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Elder
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
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#61
It’s not for me to tell you what to do HH but I’d urge you to explore how you feel within yourself after looking at their social media? Do you feel better or worse? If the answer is worse (I’m going to guess it may be) then staying away from their pages at least or possibly even social media altogether might be a good idea. What do you feel?
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
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#62
Quote:
admittedly and sheepishly I can say it's very compulsive and obsessive on my part - I know it's not a good idea - but I want to see if he looks happy. And he hasn't posted ANY public pics of them on HIS profile, only SHE is posting pics public photos of them. What I also find to be interesting is he changed his background image yesterday, and it's a photo that he had taken when he was with me, of a flower garden when we picked sunflowers together. What does THAT say? Not only THAT, but photos of us together are still up on his profile, in his profile photos section - like 4 of them. So that's interesting too. Why hasn't he removed them? Please just humor me for a moment - what do you think all of these things mean or say? __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,237
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#63
I posted on my facebook abuse support group about it. They all basically said to not let my emotions get the best of me, to hold my head high, and to ignore him/them if I run into them in town. It's so freaking hard. I feel he is still abusing me, even a year and a half after our divorce, by moving so close to me and by being able to keep a close eye on me. It's so very triggering. I cannot help my anxieties when they come up. I still want to confront him in front of her about moving into my neighborhood. It's sooooo hard not to want to do that.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,237
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#64
I'm so vengeful. I made "public" so he can see all my happy posts since our divorce. I want him to believe I am living the best life without him.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 5,121
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5 12.3k hugs
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#65
Quote:
If you focus on your ex and his gf it will take so much energy from you and the life you could be working on. |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,237
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#66
Quote:
He did this on purpose. It was revenge. And he got his revenge alright. I am not living my best life - I am still living in the nightmare of him - I am reliving the nightmare of him, and he did this to me. How do I live comfortably, in safety and in peace, with him living right down the street from me, and with him being able to spy on me and my home as he pleases? It's a prison. I am back in his prison all over again and I cannot escape. 8 more months until I can move - how do I survive 8 more months of this HELL? __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 5,121
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5 12.3k hugs
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#67
That’s a very tough situation, you are physically nearby, the only way you can escape at this time is through your mind. Keeping your focus on things other than him. At least until you can move away.
Is there any sort of project you can apply yourself to? Maybe something you always wanted to do but always put off? I find if I’m physically occupied and my mind is in practical mode I do better. |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,237
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6 3,686 hugs
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#68
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__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 5,121
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5 12.3k hugs
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#69
Those ideas all sound good, we all need activities to keep us sane HH you’re certainly not alone. It’s time to focus on you and your well-being.
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,237
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#70
Quote:
What is getting me the most is knowing he did this to me on purpose, to steal my happiness and to make me miserable. And it's working. He wins. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 5,121
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5 12.3k hugs
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#71
Well, there’s another aspect to consider, he hasn’t stopped you accessing mutual support through your good friend you mentioned here. He also is unable to stop you accessing support here at msf. He may have tried a power game but his power really is limited.
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,237
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,686 hugs
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#72
Quote:
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,237
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6 3,686 hugs
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#73
I am seething so bad right now with anger that my jaw is tensing up and clamping. I feel it running and coursing through my veins.
I want to throw raw eggs on his car... I want to flatten all 4ires, I want to throw objects at him - I want him to fall off the planet. I was going to pay off 10K of my debt with my upcoming bonus. Now, because of him, I have to spend the majority of my work bonus moving and on moving expenses - all because of him moving into my neighborhood. I LOVE where I live, and I LOVE my home! I have all conveniences of the city and the country nearby and I am central to everything. I live close to my mother. I now, I have to move homes, when before he moved into my neighborhood, I had decided I wanted to stay in my current home as long as I can - for many years to come - I love it that much. I am so freaking bitter. This is NOT fair. It is SO unjust. Not only did he abuse me for 5 years and made my life incredibly stressful, deeply distressing, and hurtful, but now to boot I have to spend 6-7K moving, money that would have paid off a large portion of my debt. Understand why I want to egg him and flatten his tires? And why I wish him off the planet? I hope his terrible karma comes back around, as it should. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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