[Blah nlah]

I cried a lot. Sobbed, panicked and wept and wept. Triggers were very small and thoughts all over the spectrum. Sometimes feeling terrible, sometimes saying “it’s gonna be okay!”
Was taking a bath, there was no soap, cried. Water was too hot, cried. Pee was too yellow, cried. Friend was nice to me, cried. Cried in intervals.
Went to the library, it reminded me of him, cried. My mother was shocked. She said who is this guy who is making you cry so much? I said I need to forgive myself first.

[Tart Cherry Jam]

I cannot offer any consolation but will explain that when your pee is too yellow, it means that you are dehydrated which is not good. Drink water preventively and monitor the color of your pee to ensure it is only pale yellow and not intense yellow. Drinking water with electrolytes is especially effective.

[Blah nlah]

Thank you for your advice. It’s okay that you can’t offer any consolation. I am dealing with the grief as much as I can. I am smiling when I am able to. I feel there’s two types of courage. One for him owning up/ showing up and another that I stop being scared of him hurting me. I assured my mom that he hasn’t done anything wrong. I need to forgive myself and stop being scared. I hope you understand and be kind to me. I am at a very feeble stage right now.