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#1
Jun 15, 2009, 12:27 PM
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hi all.. so this is my first thread here and i dont know wether to write it or not. i feel like im whining for nothing. but still have to get it of my chest.
so here it goes. this weekend my cousin is getting married. of course that is a big and beautiful and special event!! it should be fun for me to go, but instead im so so scared for it... there will be many people and family i havent seen in a VERY long time. i dont want to be seen, i dont want to be judged. because i know what they will think (and maybe even say to eachother).. how i've changed, what happened to me, ...they will be disappointed. but of course i must have my mask on. its such an happy event and i absolutely dont want to ruin it with my depressed face. so i will put all my energy into that. laugh and talk. it will be so exhausting. in the meanwhile i will be feeling so bad, so ugly, so disappointed in myself, so not worth being on this planet, crying inside, tearing myself apart... i probably will look paranoid, lol, moving my face in awkward smiles - struggling between putting the mask on and off. i am so ashamed of myself and my life, ......... i really dont want to see all these people..... but there is no escape... there are so many things on my mind, but i think i wrote down the main things... i dont want to write 10pages full of my nonsense. thank you for reading... i really appreciate it.. 
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#2
Jun 15, 2009, 12:37 PM
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(((((greeni11)))))
 You're not alone. I know how you feel! btw I'm not going to celebrate my birthday this year for exact same reason 
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Where, where I go - My spirit is free, I'm coming home Where, where I go - Remember me but let me go /Lacuna Coil |
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#3
Jun 16, 2009, 07:36 AM
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It sounds like you have a big struggle inside of you with how you have to be at the wedding versus how you really feel inside. It is so difficult wearing masks. Just know that people aren't talking about you. I know it feels like it and in reality people are all concerned with what others will be thinking or saying about them.
Big Hugs for this weekend. love and hugs, Tara
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#4
Jun 16, 2009, 02:26 PM
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low on words but sending hugs
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 Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
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#5
Jun 16, 2009, 07:15 PM
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It's funny, in a bad way ,to see how we are so much alike.
I've been wearing my mask for 8 years now . Thank you so much. Have a Great Day . Isn't the weather just beautiful. Its horrible to have to pretend to be happy just to please others. Don't take this the wrong way. I hope I pleased you. Good Luck & Be Strong Phoney ,  but strong
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#6
Jun 17, 2009, 03:45 AM
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thank you all for the hugs and warmth....
 im leaving tomorrow, because its quite far away, so this is my last day before ''the storm''... tara; yes it is a huge struggle.. but its the only solution because i dont want them to see the real me. its better to torture myself than to torture others. and yes, worrying about what others are thinking/saying is sooo difficult not to do... im busy with it all the time...  babysteps; thank you for your message, its good to know ''others with a mask''. your message made me smile. yes its terrible to do, but its the only thing to do.... right? once again thank you, i will think of being strong, and i hope i will manage. hugs to all of you
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#7
Jun 17, 2009, 04:41 AM
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((greeni11)) good luck
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Depression is not a weakness ...... it is a sign that you have been strong for too long. 
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