How are you coping today? #7

I been watching some movies after being chewed out by my sister twice yesterday

I made mistakes and have no more privacy, and that's why i have less and less tolerance with people who suffer boredom and pretend to tease/insulting/violating me after years of depression and isolation
Boredom is kilometers far from being a problem for me. I can't stand cheat-chats moths

Also they blame me for everything that went bad in the family like i dont do it already alone, blaming myself for this nightmare that is now to big to handle

I have zero tolerance Vs childish adult
A child can be bored. A kid can be bored. A teenager, maybe a twenty-something.

But an adult has to manage "the great issue of boredom" alone. I did it all my life and was alone in that

I hope I cope as well today as I did yesterday. I'm finally on an upswing.

I'm very mellow. There is a weight on my mind, my thoughts are sluggish and slow. I am coping by taking it slow, by allowing myself to be slow, and not performing as I usually would.

Very sick. So far covid negative but slight fever throat hurts chills and nausea. Terrible

I did some exercise today. I was less worried but am exhausted after a long week.

I been watching some movies to help me feel better.

Been giving in to laziness so far today.

I feel like my emotions have been kind of all over the place. I got really hurt by some fairly minor things with the guy I am seeing, and they seemed and felt like a big deal to me at the time. But I also try to take into consideration that we have ONLY just met each other and we are still figuring each other out. We are both really into each other, we also both have a very hurtful broken past from our ex's and being treated wrong, harmfully, toxically and being used and abused by both of us from the past. However! instead of what I have seen with other lovers, and dating partners in the past, this guy is not projecting actions from his past ex's onto me like my ex does from early on in our relationships.
If you need to clarify what I mean by that, I mean if one of the ex-girlfriend's of NOW ex-boyfriend, cheated on him and he would almost seem to seek out excuses to find similarities with me to that person.Just to point the finger and say " YOUR CHEATING" when in fact I was not!
I feel like a lot of my emotions are due to two major factor's #1 I am just ending my first trimester of pregnancy, a pregnancy I had not expected to have and at the beginning honestly thought I was not goint to keep but emtionally I simply could not do it.
Pregnancy as we all learn in human anatomy if you ever take it! or at least biology is a challenging and VERY emotional time to deal with. Its been even harder for me since, from the very beginning I knew I was going to go at this all for the most part alone.
The two men that could be the potential fathers are so unhealthy, abusive, and toxic that I just completely and utterly refuse to have that door potentially open back up in my life even for potentially getting child support from them.
cause I feel like to some degree they would hold it against me that I did and be and remain bitter towards me and kids(having twins)\
Of course, this was not how I envisioned being a first-time mom, at all but families are not all the same, and how I go about doing this with my twins is on me more than anyone else! and that is what is keeping me out of the deep deep recesses of depression the most right now.
but I have not been able to come out and talk to as much of my family about all this as I would like due to my circumstances and the potential rejection or judgement I am afriad of potentally facing when having that disscussion.

I'm sitting in a park with my support worker and discussing ways to help myself through my current crisis.

I'm doing pretty good. I slipped a bit yesterday. Back in the saddle today. I have to learn to value time.

I'm doing well today. Trying to follow the principles of Stoicism in processing emotions. Watched a video today on Youtube with Ryan Holiday who has written several books about the philosophy of stoicism. I'm really enjoying this - feel like I have needed this my whole life. Plus since it's not a religion I feel free to cherry-pick what beliefs suit me. lol

I use a timer for almost everything. I don't have to stick to it - I can re-set it, but it helps me track how much time I spend in various activities (I'm retired).

I been trying :hug to keep myself busy from my family who abusive towards me

I am not coping well today. I had to take ativan to manage my nerves.

My nerves are really bad.

I'm coping a lot better today. Over the week, I felt completely awful and depressed.

Today I decided to sleep in. I definitely needed it.

I am coping much better today. I am almost finished packing away my Christmas decorations and bringing the boxes outside to my storage closet. This went faster than I expected.

For background noise, I have the radio on, instead of the TV. It's much better to listen to, while working.

I'm really being thorough and telling myself things today instead of just going through the day.

I’m stressing out because I’m having a hard time organising tradesmen with the project in the house, people have let me down and tbh I’m frustrated and angry about it. I’m having to work on staying calm and communicating in an effective professional way, but time is running out and I need the jobs doing before the next stage. I feel out of control and we’ve got stuff everywhere at the moment, which doesn’t help.

I’m going to work on reorganisation this afternoon and hopefully that’ll help me feel some semblance of control and order. I’ll try to keep calm.

Fingers crossed for you, @Discombobulated! Hugs with wishes coming your way!