[lenjan]

I've been thinking a lot today about what my pdoc said to me the other day, that he felt bad he hadn't been able to help me more. And I thought, this is a man who actively intervenes in and affects other people's lives on a daily basis. People use MY work to potty train puppies. If HE doesn't think he's accomplished anything, *I* certainly haven't, in comparison.

And I have this stinking birthday coming up, and all I can think is, "why bother?" In 40 years so far, I've accomplished zip-zippo-nada. I have no reasonable expectation of that changing. So why bother? I have enough pills to open my own pharmacy here and could easily go that route. I guess I'm looking for a reason not to. I've wasted half my life -- why bother?



Candy

[Leslie]

(((((((((((((((((candybear)))))))))))))))

I couldn't of said it better than place. You are worth a lot and you have done alot.

Take care,
Leslie

[Wants2Fly]

Hi CandyBear --

It's true, birthdays are good time for reflection, and it's almost inevitable on landmark birthdays. But, as Place pointed out, you never know who has been affected by what you write or do or say or even a smile.

And you gave the world a handsome, smart, wonderful boy who has brought joy to his adoptive parents -- and getting to know him has brought joy to you. That alone might make it all worth while.

(((((((((((((((((((CandyBear)))))))))))))))))

[MacD]

Like a ripple in a pond.....who knows who may have been changed in a negative way without your presence on this earth...I'm 40, and frankly...i'm just beginning to feel comfortable in my skin...just beginning to understand what I want from life...and more importantly...how to get it...(remember Desperate Housewives baby.....40 is the "new 30") Hang in there and happy, happy birthday....love grace

[gardenergirl]

Hi candybear,
I like McDonald40's image of a ripple on a pond...the impact of even a tiny break in the surface can travel far and wide beyond what you can see. What you do every day pays it forward in so many ways. Your job is one that does not provide you with a lot of feedback in the way that mine does. That's hard. Can you try to take pleasure and satisfaction in the *process* of life and work and not so much on the outcome? Because it's in the living that we are here, not in the sum total. At least that is how I look at it.

And to give you an example of one of your ripples...your nudge to me about messing up your name in my reply to you called to my attention how much I've been operating on autopilot lately...and how it's letting me down. That's always a red flag. I appreciated your gentle way of calling me on it. If you had just ignored it and I had noticed it later, I would have been even more mortified, and I might be even more stressed and overwhelmed. Now, I can try to nip it in the bud. So I thank you for that.

I hope as your birthday approaches you reflect on more ripples of which you are aware, and you also take pleasure in knowing that in your life process there are countless others of which you will never know...but know they are still there, still rippling.

gg

[h0kie]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Like a ripple in a pond.....who knows who may have been changed in a negative way without your presence on this earth...

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This reminded me of an episode of Joan of Arcadia. In it Joan learns everything has ripples. Every action we take or don't take has a ripple. It's hard to see the ripples from where we are...but they're there. The whole concept really made me think. If I hadn't met this exact person at this exact time, how would my life be different.

Of course, I am a believer in the theory that everything happens for a reason.

I hope things get better Candy. May any ripples you feel...be good ones.

[jennie]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I've been thinking a lot today about what my pdoc said to me the other day, that he felt bad he hadn't been able to help me more.

If HE doesn't think he's accomplished anything, *I* certainly haven't, in comparison.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I'm sure you are mistaken to conclude that your pdoc meant he hasn't accomplished anything positive with you. He said he wanted to help you more.