[Naturefreak]

Lets face it . Nobody wants to be around someone who is
depressed. I don't even want to be around me. Is it my fault
that I am depressed? Am I depressed because I can't be
accepted by the so called NORMAL people for lack of
understanding or stigma or whatever you want to call it.
Do I just accept the fact that I had a fairly good life and
go on being who I am. Someone with unwanted feelings
of anger and hostility against the people of this world.
Deep down I want to be a good person and I don't really
understand how to be good. How to do the RIGHT things.
Is there HOPE? Or am I just in my own little world
suffering from pain , guilt and things that I now regret
about my past. Don't try to cheer me up . I would like
to know the TRUTH.

[justfloating]

((((((((babysteps)))))))))

It is not your fault that you're depressed! Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain as well as external factors like grief, job loss, abuse, or a whole slew of other things that you have little to no control over. It's not contagious, but it can be triggered (that's why we put trigger warnings on some of our posts, to make sure that no one's depression is set off/worsened by what they read). Some people are more susceptible to depression than others, but no one can be blamed for being depressed.

The good news is that you do not have to stay depressed. There are all kinds of ways to treat your depression, from medication to exercise to therapy, even learning to recognize your negative thinking patterns and training yourself to change those thoughts. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but you CAN get past this -- and I'm not telling you these things to make you feel better, I'm telling you because it's the truth. I know. I'm doing much better than I used to thanks to a combination of treatments. There is hope. Don't give up.

[lynn P.]

Hi Babysteps09,
depression is such a complicated illness isn't it. I know if you're depressed you need to be around positive people - that helps. Depression can be hereditary so regardless of how well someones life is they still feel sad. Usually this kind of depression is a chemical imbalance and responds well to meds and therapy. Then there's circumstantial depression like if a person's down because of a death or loss of job or divorce etc. This depression lifts when the situation improves.
As Justfloating mentioned there a many roads which lead to the healing process. I recently saw a doctor on Good Morning America and he said that if you just act happy, even if you don't feel like it your brain will start to change. He proved it by showing brain scans. But this wouldn't work for serious cases like manic or genetic related depression.
I found this all very interesting and compare it to when you laugh really hard at something funny. If you take notice of how you feel after laughing, this supports his theory because laughing releases positive hormones like endorphins and makes you feel happy at that moment. I guess this also supports that concept of laughter therapy where a whole room of people are laughing their heads off. Maybe try renting some funny movies or watch funny shows.
Of course theres the dependable take care of yourself with healthy eating, exercise(this really helps) and peaceful rest. Journalling is also good and writing down daily gratifications even if it's simple like a good meal etc.
Also it's great if you can volunteer for something you feel passionate about, because it takes you temporarily out of focusing on yourself and shifts you into empathy for others. How to be a good person? Well one good way is the standard treat others as you wish to be treated. I hope you feel better soon.

[Naturefreak]

I don't know how to laugh anymore. Its been about 8 years since I had a good laugh.
It's hard to post threads here because nobody really knows what the person posting
is dealing with. I am on meds, I've been to therapy , there's so much that I would
like to say but cannot because of the so called TRIGGERS , not sure what that
meant at first when I joined but I am beginning to understand it now. I go around
pretending to be happy . It just seems that I'm the one that has to put out first.
Thank you for your suggestions. I appreciate it. I do eat healthy and do sleep well.
But I do not volunteer. Take Care

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Babysteps09

Am I depressed because I can't be accepted by the so called NORMAL people for lack of understanding or stigma or whatever you want to call it.

Sometimes I wonder whether being “several degrees off normal” may have caused “normal” people to relate to me in ways that, over time, eroded my psyche to the point where depression could take root and dominate my life. I don't know; maybe there's something to that. Am I guilty because I failed to be fully “normal” in the first place?

I may eventually answer that question, or I may never, or I may pretend to myself I've answered it. Nevertheless, in all those cases the pain remains.

Whether or not there's hope – another question I can't answer, your desires to pursue good and do right certainly won't destroy hope if there be any, and the good and right you realize despite the pain may bring comfort to others, perhaps even to yourself.

[Junerain]

If you had a fairly good life, you are blessed beyond belief....I would kill to be able to say that...

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Sometimes I wonder whether being “several degrees off normal” may have caused “normal” people to relate to me in ways that, over time, eroded my psyche to the point where depression could take root and dominate my life. I don't know; maybe there's something to that. Am I guilty because I failed to be fully “normal” in the first place?

I may eventually answer that question, or I may never, or I may pretend to myself I've answered it. Nevertheless, in all those cases the pain remains.

Whether or not there's hope – another question I can't answer, your desires to pursue good and do right certainly won't destroy hope if there be any, and the good and right you realize despite the pain may bring comfort to others, perhaps even to yourself.

Thank you very much Rohag , I appreciate your input.
I'll settle for anything positive right now. Take Care

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by Junerain

If you had a fairly good life, you are blessed beyond belief....I would kill to be able to say that...

Lol , thanks alot . See there's always someone worse off .
I hope the rest of your life is filled with peace and happiness.
Take Care

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by Babysteps09

Lets face it . Nobody wants to be around someone who is
depressed. I don't even want to be around me. Is it my fault
that I am depressed? Am I depressed because I can't be
accepted by the so called NORMAL people for lack of
understanding or stigma or whatever you want to call it.
Do I just accept the fact that I had a fairly good life and
go on being who I am. Someone with unwanted feelings
of anger and hostility against the people of this world.
Deep down I want to be a good person and I don't really
understand how to be good. How to do the RIGHT things.
Is there HOPE? Or am I just in my own little world
suffering from pain , guilt and things that I now regret
about my past. Don't try to cheer me up . I would like
to know the TRUTH.

(((Babysteps09))) I agree with you that no one wants to be around someone with depression. I myself have run almost everyone close to me off. Not because of anger or hostility but because I never smile, laugh, have fun, show any emotions, say the wrong things (how I feel), memory lose (like peoples names, where I am going or where I have been), I just exist. I am like a bump on a log, I am just there. Worst of all, when I am alone, I am that bump on the log, why am I there, what purpose do I have, who cares that I am there, who cares how I feel?
Truth is I have no answers only more questions and understanding. I do truly understand you and others with the same feelings of depression, and depression sucks.

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by depressedalaskan

(((Babysteps09))) I agree with you that no one wants to be around someone with depression. I myself have run almost everyone close to me off. Not because of anger or hostility but because I never smile, laugh, have fun, show any emotions, say the wrong things (how I feel), memory lose (like peoples names, where I am going or where I have been), I just exist. I am like a bump on a log, I am just there. Worst of all, when I am alone, I am that bump on the log, why am I there, what purpose do I have, who cares that I am there, who cares how I feel?
Truth is I have no answers only more questions and understanding. I do truly understand you and others with the same feelings of depression, and depression sucks.

Thanks for understanding,
What I meant about anger and hostility is not something I act on
they are just thoughts that I wish would go away. I suppress my
anger and hold everything in. Which is not a good thing . I guess
I say things that are not REALLY me , like for example "I don't really
understand how to be good" I do understand and feel like I am a
good person but my thoughts sometimes tell me I'm not.
I never smile either , but it's because I'm insecure about my teeth
which I never took care of because of my fear of dentists.
I do pretend that I'm happy by telling jokes to people at the
grocery store checkout . But that's very limited because I don't
go out much, only for necessities like groceries , medications,
and appointments. And walking my dog which I have been doing
everyday for 6 years , rain or snow , sore feet or not . Because
I feel bad when I can't take him because he loves it so much.
I have trouble with names too , but I feel sometimes like things
are not real , like I'm living in a dream. My father has depression,
and he is the only one in my life right now. So I have nobody
really who has a positive outlook on life. I'm scared to start
something new , like volunteering at the SPCA or something
because I'm afraid of failure. And that would make me even
more depressed. And I do feel like I'm just existing like you
mentioned. I wish there was some kind of magical answer
for this but there isn't. It's a feeling like you're TRAPPED,
with no escape until its your time to go.