Does anyone else feel like... it's not OK to be sad.

Not OK to be sad, or to have any negative emotions.

I feel so sad right now. And, I feel like I've struggled with this my whole life. And honestly, it's probably "earned" sadness (i.e. my family kind of sucked, lots of emotional neglect, some major traumas, plus heck - the world can be a pretty sad place at times!)

I know that I learned some of this from my parents, who were completely uninterested in their kids emotions.

But, I've also lost friends because they couldn't deal with my stuff. Like, I had a good friend who once told me he felt like we must have known each other in a past life, because we had such a strong connection and so many similarities... and my stuff was too much for him in the end.

My last therapist told me that I reminded her of "Eeyore". Which made me feel incredibly judged, and like... seriously? This is therapy! Isn't this the one place where it's MOST appropriate to be honest about my feelings?

And, last night, I had a conversation with my neurofeedback guy. He is generally awesome, and there's a lot of positive stuff in my life thanks to him... although there's still a lot of work to do.

I was trying to get him to understand that he doesn't really see all the negative stuff, he doesn't all of it - and I'm not looking for any kind of emotional support around that stuff from him, but he probably needs to see it accurately to pick protocols that are helpful for me, since we're working on training my brain.

At some point, he mentioned Eeyore as well. He was much nicer than the old therapist about it, and he clarified that he meant it in the sense of "long suffering" - but I don't remember the entire context b/c I was already getting a little foggy and not taking in information really well.

I just feel like... I'm not allowed to be sad. Nobody wants to know how I really feel. People are fine with me being happy, curious, enthusiastic, caring, a good listener. But sad? Traumatized? Depressed? Actually having effects from my idiotic parents who should never have had kids and basically failed to parent in any useful way?

Yeah, no thanks. That's not fun. Please go back to being "happy guilloche".

I *know* he didn't mean it this way. He really has been awesome and helpful, and I've been working with him for a year now. But I just went to bed and cried afterwards. And am still feeling pretty crappy this morning. And didn't sleep much at all. And kind of drowning myself with chocolate.

Thanks for listening. Wondering if others encounter this too.

Dear guilloche,

I have also felt like that. It is so unfortunate that people around you attempt to invalidate your sad feelings. Wish I knew what to say that would help, but sadly I am at a loss.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

Thank you Yaowen, I appreciate it.

I think I understand with regular people. It can be too much to deal with, and most people want friends that make them feel good. I understand that.

But with therapists, it doesn't make any sense to me. It seems like that's the one place you should absolutely be able to be honest about how you feel, and not get called names for it. If you can't be honest about feelings in therapy, what's the point?

*hugs*

I’m sorry. I would not appreciate being called that either. My first therapist said I reminded her of an old fashioned farmers wife. I felt pretty lame after that, and it popped into my head a lot for awhile. Maybe it helped me the smallest bit? Maybe? but not enough to count
Where do they come up with this stuff?
It’s okay to be sad, yes. I agree with you that it is too much for some people to be in a sad way because it interferes with their own ways of feeling and coping.
The first thing a lot people will do is want to cheer a sad person up.
I hope you are getting good service and therapy. They make mistakes like everyone and I’m sorry they were hurtful.
Keep up your good work!

people always tell me that I don't deserve to be sad: I'm not dying, I don't have a terminal illness, I'm still young and can make something of myself, I have a lot of things to be thankful for (like warmth, shelter, food, water) which so many people don't have, and it does make me wonder.. all these people sad because they don't have life basics, or their lives are being cut short by an illness, and I'm sat here sad because I don't know what I want to do with my life, I feel isolated and I don't have family. ttragic.

I mean just the sentence. " I don't know what I want to do with my life". tragic.

I wonder if sometimes if my issues are trivial

but we all have issues, right?. we all have our reasons that we are feeling sad or hopeless, and I'd like to believe that each person's issues or reasons are treated equally

Parents, completely uninterested in their kid's emotions..
That and .....other things........

I don't think the T was very kind calling you ''Eeyore'' (although I love Eeyore ) idk how it was said though...

I find it pretty awful that a therapist would label a client in such a crass/trite way as that. Eeyore/farmers wife. What??

In my experience most people do not want to hear others in depth. Most people are largely self focused. Some people are open to really listening but they are not common.

I think a lot of us bottle up in order to get along in society. Places like here are helpful because they are a place we can vent honestly/be heard.

Everybody always says, the only way around is through. I think that applies here too. To take a page from one of divine's posts yesterday, who has to accept your feelings, other people or you? Owning your feelings is probably the first step to taking responsibility for them. Which for me meant, instead of fighting them, saying "things shouldnt have been like this!", i kinda divided stuff into: yeah this happened, they did this, i dealt with it this way (good or not good), these were the results - well, thats kinda rote.

Some things my t didnt exactly buy, but i know they were true. I mean, after ten years, i knew what he was going to minimize and what i was! But it left me in the middle of my journey, but like they also say, its the journey, not the destination.

So this is part of your journey. "So you walk through the valley of darkness...!"

It is OK to feel sad. Feeling sad can mean you are healing.

I feel like this all the time. People had actually said this to me before. You are not alone. It is okay to feel sad. People feel the way they feel.

Its terrible your therapist called you eyeore . We all should be able to express sadness, hurt, pain etc. When people feel joy, laugh or happy people gravitate towards you. I too find the opposite when I'm sad, hurt etc. People say don't cry, get over it, its not that bad. Its okay to feel sad, hurt etc. Sometimes I cry by myself (which sucks-sometimes i want comfort)

I would find a therapist who is empathetic and you feel comfortable with. You can also vent on forums too.