[bananasarecool]

ive been writing in a diary/book thing... and it had some pretty weird stuff in... like calorie intake, how i feel. what im thinking about... its pretty personal.

so i come home and my mums tidied up my room. and its under my pillow where i left it.
im guessing she read it.
shes said nothing. i dont know what to do. i feel angry and pretty violated and upset and like a complete ****up.

im posting here because i dont really know where else to. i have clinical depression. & im nearly sixteen.
what do i do?

[leacon]

I would directly ask her. No sense in getting angry if you are not sure. Possibly she did not read it. If she did, you would have the right to ask her not to read your personal things. You have a right to privacy.

[nightbird]

(((bananasarecool)))

Maybe what your Mom was doing was just trying to protect you, since you have depression, to get a clue perhaps... because it's hard for parents to understand usually, you know?

If you can forgive this action she took ... I'm thinking you are feeling violated ... and calm down enough feel the love and compassion you have for her as your Mom and as a person, and see this action she did as perhaps an act of love ~ thinking it would help her help you ~ then you could go and talk to her about it.

If she could understand that you are trust-worthy, and trying to help yourself, and that this journalling your daily behavior and emotions and thoughts is new to you, and you feel it should also be private.... I think she will understand and be proud of you, and realize she can support you by allowing you to have your words ... to keep private, since you are helping yourself.

That's what I'm thinking, as a mom, and as one who did a similar thing once, because I wasn't sure what was making my child unhappy... I thought I could help by knowing, not realizing she was learning to express herself and flesh out her emotions to understand better.

Anyway, what was missing was her forgiveness for a long time, it it caused resentment, and it hurt me so much.

I'm sharing this with you in hopes that it helps you decide what is the better thing to do, to help you both get past it, so you can continue, in peace, to journal your stuff, and she can feel better about your positive intentions for your life... and keep this journal as a boundary for her to leave be, because it's a good thing.

Peace and Support,
Night
xoxo

[multipixie9]

as a mom i only searched my kids rooms a couple of times when something they did caused me to be very worried about what was going on with them. i told them the only time i would ever go into their room is if i were worried they were getting into something harmful like drugs or if they began to make really big mistakes. i am sure they were angry with me when i did that but we were able to hang in there with each other and now at ages 21 and 27 they are genuinely friends with me now.

we mom's often worry much more about the people around you than we do about what you might be up to. there are scary people all around us and we just want you kept safe until you can grow up and care fully for yourself.

i am sorry she hurt your feelings and violated your privacy. i think the other suggestions about talking with her are good ideas. you could even maybe do it in writing and let her know how you felt about her actions - if a conversation may become too confrontational.

if for some reason you mom is not someone you can negotiate with, i'd suggest getting a metal cash box with a padlock and keep your journal inside of it. don't quit journalling, it is such a good way to deal with stress and work out your thoughts. with some time and effort i hope you can work through this with your mom. your time with her is limited and as much as you wish she would trust you and not monitor you, you still do need a mom's love and care for a while longer.

another mother

[Slick399]

Your room is your private sanctuary. Do you really think your mom would read your personal papers? Why is she tidying up your room, you are old enough to do that. Please ask her not to go into your room in the future so you can have some semblance of privacy. Speak up!!!

Sending lots of hugs-

Slick

[bananasarecool]

thanks guys...
yeah i know she shouldnt be doing my room - it wasnt really that much of a tip and i was out all day.
she's being a LOT more concious of what im eating and how i percive myself and its like.... i dont know. i just feel like its a complete invasion of privacy. i want to get a lock on the OUTSIDE of my door too so that i can just keep people out... urgh. i know she meant well but its just... annoying. if she deliberately did it to look through my room then its like... she has no trust in me whatsoever. i just still feel pretty sick to my stomach.

[littleyellowspider]

You don't know that she necessarily read it. But if she did I agree with everyone else when they say it's important to remember that she was probably concerned about you and wanted to know what was wrong. You may find now would be a good time to talk to your mother about how you are feeling. She might be able to help more than you think.

[turquoisesea]

I dunno if she read it or not... I agree that asking if she did or not would be a good thing.

But I also think that moving on from the event and making it so it can't happen again is a good idea. I've always shied away from paper journals because anyone can read them - so maybe getting a journal with a lock on it, or putting in a box like the pixies said, would be a good idea. Also, there are some places online that you can keep a private journal. these places might be a good option for you because there is no physical existence and to get onto it you need a login and password. So this way is very secure as long as you pick a place that is private

Hoping all goes well let us know what happens