[purplebutterfly]

No one hears the depression no one sees the depression only I do- i cover it up act happy but inside im dying im hurting im crying i can't let others know im a disappointment shameful disgusting worthless no one no friends so what is to cover because no one hears because there is no one maybe its all in my head or maybe im disassociating im all over the place in and out of past things that have happened feeling let down feeling hurt feeling left behind feeling no one is out there just wanting to self injure because that is the only way i can deal with things maybe i should just hide the feelings forget about them doesn't really matter now does it because im just not worth even posting this no one will care no will answer no one will feel the pain see the tears maybe this is the way my life is always going to be- depressed and self injuring for over 20 years sorry i know im not the only one going through these things just feeling like i am lately im so lonely meds seem to help some but not enough to get me out of this have so many shameful things from my past that no will ever understand so i do not tell, its better just kept to myself t and pdoc never understand so what is the point in going just feeling like everyone walks over me like im just laying across the road they just walk over my body and never glance back to see if im okay its no ones fault its all mine like i said earlier im a useless piece of trash that does not deserve anything better than this life i have been given just want to thank the one that gave me life thanks for the crappy life needing to talk but at the same time i just want to hide thinking i should just delete all this and go on just needing to get it out not like its going to leave or anything no even make things better in fact maybe make it worse or trigger me sorry for taking your time in reading this no response needed or expected im sure that no one cares just writing thoughts and feelings

[Amazonmom]

I'm sorry.

[pegasus]

((((((( purplebutterfly ))))))) Hugs! I do hear you.

Well you can't see it, but what progress! That is the most I have ever seen you write down. I know you are still blaming yourself and living in flashbacks a lot of the time but you can see that too! A while a go you wouldn't have been able to recognize that. Eventually you will see and believe that you are worthy and you do matter.

[3velniai]

[Rohag]

Every word I read; I did not waste my time. Those feelings...they're ours and yet they're not ours. You laid out your thoughts, and I look at them, pick them up and wonder at the similarities and dissimilarities to my own. Having looked, I know you better, and I know me better. Thank you.

((((( purple ))))) not a useless piece of trash.

[cantstopcrying]

Mel, I hear you, we here hear you. You are STRONG AND WONDERFUL and are not walking alone. (more later, just wanted to chime in quickly)

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( purple ))))))))))))))))))

[turquoisesea]

(((((((((((((((purple)))))))))))))))))))

you're worth it.
I'm glad you posted. I'm glad because these feelings DO have to get out somehow. To get through depression is to deal with our feelings , to learn how to do so in a healthy way.

In my life, I have learned to repress EVERYTHING. And it has been poison from the inside. Because you can hide the feelings but you can't make them not there.

Try to find a way to get the feelings out, if you can.
Sending hugs

[u2nance]

You're never alone...you have all of us!
You're in my thoughts

U2nance

[mzdiva]

I feel the same way u do I have a serious problem that I cant explain I constantly move and move and move and I do big moves state to state I jus think that is the dumbest thing but I dont no y i do it I dont have no money but I will move Im trying to figure why do I do that becuase its very unstable please some one no let me no

Originally Posted by purplebutterfly

No one hears the depression no one sees the depression only I do- i cover it up act happy but inside im dying im hurting im crying i can't let others know im a disappointment shameful disgusting worthless no one no friends so what is to cover because no one hears because there is no one maybe its all in my head or maybe im disassociating im all over the place in and out of past things that have happened feeling let down feeling hurt feeling left behind feeling no one is out there just wanting to self injure because that is the only way i can deal with things maybe i should just hide the feelings forget about them doesn't really matter now does it because im just not worth even posting this no one will care no will answer no one will feel the pain see the tears maybe this is the way my life is always going to be- depressed and self injuring for over 20 years sorry i know im not the only one going through these things just feeling like i am lately im so lonely meds seem to help some but not enough to get me out of this have so many shameful things from my past that no will ever understand so i do not tell, its better just kept to myself t and pdoc never understand so what is the point in going just feeling like everyone walks over me like im just laying across the road they just walk over my body and never glance back to see if im okay its no ones fault its all mine like i said earlier im a useless piece of trash that does not deserve anything better than this life i have been given just want to thank the one that gave me life thanks for the crappy life needing to talk but at the same time i just want to hide thinking i should just delete all this and go on just needing to get it out not like its going to leave or anything no even make things better in fact maybe make it worse or trigger me sorry for taking your time in reading this no response needed or expected im sure that no one cares just writing thoughts and feelings

Originally Posted by purplebutterfly

No one hears the depression no one sees the depression only I do- i cover it up act happy but inside im dying im hurting im crying i can't let others know im a disappointment shameful disgusting worthless no one no friends so what is to cover because no one hears because there is no one maybe its all in my head or maybe im disassociating im all over the place in and out of past things that have happened feeling let down feeling hurt feeling left behind feeling no one is out there just wanting to self injure because that is the only way i can deal with things maybe i should just hide the feelings forget about them doesn't really matter now does it because im just not worth even posting this no one will care no will answer no one will feel the pain see the tears maybe this is the way my life is always going to be- depressed and self injuring for over 20 years sorry i know im not the only one going through these things just feeling like i am lately im so lonely meds seem to help some but not enough to get me out of this have so many shameful things from my past that no will ever understand so i do not tell, its better just kept to myself t and pdoc never understand so what is the point in going just feeling like everyone walks over me like im just laying across the road they just walk over my body and never glance back to see if im okay its no ones fault its all mine like i said earlier im a useless piece of trash that does not deserve anything better than this life i have been given just want to thank the one that gave me life thanks for the crappy life needing to talk but at the same time i just want to hide thinking i should just delete all this and go on just needing to get it out not like its going to leave or anything no even make things better in fact maybe make it worse or trigger me sorry for taking your time in reading this no response needed or expected im sure that no one cares just writing thoughts and feelings

purplebutterfly,

I can certainly relate to how you feel and how you view yourself because I feel the same way about myself all the time. But trust me you're not worthless. Big Hugs
Autumn

[mountainstream]

((((((((((purplebutterfly))))))))))))

[Shellbe]

you matter. i know it doesn't feel like it. i know those feelings. i'm so sorry you feel this way. be good to you. it hurts, i know. hang on.

[bera]

When I started going to my T, I had alot of the same feelings. She said that I justed needed to figuere out how to get them out. Have you tried journaling. That seems to help me alot.