so I'm constantly freaking out because what used to be harmless clutter on the floor is now soiled with sewage. And I am so anxious about cleaning and disinfecting that I'm pretty sure I have OCD now. My sister says I'm a bully because I started demanding thst she clean up after her dog and herself. And I think it's unacceptable that I even have to talk about soemthing that should be basic decency.

I know she misinterprets things I say and accuses me of saying something different. Yesterday, I said that something she did gave me food poisoning (pouring yesterday's drinks into the coffee maker). And she said "You accused me of trying to kill you." And I said only said her actions caused food poisoning. And she said "Your exact words were 'you tried to kill me!'"

So it's possible she twists what other people said to fit what she wants to believe. The problem is that hearing this throughout my life makes me uneasy around people so I might come off prickly and untrusting and she succeeds in alienating me from people. And with Facebook, she has added most of my old friends as her friends so I don't really have a separate group of my own where I can be more myself.

And what disgusts me is that she denies that being the older sibling (2 years older) means that shen had been a sort of role model and that her bullying has an impact on how I grew up and my disapproval of her. She just claims to be a victim while accusing me of claiming to be a victim.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. I think I let my sister scare me into socializing less and becoming more isoated. I really appreciate your patience with my moods and stuff lately.

[TishaBuv]

Bless your heart. You are living in an awful situation. I couldn’t imagine having to live with animal feces all over as a common occurrence and the toxic relationship between two adult sisters living together.

Why are you stuck with her? You’ve also mentioned she controls all your income. I’d rather cut my losses, assuming you will lose your financial interest in the house if that’s the case, go to a shelter or a friend if you can. Get on your own feet and get out.

I’m in a toxic marriage that also has many positives. But you are not legally bound to a sister. Why stay?

[Open Eyes]

Your sister is bullying you financially and anyway she can to control you. I have an older sister myself that has been extremely toxic towards me and she lies and manipulates and is a total control freak. I have a long thread about how horrible my sister has been, basically stealing from my elderly parents and blaming it on me. My parents both passed away this year and she was absolutely horrible about me trying to say my goodbyes to my own dying parents. I could go on and on about it all and quite honestly, I think my sister is actually CRAZY. So I can definitely sympathize with your predicament.

[MrsA]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Bless your heart. You are living in an awful situation. I couldn’t imagine having to live with animal feces all over as a common occurrence and the toxic relationship between two adult sisters living together.

Why are you stuck with her? You’ve also mentioned she controls all your income. I’d rather cut my losses, assuming you will lose your financial interest in the house if that’s the case, go to a shelter or a friend if you can. Get on your own feet and get out.

I’m in a toxic marriage that also has many positives. But you are not legally bound to a sister. Why stay?

I can't get out because of complicated circumstances. My credit is ruined and I haven't been able to find another job so I have to keep working in the partnership and make conditions better st home. I am demanding that she start behaving like a normal person and stop being unsanitary, which is why there is so much screaming and hostility lately. I am making some progress.

[MrsA]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Your sister is bullying you financially and anyway she can to control you. I have an older sister myself that has been extremely toxic towards me and she lies and manipulates and is a total control freak. I have a long thread about how horrible my sister has been, basically stealing from my elderly parents and blaming it on me. My parents both passed away this year and she was absolutely horrible about me trying to say my goodbyes to my own dying parents. I could go on and on about it all and quite honestly, I think my sister is actually CRAZY. So I can definitely sympathize with your predicament.

I'm sorry you had a sister like that. Isn't it awful when people tell yoi how sweet it is to be sisters and expect you to join in and say nice things? Thanks so much for the sympathy. It's nice to be around people who understand. Did you get to say goodbye to your parents in the end?

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by MrsA

I can't get out because of complicated circumstances. My credit is ruined and I haven't been able to find another job so I have to keep working in the partnership and make conditions better st home. I am demanding that she start behaving like a normal person and stop being unsanitary, which is why there is so much screaming and hostility lately. I am making some progress.

I hope to see you get free from it soon.

[MrsA]

And today, my sister actualy took out a box of childhood photos to try to prove that I was born an angry baby and that she was a victim for having to grow up with me in the family and that it justifies her yelling at me and being an angry person the past 40 years. It's getting ridiculous.

[Discombobulated]

Has your sister got a diagnosis of a mental health problem? Is she having treatment?