Feeling disconnected

Discombobulated · Dec 10, 2020, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prycejosh1987

I guess you could find other ways to communication with your folks and friends. I text my brothers and sister and email them. My sister calls me from time to time. This season will pass, as all things do. Remain strong and create a good rapor with that vulnerable person, you live with.

Thanks, yes I text friends too, it does help.

I love my (technically vulnerable) husband very much too, and we support each other it's just we both miss other friends.

Discombobulated · Dec 10, 2020, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KBMK

I'm also feeling more disconnected from friends @Discombobulated . I think we are all processing this differently. I was seeing a lot of one friend. She is living with a boyfriend and her flatmate has moved out recently. We would normally hug hello/goodbye, but have kept some physical distance since March. She got a little upset saying bye last time we caught up, we just talked about what we would do soon and that cheered things up, but I guess she is really missing hugs from friends since her flatmate moved out. I probably would have hugged her if I had realised at the time (neither of us are high risk, in contact with anyone high risk, or in close contact jobs).
Getting outside is important for me also, and it feels more normal since restrictions were loosened last week...I don't want to get used to keeping so much distance with friends...it's very hard to negotiate and to accept all these changes!
It's really hard to believe how much has changed since last Christmas...I'm hoping next Christmas is merrier and a bit more relaxed and carefree.

Thanks, reading this really helped. I think knowing others have these feelings makes me feel at least less alone.

Can your friend not form a bubble with you or someone? Hugs are allowed in bubbles.

Discombobulated · Dec 10, 2020, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zapatoes

Definitely can relate to this @Discombulated, the increased rate of cases recently with more restrictions is not easy to deal with. This weekend I’m staying busy with getting outside as much as I can with walking my dog and doing yard work. Did binge watch a few reality shows and getting outside really helps me feel more normal despite that life is really not normal now.

Thanks! I hope you got through the weekend okay with keeping busy - I admire your attitude coping with these feelings.

Fuzzybear · Dec 14, 2020, 01:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

I can relate to this. I journal and I find there's a time and place for it because sometimes I do get stuck wallowing. For me, I'm experimenting to see how not to wallow while journaling, and so far that means being mindful and noticing when getting stuck / wallowing happens, and also I'm playing with the idea of writing to another person in my journal, as it helps me when I talk to others usually.

I think that what works for some, doesn't work for others. Do it if you want to and feel drawn to it / driven to.

Edit: one journaling exercise you may like. Its a T-chart. On one side put "negative" or draw a rain cloud or something. On the other side, put "positive" or draw some sunshine or a rainbow or something. Under negative, write whats going on with you and why you feel bad. Under positive, counter those thoughts, write other explanations, other positive ways to looks at it, ways to deal with it, be kind to yourself as you would be with a friend. Its a good exercise in thinking more optimistically and making oneself feel better.

Good post. I've been reading some of the posts in this thread again. I too feel disconnected (grrrrrr)

I'm going to try the above journalling idea, tomorrow hopefully

Hugs to all who accept online hugs from a bear

Alive99 · Dec 16, 2020, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

I can relate to this. I journal and I find there's a time and place for it because sometimes I do get stuck wallowing. For me, I'm experimenting to see how not to wallow while journaling, and so far that means being mindful and noticing when getting stuck / wallowing happens, and also I'm playing with the idea of writing to another person in my journal, as it helps me when I talk to others usually.

I think that what works for some, doesn't work for others. Do it if you want to and feel drawn to it / driven to.

Edit: one journaling exercise you may like. Its a T-chart. On one side put "negative" or draw a rain cloud or something. On the other side, put "positive" or draw some sunshine or a rainbow or something. Under negative, write whats going on with you and why you feel bad. Under positive, counter those thoughts, write other explanations, other positive ways to looks at it, ways to deal with it, be kind to yourself as you would be with a friend. Its a good exercise in thinking more optimistically and making oneself feel better.

Oh wow this makes so much sense, my journalling I probably always did in an abysmal way lol. I don't wallow - in the classic sense - as that'd be really tiring to me but I noticed one day that alot of the journalling is venting or something like that, some really angry stuff. Tho' I suppose that's better than venting to people too much.

But what I particularly noticed, though only after YEARS of journalling, and only recently...is that if I get into the writing more to try and process things, then after a while I do get deeper and deeper and probably more angry and negative but it happens only when it feels like I am talking to a "wall" rather than a real person. Well my journal is not a real person. So that is why it gets so negative then.

And I noticed this when I did talk to a real person (online) and she was pretty cool, like she kept tuning into my experience and validating it or something Like most people don't O_o Anyway then one day she didn't tune in too well, for whatever reason, and said something that was kinda an "off" suggestion. I don't mind, I don't expect anyone to be perfectly tuning in or validating me or whatever 100% of the time. But what I did notice was that later I felt like journalling to process what she said, to see how it fit my situation because something was bothering me about it. And then I ended up writing to her actually instead of the journalling, but she was not online... And so, soon I noticed I felt like it was talking to a wall and then I noticed the negative spiralling. That is when the lightbulb came on about my journalling too, I suppose. ....

But I still did end up processing the "off" suggestion she had and it did lead to insight. Insight through seeing how it did NOT fit me/my situation, lol. (Even if this is not the most effective way to get to insight??) And that's the same with the journalling. It does lead to me processing things and to insights, it just takes so long. I get so deep in my head during it. While trying to process my issues and get to insights for a better place, better direction in life. So ineffective because of the "wall" effect, I think.

Does this make sense??

You suggest journalling while imagining I'm talking to another person. Unfortunately that only works for a short time, I have done that before spontaneously actually... Like I would get used to talking to a friend and then I sometimes felt like I was talking to them when journalling. But if I get spontaneous like that, it doesn't last long before "wall" effect kicks in. Also if the person I got used to talking to isn't very good at tuning in (bc say, they didn't have my experiences, or just don't understand, even if well-meaning), then it can be still a negative spiral anyway. I think that's what it comes down to...

Your T-chart exercise suggestion hmm... My problem is I don't really have simple thoughts on why I feel bad when I feel bad, and I don't even feel that I am feeling bad if that makes sense. I just fall deep in my head and try to process to get to a better place is what I do instead. You mention writing about what's going on with me, well I don't even know what's going on with me when something's up, that is why I have to process it in my journalling.

Your suggestion sounds a lot like CBT really, how psychologists do CBT with you in therapy, and I'm familiar with that, but that also never worked for me lol for the same reason.

My processing really has a constructive goal so you could say it's optimistic but it's ineffective anyway, because it's hard to do all of it alone Iguess

I've understood a little more on how talking to others can help, but that's still kinda unclear too to me lol.

I figured so far, it helps if they can understand some of what I'm saying bc they have had the experience too, or they are an expert about the topic (but do keep their empathy too next to the expertise, don't just intellectualise always). Or just plain are very empathetic maybe? Or if it is someone I am close to (family), that can help too even if they haven't had my experiences. But I do think I still have a lot of blocks even when I talk to others. It's just hard somehow.

Not sure, sometimes the experience of talking with others is better, sometimes worse, sometimes pretty effective, sometimes not effective. I don't expect it to be a magic pill (anymore) so any positive experience with that is already a nice surprise lol

...

(BTW I like this thread some, though I didn't read it all yet... catapults me back to 19 years ago. When I had this disconnect and when all my bigger issues started. I will have to sometime digest some of the posts in here more.)

Alive99 · Dec 16, 2020, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

I think the journaling is more about getting it off your mind so you can let the feelings go, at least a bit? I don’t think it’s going to work for everyone, nothing else does lol, but that’s the idea behind it. Catharcism. It’s the same as writing letters you never intend to send to whoever you’re writing to.
I know if I’m angry when I write my diary, I allow myself to feel it while I’m writing, so the writing itself is my emotional release. When I stop writing I feel more able to let the feeling go, because I’ve processed it, at least to a degree.

I'd like to respond to you too. On this same topic. Yeah I think I don't really get an emotional release in this direct way. I probably uh what I probably do is I break down the negative emotion by "intellectualising" and analysing really hard and really long until I get to some good point but like I already said it's ineffective as it takes long to do this. Hours where talking to someone in a good way would be just like a few minutes or half an hour at most?? I've had that experience that it helped that fast, sometimes. Then sometimes not at all. Complicated lol

Anyway yeah I probably gradually break down the negative feelings without ever feeling them directly. It's like my analytical left brain going into overdrive to deal with this task of breaking down the emotions like that. And yeah again, it takes forever. It's mentally a hard task, exhausting even. And so on.

Hm yeah, maybe no one journals like that other than me

And maybe you are TOTALLY not supposed to do it that way

Anyway. Your cathartic version that's like writing a letter to someone and not sending it. I've had that too but it only comes to me spontaneously and only realllly rarely. I do feel the emotions then and I do not analyse so much, and it's cathartic and does release the emotions. For a while anyway

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