I am stuck between not being able to forget and forgive all the abuse that happened in the past. These are unresolved issues that hinders my progress in life.

[MickeyCheeky]

:love Do You currently see a therapist or any other professional? i am so Sorry things are being hard for You. Please do not Give up. SEnding many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @Diurnal, Your Family, Your FriEnds And ALL of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting And keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Yaowen]

Dear Diurnal,

I can definitely relate to what you describe. Sometimes the attempt to do something is as great an achievement as actual success. I think your wanting to forgive and forget is very heroic.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

[Medusax]

In my mind, forgetting and forgiving are not always warranted.

[Werewoman]

There are some people that are so evil, they don't deserve forgiveness. Forgetting is another story because your body remembers even if your mind doesn't.

[mote.of.soul]

Trying to let go of hurtful thoughts and emotions when they arise, is just as good as forgiving and forgetting really. It's about being kind to yourself.

[Prycejosh1987]

You said it, this is why its important to forget and forgive as hard as it is. Not forgiving people for their actions, is drinking poison and wanting the other person to die. Renew your heart and mind as much as you can.

[sarahsweets]

Do you really need to forgive and forget? What will you get out of that?

[AzulOscuro]

I think the timing is important. I mean, you don’t have to forget or forgive until you are ready to do it.
As @mote.of.soul says it’s pretty much all around being kind with yourself. It means, among other things, not forcing yourself to do anything you can’t do until you are ready.
If you began to wonder yourself about the need to forget or forgive, it means you are very close to be ready. Take your time and see what’s best for you. You are not a victim. You are a person who suffered a horrible experience but you didn’t deserve it. It’s a matter of how other people are and are able to offer in a moment. Poor them. They need to learn and do things in a different way. They need to learn to reach your level of understanding. You can’t do anything for them, only for you and you deserve to be in peace with the situation because today, the day of tomorrow is given to you to be yourself and be better than the one who hurt you.
Maybe, it’s not a matter of forget or forgive, but to be in peace with what happened.
Don’t know if I’m making sense.

[Prycejosh1987]

You have to learn to forgive, if you do not then the hearts condition will ruin your future, and it will hold you back from success.

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Do you really need to forgive and forget? What will you get out of that?

Because I keep ruminating about it, and the negative energy consumes me and hinders my progress in life.

[mountainstream]

I think forgiveness comes first. You must forgive yourself unconditionally and although it may be difficult to think about, try to look at the bright side (of the a dark side).

[AzulOscuro]

I would add that first it comes to forgive yourself for not being able to forgive.

[mountainstream]

I could try to forgive myself for not being able to forgive.

[Werewoman]

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

Trying to let go of hurtful thoughts and emotions when they arise, is just as good as forgiving and forgetting really. It's about being kind to yourself.

What about those of us who can't just let go of hurtful thoughts and emotions when they arise because they are physical as well as emotional and uncontrollable. I will never forgive the Monster who did this to me and I've already forgotten her. I just wish she would hurry up and die. Only then I will know peace because she can't hurt anyone else, especially me. Cold, I know, but it's more than justified.

I think that within forgiving yourself comes forgiving others. Even those who hurt us and try to shame us. We are no better then them if we can’t try to understand the turmoil that may have brought them to being so horrible and terrible and awful. No one wakes up from baby and decides to hurt people. It takes years of negative conditioning and poor mentoring to get them there (and quite a bit of bad judgment). Forgetting is the easy part. Who wants to hold onto bad memories. But letting go of those bad feelings takes maturity and work. Unfortunately, to process and to learn to let go, old memories and emotions are dug up, making it difficult to forgive others.

Originally Posted by Werewoman

What about those of us who can't just let go of hurtful thoughts and emotions when they arise because they are physical as well as emotional and uncontrollable. I will never forgive the Monster who did this to me and I've already forgotten her. I just wish she would hurry up and die. Only then I will know peace because she can't hurt anyone else, especially me. Cold, I know, but it's more than justified.

I think there are some experiences that we will never be able to forget emotionally and we will always hold onto knowing that life isn’t always fair. But we can also learn that those who gain the strength to overcome unfair challenges, can become more victorious then their offenders.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Diurnal

Because I keep ruminating about it, and the negative energy consumes me and hinders my progress in life.

Dearest @Diurnal,

Oh, I can sooooo relate to this. I have been abused by multiple people. MANY - and too many to count.

Just earlier this week, after TWO YEARS of no contact, I sent my abusive ex fiance an email saying simply these words "I forgive you. That's all. Take care".

I sent another abuser, with whom I haven't spoken in SIX years, the same exact email.

And you know what? It's allowed me to let go of all that negative energy, anger and pain.

I am not saying OR suggesting that you need to do the same. But forgiving them for me has been a necessary step in my own healing process.

The fact of the matter is: we can hold onto that anger, anguish and pain for years..... years and years. In the end, it's only harming US and our ability to be happy and free. So it serves no purpose except to continue to ruin our lives and to ruin our happiness.

So at some point, I think there comes a need for a decision. Am I going to continue to hold onto the pain, or am I going to release it so that I can truly be happy?

Releasing the pain can take on various forms. You can forgive the person for failing you, for hurting you and for disappointing you In your own heart and mind without even telling them.

We can forgive them for their wrongdoings and failures, but we don't have to forget.

I am now seeing that forgiveness does lead to greater inner peace. I feel lighter, I feel happier and I feel freedom from the bondage that held me back.

That's just my two cents.

I'm wishing peace and healing for you.

[MsLady]

I think what needs to happen first is to understand why the behaviours happened in order to detach yourself from the equation. I don't know your story but it likely had nothing to do with you.

With understanding and awareness comes empathy. Empathy for others help us forgive. Forgetting doesn't mean it's erased. It just means we've come to a peace with it that we no longer feel the need to think about it further.

[TishaBuv]

I reached a point with the deep hurts where the feelings of anger lifted, and that felt so much better to me than the burn. This came to be by either the person reached out to me or I did to them, or I had to come to terms with it and move forward by myself.

When I empathize with the person to see why they acted the hurtful way they did, I felt some forgiveness. (I am not talking about physical abuse here, that’s a different story). I have not ever fully forgiven the deepest cuts, and I never forget them either. But, I may continue the relationship, try to act like it didn’t happen, and try to make things improve.

Those few really deep wounds are still festering tbh. But the repercussions of harboring anger means I have lost the hurtful person forever and they were my close family! So, I’ll bend over backwards to hang on rather than sever ties for me is the worse pain. As you can see...I struggle with this too.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by mountainstream

I could try to forgive myself for not being able to forgive.

And it would be more than enough. We are human and it’s normal that if someone steps on one of our feet, it hurts. :-)