[Discombobulated]

I got to thinking about this recently, and wanted to share my thoughts on ‘letting it go’.

Some years ago a relative of mine said “I think you need to let this go” to me. She was talking about my expressing thoughts/emotions I was experiencing after leaving a job which was not a good experience for me. I was shocked tbh and I didn’t speak about my thoughts on this again with her.

I think to be fair to my relative we can get seemingly stuck with our emotions following a negative experience. Maybe it even becomes rumination, and others might not like seeing us like this and indeed it can raise uncomfortable feelings within themselves.

However I got to thinking some more about this exchange between us. It’s many years ago now and I no longer have painful memories to do with the job and my leaving, with time it’s lessened and I’ve reasoned out the situation. I do believe I was processing the experience when I was told to ‘let it go’ and I understand that she didn’t appreciate my need to process and vocalise my thoughts. I was mistaken however in choosing her to confide in, this is what I’ve learned from that experience. Not everyone has the patience to handle someone slowly processing an experience (perhaps some process more quickly and don’t understand others may not).

I do think we can let things go, but only when we are fully ready. I’m learning all the time about this part of myself. I have been called an over thinker, and maybe that’s true or seems that way to others, but actually it seems like it’s how I process, slowly but thoroughly. Giving myself patience has been the biggest lesson and who to confide in is another one.

Hope this is helpful to someone, feel free to share your thoughts.

this is one of my less desirable qualities.

finding it hard to let go of things and to stop having a grudge

I always hold grudges

[RoxanneToto]

I agree, you process things at your own pace and it’s not necessarily bad that you hold onto things for longer than your aunt. I’ve been ruminating over childhood stuff (I.e. stuff from over 25 years ago! ) and getting angry lately, but this is part of a healing process for me, which kicked off after I finally got into counselling again. It might be a similar case for you.

[eskielover]

That is exactly why I was seeing my psychologist. I didn't want to burden my friends (no family) with my processing of what I had dealt with before leaving my previous life. I felt ok saying things over again in the processing because she could help me put it into perspective & validate what I had gone through & help me on the things that I was struggling to get through. One thing I did learn from her intense DBT group therapy was to understand "RADICAL ACCEPTANCE" It is kinda the "let it go" thinking but for me it had a twist in my situation. When you accept something for what it is at the moment, it gives your mind the ok to subconsciously be aware & to bring it back into the conscious if something changes to rethink it without ruminating on it.

It is normal when something unbalances us & we take some kind of action, to think on it on & off for a little while during the time we process what happened.

It is just better to have a neutral party like a paid therapist to talk things over with rather than putting the burden on friends or family from my own personal experience. I will summarize with friends so they know what is happening but will not go over & over with them while I process it

[Discombobulated]

@eskielover I’m so glad you found the right psychologist who helped you process the experience you’d been through. That’s a really wise point that sometimes we need someone totally detached from our lives who we can fully confide safely in. Sometimes we don’t want to burden people in our lives and also we might not want to add stress to those relationships and jeopardise them.

My former therapist guided me to assess who was a safe person to confide in, but that said we do sometimes misjudge situations.