How are you coping today? #7

HUGS Gasplessy

I am mostly numb. I guess that is how I am dealing right now. Laid in bed a lot this weekend. Not sleeping. Just laying there.

I'm doing ok today. Went out and did three errands.

I've been journaling and writing affirmations.

I am feeling disconnected and not in contact with the world around me. I am not looking after myself, part of me knows this is bad and part of me doesn't care.

I feel sad for my mother, and guilty. She has decompensated into a severely openly angry, toxic person. She’s very elderly, so I excuse and forgive her. She’s very ill. I feel guilty because she wanted me to be her rescuer, and I couldn’t do it. Much of this is contrarian and convoluted as to what she actually wanted from me. Her wishes were only expressed in passive aggressive ways, so I am not really sure what she wanted anyway. But, the idea I should feel guilty has come across loud and clear.

She is being so antagonistic I am honestly afraid someone will hurt her.

My T suggested a workbook called "The Neurodivergent Friendly Workbook of DBT Skills" A workbook of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Skills reframed to be neurodivergent friendly with the added bonus of accessible mindfulness practices, sensory strategies and managing meltdowns. By Sonny Jane Wise

I am hoping this will be helpful in helping me with my emotions.

That sounds really interesting, let us know how that works for you Kitty.

By sitting back and trying to organize a way of life that is a little more concise than the usual tries

I decided to write about my feelings

Not coping that well. My friend is dying. She's had chemo and all but is full of tumours including her brain. She is 20 years older than me, and a bit of a mother figure in my mind. She lives far away now, so I basically said goodbye over the phone today and that I loved her. She didn't say she loved me back but just to "take care." My husband says I shouldn't be hurt as she has brain cancer and is very foggy. Her husband was in the background telling her what to say a few times recently on the phone because she loses track of things. I couldn't hear him this time though.

Anyway, I loved her and will miss her. Her medically-assisted death is in a week. I don't know what else to do. Nothing I guess.

I’m praying a lot because it’s out of my hands now. I made the break and it will be what it will be. I am so anxious that the good outcome I expect will somehow not be and I will have some awful outcome. This is me catastrophizing, not healthy thinking, but still…so much anxiety until I finally know. Nail biter.

I'm not sure. I am longing to do some unhealthy behavior (SH) but I am trying not to. I wish I could have another session with my T this week and I kind of hinted at it but didn't ask directly (I know, that's on me). I did a bit of journaling. I am trying to figure out what things are soothing to me and when they would be soothing. Like last night I was laying in bed and I had the comforter on, but not the sheet and the ceiling fan was on and my dog, Zoey, was laying by me. It was comforting and soothing (I am trying to learn how to self-soothe! It's so hard!) and I found that soothing but it wouldn't be soothing if I was in an intensely or even moderately distressed state. I was in a relaxed state so it was soothing. I need to learn how to soothe myself when I am more distressed.

When my mother can't copy (totally understandable to say the least) i am also not copying

I didn't cope well yesterday. I self harmed. I hope to cope better today.

Went to the gym today - that always makes me feel better.. afterwards! lol

So far so good , no thinking , no analyzing , letting all the ******** go ! I don't have the control over my life that I imagine to have every day..... it's in Gods hands now.....

I dreamed about hugging him and woke up wishing it could be. Feeling all the mixed emotions and talking myself back down to reality and healthy.

I been talking :grouphug back to :eek negative thoughts I have because I been :hug feeling really down lately about : myself

All day I did nothing. That's not coping.

I been reading It didn’t start with you How inherited family trauma shapes who we are and how to end the cycle Mark Wolynn what I am reading is making sense to me

Last night I felt like I was going to go crazy so I decided to leave my house for once and do some shopping. My anxiety was tough when I woke up but I got it under control. My shopping went good. When I got home I was feeling kinda queasy. Then I drank a zero sugar cucumber lime Gatorade and my stomach pain just like erupted. So I took some tylenol and some tablet pepcid. Not the chewable kind I had been taking. Now things are becoming somewhat manageable.

So overall my anxiety and moods were ok today. My physical issues still aren't 100%

I took a walk and went out on my own which I am desperately in need of.

Worry about whether or not my niece will become with me because of my nephew telling my niece things that are private.

I'm getting just one or two things done each day. Not expecting a lot of myself. But I'm kind of satisfied with what's getting done.