[jacq10]

How is it that depression can still sneak in to my life, even when I'm surrounded by such a loving family and support system?

Before I moved back up with my aunt, uncle, and little cousins for the summer, I thought that a partial reason for my depression was a lack of connection and that I just needed to feel a sense of love. But now, I'm here... and although there are times where I feel better, there is something that is maintaining the depression.

Do you think its possible that while what I want and need so much is to be part of a loving family, by seeing one already formed (in which I am technically more on the exterior), it makes me long to be part of an immediate one even more so?

But then I feel selfish for feeling all of this, because I am fortunate to be where I am, and there are SOOO many positive things that I could choose to focus on.

I guess I just feel lost and frustrated because I have no idea what I'm looking for... all I know is that I still feel so depressed (for lack of a better word), even though I am in the most stimulating environment for me. I guess part of my hope for "recovery" is being challenged in my mind because before I came up here, I considered where I am now to be a very therapeutic environment.

ugh

Sorry for the rant... and sorry if this didn't make any sense. I just needed to get it out somehow because for me to try and tell this to my family... well it would just make me feel more ungrateful for being here.

[Fuzzybear]

[justfloating]

(((((((((((jacq)))))))))))))

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((jacq)))))))))))))))))))))

Are you really on the exterior or are they trying to share themselves with you. It is sad and scary to feel you are not a part of something. Maybe you can talk to your Aunt or Uncle about it? Know you are a part here too.

BB

[jacq10]

(((((((everyone)))))

Thanks guys... and BB you're right, they are trying to shar themselves with me.. I think the problem lies within my distorted cognitions in regards to where I stand in the family.

Thanks for the support

(((jacq10))))))))) I agree with ((BB))
give yourself some time ....to get use to being with them
take care of you

[Christina86]

I don't come into this forum often enough...

(((((((((((Jacq)))))))))))))))))

At a loss as to how depression can sneak back in when you're surrounded by loving friends and family? I'm always lost about trying to find the most "suitable" answer to that question... all I've come up with is:

It's not YOU.

Depression =/= Jacq

Depression can influence our thoughts and our actions. It can influence our moods. But it can't influence our friends/family. It CAN sneak in anywhere into our lives, at any point because it's all literally "in your head". Chemical imbalance, or exterior reasoning behind the depression... it's bloody hard to control.

And it likes to play mind games. When we're feeling UP and are surrounded by positive people and people who love us - it's a game to see how crappy "it" (depression) can make us feel. It's like an addiction - the addiction screams out the hardest and makes your life the absolutely most miserable... when you're trying to QUIT it. When you're not even thinking about it. When you're trying to get away with it. (That's why they say the first 30 days after you've quit an addiction are absolutely brutal)

Also, some people's depressions are more biological/chemical. You can't control that stuff!

Some peoples, like mine... we have more situational/interpersonal depression. I'm quite literally depressed because "my life sucks"... I'm disabled, and my family is nuts... that's a good reason to be depressed.

Sometimes changing those negative thought tapes in our heads, changing the cognitive distortions are the hardest thing in dealing with the depression. That may be why you're depressed even though you're surrounded by people, and in a good location and otherwise are pretty good.

Do you think its possible that while what I want and need so much is to be part of a loving family, by seeing one already formed (in which I am technically more on the exterior), it makes me long to be part of an immediate one even more so?

Sure. How do you define "exterior" though?

We all want affection, and to be loved and cared about. It's only natural, since really "no man is an island". We're social beings, and if we don't feel valued/loved/respected we're more prone to feeling depressed. Completely natural even if it sucks!

Here if you want to talk.

[thelionkinglives]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

(((Jacq10)))