do you still want to get better?

I don't even know if I'm posting this in the right place... but can't think of a better one.
Does anyone else feel like everything is pointless? I do, I think that whatever I do and no matter how hard I try will never produce any result. I'm tired of trying and trying and thinking of ways to make my life just a little less crappy and my pain just a little less unbearable. It's just not worth it, it's not worth the effort I put into it. So it often comes to the point where I just say to myself that it doesn't matter, that I can live like this forever and that there's no need to improve anything. Even if I could get better I don't want to, right now. It's too difficult. I don't want to fight any more. I think I'll just wait and keep crying my eyes out without anyone noticing. Who cares, anyway? It's not like it makes any difference to anyone if I'm suffering or how much I'm suffering.

I think it seems like you have hit a rough spot. Even though it is hard, when things do turn around you realize quickly how much of a point it is to live that way. Hang in there and reach out things always change.

Hello *freak*
If you strive to improve, it will be tough. If you don't strive, however it may seem not, it will be tough anyway. But There is a chance that striving may lead to an outcome, such as a little bit less of pain.

I hope this is not bothering because i know this type of speech sounds dumb and void when one is really depressed.

And many people care if you suffer, me in particular. Even if I don't know you well you look like a nice person. We should be chatting one of these nights

Psjeff, it's true that things always change, but never for the better. At least not for me. I'd really like to hope that one day I won't have to suffer like this all the time, but I can't.

Stefano, you always tell me that and I agree with you. But I just don't have enough determination to do anything. It's like being wrapped in a veil of hopelessness and despair that drains every single drop of energy out of me. I just want to lay down, submit to the pain and wait for a solution that won't arrive.
I know you care, it's just very hard to keep that in mind when I'm so lonely and nobody's here to wipe my tears.
And thanks for the joke, it made me laugh

It makes a difference to me that you're suffering, and I really wish I had the words to make it all better. But I've learned from experience that the only one your suffering is important to is YOU -- you have to do this for yourself, because you don't deserve any of this stuff happening to you, and because your only other option is to lay down and let the depression have you, which is a little like letting a rabid dog bite you than climbing over a fence to get away. Maybe the fence is high and maybe there's barbed wire at the top and maybe you'll fall and hurt yourself on the other side, but once you're safe it'll be worth it because you got away.

They didn't create a"tears wiping" USB peripheral

Justfloating, I've been running from that damn dog my whole life and I'm so tired that I don't care any more. And I don't even want to climb over the fence, because I already know that on the other side I'll find another dog, that's probably even more dangerous than the previous one. So if the bastard wants me dead and I can't do anything about it, so be it. I'll let him tear me to pieces for eternity. At least one of us will be having a little fun.
Thanks for your kind words and for the hugs, they made me feel much better

Stefano, isn't that a shame? We should do something about it... (joking, but not really)

Yes. Would you like to share my Kleenex? Muffy (a lamb friend of mine) and I have enough Kleenex between us to supply all of pc. We hand them out free to all in need.


I think you have come to the right place. People here are real and caring. You will soon find others who are suffering just as yourself.

I have felt so hopeless at times that I just could not believe there was anything else. There was no forward, no back, just nothing. It is a deep darkness and it hurts!

The drive to continue, the desire to improve do they ever come? As a frog of little brain, I don't know. If I get out of bed in the morning and only use one box of Kleenex all day, it's a good day for me. I guess it just depends on what you consider a good day.



((((( *freak* )))))

Hey Froggy
Yes please, I could really use a Kleenex... Thank you for your words (for a frog of little brain you seem very wise to me). I wish that deep darkness wasn't so familiar, but unfortunately I know it all too well.
As for the definition of a good day, I see our standards are very alike
Thanks for the hugs, they're always much appreciated

I completely understand how you feel.
I feel the same exact way about myself and life- I feel like I'm pointless being alive, that my life is pointless and that things will never get any better for me. I have way to many problems that aren't fixable. I'm tired of struggling day after day and being miserable which is what life brings.

Exactly. And the funny thing is that every once in a while, when I really can't take it any more, I try to react and I do my best to get myself out of this vortex of self-destruction. And I fail. Every time. So I basically make things worse, because then I have yet another reason to hate myself a little bit more. It's a vicious circle that I can't break...
Thank you for the hugs, Autumn 01, and I wish you the best of luck

Freak,
You're welcome.
I agree it is a vicious neverending cycle