[bpfighter250]

Hi everyone. I want to get better at forgiving myself. I am a new psychiatrist and I feel very badly when I don't perform well or do something which I later think showed poor judgment. I prescribed a stimulant yesterday for ADHD without really doing a thorough evaluation or thought process and I feel bad like it may have been reckless. I was having a really rough day because I had just broken up with my boyfriend the night before so I didn't have my right mind on me. The relationship has been dragging on and it has been pretty toxic. We broke up in April and we had still been talking and actually got back together last month. I feel really badly for the mistake of being with him because I feel it chipped away at my self esteem and confidence and now I feel like a mess emotionally. I have a hard time forgiving myself for putting up with the relationship as long as I did. I feel a stronger woman would have not been with him in the first place or ended it much sooner.

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by bpfighter250

I prescribed a stimulant yesterday for ADHD without really doing a thorough evaluation or thought process and I feel bad like it may have been reckless.

As someone who has been on the prescribing end of things--can't you just check back with the patient to see how they are feeling while they are taking it? I am not a doc but I assume there are things you know to look for and, as a patient, I feel like I am the best at knowing how the meds are effecting me. It seems like when I am first prescribed something, I am not locked into it (probably wouldn't be instantly addicted ). Though I know we patients are all different but maybe think of it as a partnership where the patient also has responsibilities and that none of us are perfect and if you use this experience to slow down next time then you have nothing to feel guilty of...

And far as relationships go, some of us just don't know till we know. I hope you can try to look forward rather than backward sometime soon.

[Breaking Dawn]

What TunedOut said sounds right to me. And I remember learning in school that "our mistakes are our greatest teachers", because we learn from them more lastingly.

[mote.of.soul]

Well, you probably had very strong feelings for your boyfriend during the time you were together @bpfighter250, you may have been in love with him yet conflicted at the same time, you see. So, casting your mind back to where you were within yourself at the time, the feelings, the love, may help you to understand your decision as to why you stayed with him during that period. It may help you to forgive yourself and to basically let go of your inner critic, regaining the self esteem.

I can't think of anything else to add. 🙏

[Bill3]

I feel very badly when I don't perform well or do something which I later think showed poor judgment. I prescribed a stimulant yesterday for ADHD without really doing a thorough evaluation or thought process and I feel bad like it may have been reckless.

The bad feelings that you have from this incident have purposes, one of which is to help guide you to do better in handling future situations. One way to do that would be to actually sit with those feelings, and ask yourself what you can learn from them, how you can do better next time.

I was having a really rough day because I had just broken up with my boyfriend the night before so I didn't have my right mind on me.

For example, you might decide that when you don't have your right mind on, you will take steps at once to get your right mind back. Or, if you feel unable to do so, perhaps you would take a personal day or sick day. Or perhaps you will avoid difficult conversations on work nights. Or perhaps you will work on being especially slow and attentive, or plan to consult with colleagues, on days that you don't have your right mind on.

I don't know what might work well for you, but I am thinking that it will be easier to forgive yourself, to let go of the self-criticism, when you have resolved to do better next time and have taken the time to figure out how.

With regard to staying in the relationship, I wonder what you might say to a patient of yours who tells you self-critically that she stayed too long in a relationship that was/is pretty toxic.