[JustAGoodMan]

Hi all, I’m new here just looking for some advice or words of encouragement.
I have been with my wife for 12 years. We had a child together 2 years ago and from what she says things haven’t been right since. There were some affection issues, and we kind of got stuck and complacent with each other. She says she fell out of love with me and doesn’t care to try to make things work. I as the person being pushed away have realized the folly of my ways and am working diligently to help my self to be a better person. I am making great leaps and bounds if I say so myself. I quit smoking weed, am going to therapy for other past personal issues, actively working on stress and anxiety, but to no avail. I am still no where near getting the happy life we both deserve back and now I’m in a depressed state. I’m so close to actually losing her and the life we had and it’s killing me inside. The fear of being alone is there I won’t lie, but the fear of not having her is far worse. I’m in the process of moving out and on although I don’t want to. This has brought upon many issues for me now. I have self esteem issues being a 34 year old man who is 5’3. Before we got together I was a outgoing funny person, to now being a introvert who is scared to talk to people. I know with time things will get easier but time is moving so slow at this point. Her main point to all this was that she never felt like she could open up to me as I would “attack” her. Which is just not true. We never fought just had small arguments. My biggest character flaw is I’m brutally honest and that is definitely something I’m working on. Throughout our relationship she would always kind of shut down in a disagreement and my response was always “do you have something to say” she would shut down so I would shut down as well. Now 12 years later it has finally taken its toll. One thing she said that hits really hard is “we do good as people but we just don’t work as a couple” yet we had a great 10 years together. I just don’t get it. There was never any cheating or verbal/physical abuse. Just normal problems in a marriage. She waited until things were so bad on her side that she just kind of shut down and wants nothing to do with me. I know what I need to do next and I’m taking the appropriate steps but it’s so hard. Thanks for listening. I’m an open book so if there’s something you would like to know just ask. I’m here just to try to get my life back on track.

[Skeezyks]

Welcome to Psych Central, JustAGoodMan. Here are links to 7 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help:

Shocked that Your Spouse Left? Here's the Secret to Recovery

Coping with Divorce: In the Beginning

Healing from Divorce

Why Divorce Feels Like a Death | The Exhausted Woman

What to Do When You Feel Lost After Divorce

https://psychcentral.com/blog/12-dep...-people/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...le-tips/?all=1

I hope you're finding PC to be of benefit.

[BobbyJo]

So sorry you are going through this. Divorces are tough. I went through one...no fun. It might be more tolerable if every party remains kind. Ugghh...my heart goes out to you. Good for reaching out!

[Aviza]

I've been through 3. Never easy. But life goes on.

[sarahsweets]

I am sorry to hear about this @JustAGoodMan. It is really tough. Would she consider couple's counseling? Even if its to be amicable with each other?

[mountainstream]

I'm sorry! I think it could be more tolerable if each party remains kind.