I can’t cope anymore

So much is up in the air in society, jobs, government, it's not your fault!! It sounds like you might be feeling like you are taking on the world. I know how it feels to lie next to someone at night that you can't stand. I also recently was interviewing for a new position that paid more but the boss is a jerk. I ended up not getting the job. Phew!! So many things that seem good end up being bad, BUT vice versa! So many seemingly bad things end up being for our benefit!!

I like your silver lining!!! Hold on to as many positives as you can. You can do this!! You are strong!

Thanks @guy1111.

I was rejected for another job yesterday too. Luckily, this is the one with horrific reviews, so I didn't mind.

I do feel like I'm taking the whole world upon my shoulders. That's exactly how it feels.

I tried to end things with my husband last night: it was unsuccessful and I backed down. I am not ready yet. I don't have a job!

I am looking forward to my appt with my new therapist today.

I think I may have finally found a therapist who can truly help me. He is VERY well trained and is VERY good at what he does. I can tell this already.

However, he told me I've had a very hard life, after detailing to him my childhood, adolescence and adulthood years. It made me SO sad and I cried as soon as we closed the session. I became full of self pity and sorrow over all that I've endured throughout my life... he told me it's too much for anyone to have to bare.. And he's right.

I cannot believe that I am even still standing and fighting my way through. I should have left this earth long ago, and sometimes I wish I would just die already so it can be over. I'm not talking about SI -- I'm just saying let's get it over already. I am sick of living this crazy life of hardship.

Then again, I've also had a lot of insanely fun life adventures -- many many many amazing adventures. So there's a flip side to all my trauma and abuse.

It's such a dichotomy: the incredibly rich and adventurous life I've led, and also a life of constant hardship, crisis and abuse.

I wish I could just focus on all the positives my life has shown me, but I cannot. Right now, all I see is the hardship and the constant battle.

That's probably my depression in action that is coloring everything negative - all seems dark and bleak and I cannot seem to escape from it.

This therapist is my lifeline for healing and progress right now. I am clinging onto therapy to help save me from a life of destruction.

Hugs

I hope that after looking into past struggles and agreeing how hard it is, he will have ideas and strategies how to lead a satisfying life and enjoy it

I hope so! He said his goal will be to help me to break my toxic patterns with men.

Today is a very weird day emotionally. I'm very anxiety ridden.... so much so that I had to take TWO anti-anxiety pills.. and I am grieving the end of my marriage. I am on edge about job opportunities, and on edge about my job search. I've called the abuse hotline twice already today and may call them a third time today. I am also peri-menopausal - my last period has been TWELVE days long so far. I may be hormonal too right now. I'm having trouble with managing my haywire emotions.

I am a freaking mess.

I took the DUTCH hormonal test and it was an eye opener for me. I'd recommend it.

Thank you.

Hey @Have Hope I just wanted you to know that ven though I am going through my own ***** my thoughts are with you.

Thank you @sarahsweets!!! My thoughts are with you as well!!!!

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!

I am SO frustrated. I get job leads, then I read numerous HORRIFIC reviews of the company, and I decline the interview because the work environment is far too toxic. When there are repetitive reviews ALL stating how toxic and horrible the company is, I pay attention.

I cannot be in yet another toxic work environment -- I WILL NOT SURVIVE IT. I am very fragile as it is.... one more bad work experience may just send me to the hospital suicidal again. I cannot have a repeat of that experience.

What's astounding is how many work cultures out there are really toxic. ASTOUNDING.

And yes, I'm paying close attn. to these reviews and I pay heed to them. They speak loud and clear to me.

But it's SOOOOOOOOOO maddening and frustrating to have to weed through all the bad companies in order to find a good place for myself to land. I don't have THAT Much time left, unless they extend my unemployment benefits.

I am going to scream. This job search is making me crazy, along with my marriage and feeling stuck in an abusive relationship that I cannot escape yet.

I'm at the end of my rope. I wish I could speak with my therapist today. Tomorrow is too long to wait.

That's all I can say.

Sorry! It's a mad world out there. Don't give up!

Thank you for the positivity!!!!!!

Monday. Two job rejections in the last two business days. Then today two recruiters contact me for low paying irrelevant jobs.

I am SO sick of this. Welcome to a super crappy Monday.

Hang in there!

Thanks, @Bill3!

I'm taking my anti-anxiety meds nearly every day now.

The only times I can get a respite is when my husband leaves the house and leaves me on my own while he's at work. Today is one of those days. I just had to endure three days in a row with him, which made me crazy.

My heart is beating really fast, and my breathing is off. I am trying to listen to meditative music right now to calm down.

I just turned down an interview because once again, the employee reviews were horrific -- overworked, burnout, lack of internal organization, "homework assignments" on top of large workloads, a CEO who doesn't care about employees. How long can this go on? I feel like the only companies looking for employees right now are the terrible and toxic companies. It's time to change my approach.

I'm in such a terrible position right now. This is most painful to endure.

I don't get it. WHY do I have to keep going through the most strenuous circumstances in life??????? If it's not one crisis, it's another, then another, then another. Can I please just get a break in life? WHY????????????? What did I do to deserve such constant strife, challenge and difficulty???????