[black-roses]

So, I enrolled at Rockingham Tafe but then decided to change my mind because I already have friends at Murdoch tafe, but I don't hear back from the tafe if there's any spots until the 16th and so I'm worried. I also fear that no matter what course I do that I have no purpose and I'm useful to no one. I think all my obsessions with relationships stem from feeling like I don't have a purpose or I'm not worthy of being. I feel like no matter what I do I can't study. My sole purpose feels like maybe one day I'll have value and have a purpose when I have kids to love and take care of. I feel like I'm useless and can't do anything and so having kids that are useful will compensate for the futile waste of air that I feel often. It's so hard to feel confused and unable to do things, it's a painful existence always feeling like I need something outside of myself to feel worthy of the air I breathe, I don't have anyone to talk to so I talk on here. My sister would just tell me that kids are a stress and not worth it I just wish I could feel worthy and not feel like I have to prove my existence

[TheGal]

I hope you find ways to feel good in your own skin. I think depending on children to make you feel better would be a mistake, not only for you, but for them!

This is a quote I like.

Alan Watts on the meaning of life:

"The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves."

[black-roses]

I get migraines and anxiety because I feel so bad for not being able to work

[unaluna]

Does Tafe have a child care curriculum? Like for working in daycare? That could kill two birds with one stone - give you a marketable skill, plus give you the skills to take care of your own children in the future. Or even just help with your niece.

One time i visited a friend, a single mom, who had her second baby. She made me give it a bottle, then she pointed out the milk was going in the baby's ear. I think i just dont have the mommy gene.

[rechu]

Oops, unaluna! I think I am lacking the mom gene too.

Having a child is not the be-all and end-all of human existence. Many people are perfectly happy without children and others regret having them. Can you do some self-exploration as you feel that having a purpose is so strongly connected to having children? There are many other ways to find a purpose in life if that's what you want. Many people don't even have one.

Is there any career counseling or guidance at these Tafes? Maybe you can get some assistance to choose a field of study that would suit you.

[Breaking Dawn]

Also, taking care of other people's kids can sublimate or be a substitute for your need to be a mum/mommy, at least for the time being. And by the way @black-roses, I feel that you & your writing talent is much appreciated & needed by many others.

[black-roses]

I have thought of writing poetry etc but author isn't really a well paid job it's very hard to make it there so I went for something that is easier to make a living and I also enjoy.