How to find the self if you don't think there is any

If you feel like you live life only for other people but you never do something for yourself and you even don't have a clue who this 'self' could be...

How could you ever get in touch with it?

I think people in the psychology field just dish out whatever they feel is appropriate for them to say because they don't know the answer. They are not the ones suffering.

Forwardinreverse, I've studied into this a lot, and there is hope for you. Find a therapist who does psychodynamic therapy and talk to him/her on the phone first. A good therapist will lead you to the discovery of your true self. As you talk about yourself, with the T's competent help, you go through the events that caused you too lose yourself and seek it through helping others. Of course, helping others is good, but only after you've helped yourself first to find yourself and feel a sense of fullness. Then, it's the overflow which lets you help others in a healthier way.
It's especially discouraging when a therapist doesn't work out (I've been through a few myself) but your best chance , in my opinion,for dealing with this deep issue is to give it another try with a better therapist.

Forwardinreverse,

I can really identify with the type of dilemma you are having here - the feeling of "floating" without having the pleasure of knowing yourself. I used to read all the time both about Jung's theory of Self and also different blogs written by people who say that they've found their Selves. I just had this feeling that I had a Self, but I didn't know how to reach it or to be logically sure that it was actually there. I didn't have access to therapy, but I did have a conversation with one person in the "real world" and a few conversations with the members of Psych Central, and I realized that everything I've done and everything that I've felt in the past somehow "smelled" like me. There was some kind of element that stayed the same in the thoughts that I've had throughout my life. I have to take into account that some of the activities that I've done were completely alien to me because I felt pressured into doing/starting them, but the key is that my reaction to these events just sounded like "something I would do."

The next step for me was trying to "merge" with myself (and my Self) more often, and that led to some frustration because I thought that I could be my Self fully all the time. I realized (and am still trying to understand) that maybe one of the reasons why the Self is so hard to find, is that it can't be present ALL of the time. It is always there in some respect, but it takes so much energy for the Self to be present that it has to "rest" sometimes. I also like reading about the "Flow State" in psychology. This is a state where you are so absorbed in whatever you are doing that you forget all time and space around you. It is such a cool feeling and everyone experiences it! You feel so great afterward, but also exhausted. I think that this is the time when your true self comes to the surface and whenever you break your flow state, your Self must retreat and recover its energy.

I hope this helps,
pkey

Thanks!

I agree that there must be some 'self' to every human being. But for some (or a lot of them) this self has been suppressed for a long time. I know that I used to do things to please my parents, my teachers, my partner, my family, my therapist...

And it's until there comes a moment where you realize that actually it's nobody's job to tell you what to do, and that you are free, you start to wonder who you are. At least, that's how it worked for me.
But it's been a confusing journey. I have been trained to please others. I find it extremely hard to see my 'self' through all of my actions. And sometimes I also don't want to see this. I felt comfortable at least having someone around me who appreciated what I did, you know. It's as if, when you do things for others, you feel like you don't have any responsibility for your action (but of course you do). Being a 'grown up' now, I am terrified by knowing that everything is up to me. My choices, my decisions, my actions, my life...
It forces me to get a clearer view on who I am. We have to go through our days anyway, we have to make choices anyhow... then at least can it be choices that align with who I am? I hope so...

Wow reading thru all this is a tru eye opener!! Ican totally relate!

Yes I knew I never liked to be alone.. well more so dreaded not being in a relationship or be dependent to someone... just so they could see that I need them and vice versa.. But I had no idea thst THIS was connected w me not knowing who I am inside..!! Amazing! Thanks for all u guys sharing!

Hi .. Can u please explain what u mean by my Self and the self and myself ? You wrote it different ways but couldn't catch the differences of how u meant them.

Ty so much

I don't feel like i live life only for other people...

Hello:
Many years ago I met a man who had been in India and he turned me on to the traditional question: Who/What am I? which comes out of a branch of Indian thought or practice known a Advaita.

At the risk of sending you into DEEP waters, I offer you a few links that might help you "find" your real SELF, good luck.





Any of this information and teachings can take you to the place or state of Self knowledge or becoming WHO you really are.
Enjoy and good luck,