Turning casual acquaintances into caregivers.

Since I started socializing more, I've noticed my tendency to turn acquaintances into "caregivers." In some cases, I may confide in someone who doesn't like me before that person has earned my trust. There's this woman in my church who from the very beginning didn't like me. I saw it in her body language and facial expressions, but I pressed on asking her for job hunting advice. Until, she laughed at me when I told her that my sister bullied me. Then, I distanced myself from her.

Has anyone had experiences like this?

Ive never done this but I hope maybe you can learn from this?

Only now I can see this lesson as clear as the sun. In the past, I befriended bullies and other toxic people without realizing it. It's been a difficult lesson to learn.

Glad you were able to see the lesson.

I trust people too much - it's weird. Even though I keep gettig hurt, I still go on trusting people. But it's more like a kind of courage I suppose (or stupidity) that makes me risk trusting them. I think I read too many children's novels with happy endings. I think I am quite emotionally dependent, but not for things like making decisions or judgements, so I only partially fit the category of DD or whatever it's called. But then I don't fit any of the others either.

Do you mean to say that you confide in them, and then, they say or do things to hurt you? I do this too. I've gotten hurt by many people who had a history of being mean to me after I became vulnerable by revealing convinctions and at times, what brings me joy has been a prime target for their flair of sarcasm.

Dependent Personality Disorder is unique for each person. It's characteristics vary depending on one's upbringing and people have it in different degrees.

I don't know if I do this... but reading what you guys have written I am thinking about things now.

People I am so close to I will let in but then they go and tell people my problems ie spread them around work. I trust too easily. I have learnt the hard way too.

At the moment I am going through a really hard time with depression and have been off work for over all 3 months on and off. My best friends were supportive. Now they don't even care about me. They are the only 2 in work I am really close to. They do not answer texts, phone calls or emails. They only speak to me when they want to. I am really peeved off. I miss the 2 of them so much but I am so angry at the same time.

Everyone walks over me. I let people in and then they distroy my trust. People wonder why I ahve trust issues

this can really hurt, I know.

I am in the process of changing this pattern.

I think it's from dealing with unavailable ppl all my life.

I keep running into ppl who resent dealing with me and it just makes me feel horrible.

ty for sharing this.

Billi

I can relate to this. I have DPD and have what my Psychologist calls 'a well of need' brought on by my parents not meeting my needs when younger.

Since I was a teenager I have found friendships very one-sided where I confide and offload all my troubles. My troubles are great as I swing from one crisis to another. Friends dont confide in me because they think I have too many problems of my own.

I have no friends now because I have learned that I cant help but ggive too much personal stuff away. Also I have allowed men to take advantage of me sexually because I was so needy and could not find any other way to keep them close.

Good Luck

Yes, I know, dependent.

The latest one I dealt with, I almost begged her to talk about her troubles---I am not kidding---to break my pattern. she will not. But she told me to tell her mine.

Then I do.

Guess what?

She says, "Well, I won't bee at __________ website anymore, so here's my email address."

I email her and never hear from her again.

(banging head against wall in frustration) not really doing it; just in my mind, don't worry!

Billi

And you met this lady in church!!!?? Not a very good example of a christian is she!!

I met her at a website.

I go out of my way to be there for HER and she does this turnaround and gameplaying on me.

what a woman!

Billi

btw, I still haven't heard from her!

Were you sharing more about yourself than your two best friends?

Thanks for sharing about how it is for you, dependent1.

For me it has been partly due to learning from the way mom related to me. She would force me to make her company and she would unload on me all the problems she had with my dad and others. She was never interested in how I felt. I always came out overwhelmed and drained from such interactions. Also, she isolated me from my peers and never allowed me to make friends.
So, I find that I often come out as very needy and childish. I am still struggling to make friends in a healthy way.

I am not dependent but my brother is. This was very informative for me to read. I am not lurking, just learning about the disorder. Thanks everyone for sharing.

You're welcome.

I'm very dependent on my 87 year old mom and frightened what will happen to me when she dies, Any Help!!!

I didn't know there was such as thing a DPD; but it makes sense. What needs went unmet in our childhoods do have a tendency to repeat their unresolved scenarios in present circumstances and toxic people; you sound like you did learn the lesson and can learn to identify the toxic people who plain just don't care. My study of schema therapy and "Reinventing Your Life" by Dr. Jeffrey Young really helped me to see how emotional deprivation (abuse) from parents in the early years, people who were not available or didn't find the time to listen or care, can play out in our later years. Identifying our trigger schemas, (or life traps), this psychologist explains, can lead us into having the ability to avoid the traps and confide in emotionally available people, especially in romantic interest.
Good luck with moving on and growing, belli: Churches can be the worst places for abusers, I've learned, especially the married women who have contempt or jealousy for single women and try to make them feel inadequate sometimes. There are all kinds of hypocrites in church; maybe church is their hiding place? I avoid church now; I'd rather hang out with a street addict, though I don't know any!!

There definitely is DPD, i can vouch for that and its so fearful of not being left alone it leads to panic attacks, depression and anxiety.