[moodyblue83]

I've been at war with myself since childhood. I can argue either side of an argument. I can go pro or con. Can be just as convincing on either side. I'm squarely in the center. Because of this mental battle I never can decide which way to go. But everybody knows that there is good and bad , positive and negative , the world HAS to have both. Should have been a lawyer. Because of procrastination and indecision I have not been able to to achieve any of my , ( what I believe to be ) , life's goals. I simply was a leaf in the wind. Couldn't decide if I had free will or was subject to determinism. Pretty f***** up , right ? I think I hate myself. My father was a scumbag. I guess he did the best he could , ha ha. I loved my mother dearly but I hurt her terribly. She passed over 35 years ago and took part of my heart with her .
Sorry for the rant.......sending out vibes of love.......

Don't be sorry for the rant. I understand. In fact, this post sounds pretty much like my life. I don't have anything more to offer. We're not alone in this.

[Aviza]

Sorry your feeling this way not too late to follow your dreams, as long as your alive there's time. Holidays make missing people harder, big hugs.