How are you coping today? #7

Buffy01 · Jan 17, 2023 at 10:30 AM

I’m watching some new movies today on Hulu

after and argument

with my older

brother

Gasplessy · Jan 26, 2023 at 04:54 AM

I miss the era before 2016/2017
Not a nostalgic person but I had a normal average life and hopes
I wish I had managed myself better, but I would have never imagined a future like this
I cant believe it, five years of nonsense and abuse and as much as I blame myself, this is out of control and i won't fight, i don't fight in these conditions, it is objectively too much

TheGal · Jan 27, 2023 at 06:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gasplessy

I miss the era before 2016/2017
Not a nostalgic person but I had a normal average life and hopes
I wish I had managed myself better, but I would have never imagined a future like this
I cant believe it, five years of nonsense and abuse and as much as I blame myself, this is out of control and i won't fight, i don't fight in these conditions, it is objectively too much

I feel pretty much the same, but would push the dates back farther.

I think I need to forgive myself, offer self-compassion and acceptance.

But all that seems easier said than done.

Gasplessy · Jan 31, 2023 at 05:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheGal

I feel pretty much the same, but would push the dates back farther.

I think I need to forgive myself, offer self-compassion and acceptance.

But all that seems easier said than done.

I don't like to glorify the past

I am aware it is non-sense to talk like this, it is just that I lost control and a serious of bad events happened globale

I personally can only re-think my actions
Because I have not been a saint. At all

I started to think I was punished by karma or something

I don't want to see my older sister anymore. She was so worse than me, and childish beyond the line
I used to protect her and she didn't even realize
She never helped me with my unemployment condition. And despite being labelled like trash i am aware that just few years ago i used to be a working person who also help others
She did the minimum and never cared for any ethical issue. And i cant blame depression cause she finds plenty of time for malicious hobbys

I dont want to talk like this, but I lost completely control in 2017. My fault

Gasplessy · 12:09 PM

I made mistakes and have no more privacy, and that's why i have less and less tolerance with people who suffer boredom and pretend to tease/insulting/violating me after years of depression and isolation
Boredom is kilometers far from being a problem for me. I can't stand cheat-chats moths

Also they blame me for everything that went bad in the family like i dont do it already alone, blaming myself for this nightmare that is now to big to handle

I have zero tolerance Vs childish adult
A child can be bored. A kid can be bored. A teenager, maybe a twenty-something.

But an adult has to manage "the great issue of boredom" alone. I did it all my life and was alone in that

Gasplessy · Mar 13, 2023 at 01:52 PM

Hardly coping. Struggling with pain and shame, wish I could go back tho i dont deserve it

Discombobulated · Mar 14, 2023 at 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gasplessy

Hardly coping. Struggling with pain and shame, wish I could go back tho i dont deserve it

If I think about it I probably don’t deserve many of the things in my life either but I’ve come to t feel it’s not about deserving or otherwise. It’s possibly about doing our best in the moment with what resources we’ve got at that time. I’m still developing those thoughts. Peace to you.

Gasplessy · Mar 20, 2023 at 01:20 PM

Possible trigger:

I am having bad times and i deserve that. I wish to fly away

Gasplessy · May 27, 2023 at 12:25 PM

Very difficult lately

Possible trigger:

Been asking God to take me away since 2018 and it keeps getting worse. I am sorry, i can't understand what happened to my life
Have i ever been good? ...maybe ten years ago i was still good... but then... I got punished

I try to make little good action every day bu it is too late now

TunedOut · May 27, 2023 at 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gasplessy

Very difficult lately

Possible trigger:

Been asking God to take me away since 2018 and it keeps getting worse. I am sorry, i can't understand what happened to my life
Have i ever been good? ...maybe ten years ago i was still good... but then... I got punished

I try to make little good action every day bu it is too late now

You are in my prayers tonight.

Gasplessy · May 28, 2023 at 05:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TunedOut

You are in my prayers tonight.

Thank you but I got to say i dont't deserve prayers. There are other people that need them more

But thanks

Gasplessy · May 28, 2023 at 05:48 AM

Was coping okay (cleaning, cooking, thinking about fixing things) until my (poor) mother returned home just saying "That boy is always smiling and kind", referring to a neighbour my age who is moving in the nearby apartment
I started saying "Well i am sorry but I too used to be active and smiling just some years ago" and she was sad but also kinda gave me a silent treatment
So i tried to stop but we had a discussioni and i eventually screamed "what do you want?"
Then realized i have just been a beast for six to ten years straight and wish this wasn't true

Gasplessy · May 29, 2023 at 03:11 PM

Little better than last days

Possible trigger:

Avoided the therapy, apologized to the therapist for that
Deep cleaned the house, booked some blood tests that I have to do just to see how bad the situation is
Diet day gone okay

Cried my guilt out but it won't help. I feel like a bad ****** out of work or something
Hating myself for bringing negativity on this forum, i regret posting but very lonely
Sorry

Gasplessy · Jun 03, 2023 at 11:05 AM

Coping quite bad, very nervous mix of anxiety and guilt

Gasplessy · Jul 12, 2023 at 07:52 AM

Keeping busy but feel defeated
Wish I could go back and did things properly when I could

Buffy01 · Jul 12, 2023 at 09:31 AM

I’m working on hidden anger :grouphug and trying to let go

Gasplessy · Jul 18, 2023 at 07:45 AM

Finding it hard to keep up with unsolved old issues/regrets
Can't believe i am still here unsolved

Also i don't want the autumn to arrive. Autumn is for the youngs

Buffy01 · Jul 18, 2023 at 09:08 AM

I am

trying to figure out

how to deal with :hug being ignored all the time

Gasplessy · Jul 24, 2023 at 10:49 AM

Used to cope in the past but now time's up

Buffy01 · Jul 24, 2023 at 01:22 PM

I need to

figure out

how to

let go of the past

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How are you coping today? #7

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Gasplessy Member Member Since Oct 2016 Location: Europe Posts: 405 7 554 hugs given	Mar 13, 2023 at 01:52 PM #6 Hardly coping. Struggling with pain and shame, wish I could go back tho i dont deserve it
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Gasplessy Member Member Since Oct 2016 Location: Europe Posts: 405 7 554 hugs given	Mar 20, 2023 at 01:20 PM #8 Possible trigger: I am having bad times and i deserve that. I wish to fly away
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Gasplessy Member Member Since Oct 2016 Location: Europe Posts: 405 7 554 hugs given	May 27, 2023 at 12:25 PM #9 Very difficult lately Possible trigger: Been asking God to take me away since 2018 and it keeps getting worse. I am sorry, i can't understand what happened to my life Have i ever been good? ...maybe ten years ago i was still good... but then... I got punished I try to make little good action every day bu it is too late now
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Gasplessy Member Member Since Oct 2016 Location: Europe Posts: 405 7 554 hugs given	Jun 03, 2023 at 11:05 AM #14 Coping quite bad, very nervous mix of anxiety and guilt
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Gasplessy Member Member Since Oct 2016 Location: Europe Posts: 405 7 554 hugs given	Jul 12, 2023 at 07:52 AM #15 Keeping busy but feel defeated Wish I could go back and did things properly when I could
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Gasplessy Member Member Since Oct 2016 Location: Europe Posts: 405 7 554 hugs given	Jul 18, 2023 at 07:45 AM #17 Finding it hard to keep up with unsolved old issues/regrets Can't believe i am still here unsolved Also i don't want the autumn to arrive. Autumn is for the youngs
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Gasplessy Member Member Since Oct 2016 Location: Europe Posts: 405 7 554 hugs given	Jul 24, 2023 at 10:49 AM #19 Used to cope in the past but now time's up
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