Constantly triggered

@RDMercer, thank you, I appreciate you chiming in on my thread and I appreciate your perspective and thoughts, even though mine are slightly different.

The difference is I feel very strong - I feel powerful. And just this morning I adopted that perspective.

He can't contact me, or else I will get a restraining order, just as I had threatened to him early last April. That was our actual last communication.

When I have spotted him in the neighborhood at a store, I have avoided all contact. And there's been 3-4 instances where I have spotted him.

I caught eyes with him in early August in a parking lot at a concert, just as was walking to our car with a male friend of mine, and as my ex was driving right by us. We caught eyes, and he put on a sad puppy dog look but I remained blank and unaffected. I looked away, held my head high and kept walking unphased by it.

And today, I am drawing strong boundaries. I have mentally placed a huge brick wall between my side of the neighborhood and his side. He cannot penetrate my side - even if he drives by my home.

He doesn't get access to me anymore - and on social media? I am only making certain posts public so that if he spies on me with another account - a secret account, and I believe he has one because I found it - well, he will see that I have made new friends, that I've been traveling, that I've been enjoying life without him, and that I am thriving at work. So be it if he can access those photos - I want him to. I want him to know that he could not kill me, as he had hoped. He can't touch me - he cannot be with me. I am happy on my own, is what I want to communicate. And that for me is most empowering.

I haven't physically been face to face talking to him since last Feb. That was the last time I had given him any real access to me. And i had let down my guard then, mistakenly. Well, never again. Never again will I speak to him. And therein lies my power. I will not allow it.

"The difference is I feel very strong - I feel powerful. And just this morning I adopted that perspective."

Yeah.. BIG difference.

Awesome.

RDMercer

@RDMercer ... I heard from family and a close friend that I need to take my own power back. So I am.

I cannot dictate nor control where he lives or what he does. but I can control myself and my own reactions.

Thank you so much for this passage. I copied it and will try to practice this mantra in my head.

An ex came after me on facebook yesterday regarding the election outcome. I was upset about it and posted about my upset, and he kept coming after me in the comments. I made a few posts,. and he commented on every one. And when I tried to shut him down because he was baiting me to get into a political debate and argument? He kept going, even after I told him end of discussion.

I felt bullied and targeted by him. I only dated him for one month last year and broke up with him because he had way too much negative drama around him regarding several female ex's. After we broke up, I found out that he's broken two women's arms and is severely abusive.

And now he's come after me online. This is after recently telling me that he enjoyed being with me and cares for me. I didn't take the bait then and now he came after me and essentially attacked me online.

I am only "friends" with him on facebook because we travel in the same music and social circles and I want to keep the peace and not cause waves or drama. Plus, he calls ALL his past ex's "crazy" and "unstable". I bet if I blocked him or unfriended him, that he will start rumors that I too am unstable and crazy.

I deleted yet another obnoxious baiting type of comment of his just this morning! He is STILL coming at me, even after I deleted all his comments and after trying to nip it.

I feel very targeted and it's triggering me.

Can you block him?

I will block him, yes.

Good move.

So, I unfriended him yesterday. He just came after me again, but over messenger, telling me it's "hilarious" that I unfriended him. I have no idea how he knows it was me because of so many friends and facebook does not inform you when someone unfriends you. So I told him he came after me the other day, harassed me, and to leave me alone. Next I blocked him before he could reply again.

Now I am physically shaking from my PTSD.

Yeah that’s creepy. As far as I know the only way you can tell someone unfriended you is either by checking through your own friends list or by going to that person’s profile.

Good job blocking him. Hopefully this will be this last of him.

Thank you! I believe he likely stalked my profile, and at 5 in the morning!!!! That's very creepy!

I am still shaken. This guy has been physically and sexually abusive with several women. He's a predator. I felt stalked the other day on Facebook by him. I am so glad I blocked him. Since we stopped dating well over a year ago, I've tried to keep the peace because we run in the same music scene. But then the latest stories I heard from his ex fiance, who told me that he had tackled her and broke her arm, it made me turn a corner. But still, I tried to keep the peace because he had never done anything negative or abusive to. me, personally, except for he became nasty when I broke up with him. Nasty to the point where I told him I would hang up the phone on him and leave the conversation. But that was the only time he had been difficult and negative towards me. So I tried to keep the peace for the peace's sake, and being Christian, but this latest act was the icing on the cake which flipped the switch for me. No more nicey nice from me to him. I will avoid him whenever I bump into him, and I do not care to say hello or speak to him. He's a cancer sore and not someone I will associate with. Period. Still, I am shaken by the experience this week with him coming at me with guns blazing over the election. I had been posting about feminist principles, and he attacked me. He is someone who doesn't respect women, so of course he came at me. I will stand for what I stand for though, and I do not take any crap from anyone. Not anymore.

Not my saying, but one I like.

Once you stop making yourself small, not everyone fits into your life.

@RDMercer, how am I making myself small? That's not my own perspective or perception of myself. I've just always been too open, too friendly, and too accepting, without many boundaries early on. That's the mistake I see myself making in these relationships.

Hi Hope

I wasn’t giving you advice.

I was cheering you on.

You said:

I will stand for what I stand for though, and I do not take any crap from anyone. Not anymore.

And then I was all like

“Yeah! Tell him! Don’t make yourself small! Stand up and squeeze him out of your space!! Eff that effing head case!!”

@RDMercer ah ok, now I understand. Thanks for clarifying!!!!

Yeah, screw him. I am done.