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i've just lost my last friend... my best friend since i was eight.
she did nothing but criticize me... she made me feel like utter crap and she was very dependent on me.
i just had enough... she doesnt know im depressed... but i doubt it would make any difference. its always about her. which i have no problem with, in moderation, but when someone doesnt give a crap about you and takes so much from you...
its hard to take.
now, im probably going to lose my boyfriend. depressed ***** with no social life isnt really every guys dream.

i have no friends. literally.
i just have my family...
my family that im tearing apart.
once i lose him
there really is no reason to go on
because im only holding EVERYONE back
and once its over, its over...

it would be so easy..
a few moments of feeling sick and dizzy... and then id lull into unconciousness... and i wouldnt ever wake up.
it could all be over.

im very sorry if im breaking the rules by posting this
i just feel so angry
so upset
so tired
so sick.

i need to go on a walk...
i need to just get away from this.
and i cant.
oh god im stuck
so stuck
i want to just have it all stop
why cant i?
its so hard
oh god its hard...

doesn't sound to me like a true friend to be honest...
Did your bf give you any reasons to think he might want to leave you? You are suffering, but this doesn't mean he is going to leave you.
I'm sure you are a good person and you're not holding anyone back.
hang in there

You deserve friends who DONT criticize you.... doesnt sound like a friend to me either

oh god im full of adrenalin...
so angry, so upset and so tired
and i cant fight anymore
i cant do it
im not strong enough
im so tired
im so tired of feeling like this every day
im so tired of persuading myself to keep going
im so tired of the charade of everything being ok
i cant do this
i cant keep going
im not strong enough
im WEAK
i cant keep going
i just cant do it
im losing the battle
a battle which was already lost...
i was defeated so long ago

(((((bananasarecool)))) Hello and welcome to my world. I see and have been through what you are going through. Friends are funny, OK people are funny. We all have our needs and some people just need and expect more than others, like your friend. You have had this friend a long time. I myself would try and talk to them about your depression and your feelings. If she/he is a good friend you should be able to work this out. This is only my opinion I am not a counselor. Also remember that depression can make you feel that things are worse off than they really are. Hang in there you have friends and people who understand you here.

(((((((((((bananasarecool))))))))))))

Can I ask who you HAVE told about your depression? It's totally up to you who you tell, of course -- very few of my friends know about my depression, and only one of them knows the true extent of it -- but keeping it a secret from absolutely EVERYONE is only going to make you feel worse. It's going to convince you that it's something to be ashamed of, and it's not. You are NOT weak, you are SICK and there's a BIG difference. I know it seems silly and scary and just not something you see as working for you right now, but being open with my depression with the most important people in my life did WONDERS. Having to hide it from the people closest to you only puts more pressure on you to pretend everything is fine when you're not, which will then make you feel even worse.

Sending lots of hugs and good vibes. You're a good person and I'm sorry you're in so much pain.