[Chocopiano27]

I'm just devastated that I got rejected all the time even in intern positions from a lot of companies. I came from a highly reputable university in my country, I'm not trying to brag but all along I worked hard, so damn hard to get good grades, and went there because a lot of people told me I'll receive a sense of 'security and stability' that I needed so much back then, that 'if I can get into this university and get good grades, it will mostly be easier to apply for jobs'.

I'm a very emotionally unstable person, and I came from a very unstable family. And back then I didn't have many friends (and I still have lots of traumas because of it right now). I can get from being so excited to work right now, then something triggers me and suddenly I can't get up from my bed. I just cry, and it's painful, but I know I can't soothe myself I just need to let it pass. But it's definitely a waste of time.

Currently, I feel all the hard work (back then and now) isn't enough. I don't even know what's wrong with me, I don't know what part of my work/portfolio is lacking. I don't know which part of me I should improve anymore. People say it's because of the pandemic, but lots of my friends already have jobs of their own, even from universities that aren't as reputable as mine. It's really hard to not blame myself for my current condition.

As a design student, I know I'm able to earn money by doing freelance work or something, but these mood swings and lack of energy makes it hard to do anything. I'm terrified of missing future deadlines because of my lack of self-control in my own current condition, I mean, there's money involved in this. It's not like I'm missing a deadline for my university project. And it feels really disabling, an endless cycle.

I'm getting hopeless and I'm beginning to lose faith in myself and the world. I've gone to several professionals already but currently, I'm even losing faith in them too. Honestly, I have no motivation to live anymore. But I don't want to be a jerk to my family for suddenly dying in my room, so yeah...

I just want to sleep forever.

[AliceKate]

Sleep can be apealing, but death is just another dead end.

What seems to me to be missing from your portfolio is exactly what you have mentioned, emotional stability. Perhaps therapy would help
I'm pretty new here myself, but I think you can find some help on this site, and maybe some pointers as where to go next. There is a self-test, might help doing that one, it gives you a list of potential (and only that) issues you might have.

I hope you'll find a job soon. Know that it's not your lack of skill or grades that is inhibiting it, it's this damned pandemic. If it weren't, you would probably get a job, but as things are, you might as well use the time you have to find a way to cope with your emotions and underlying issues. It is time well spent and will help you in all aspects of your life.