[Having2LeftFeet]

OK...Been a while I have posted but this is the perfect time for me to address this situation. I have this overwhelming need to "carry" other peoples burdens on my shouldres. I know the good Lord gave me wide shoulders, however, the burden is starting to overflow. This is when I get hurt and I have to stop doing this. My husband drinks...a lot. He abuses alcohol and has the undying need to map out his "life and the length of it" by tempting fate. The other night he was so drunk that he missed the bed and fell on his arse knocking down an end table and this is not the first time. He did the same thing last year and put a hole in the drywall. He has passed out, stopped breathing in the middle of the night, he has fell down the spiral staircase in our home. He passed out and put a HUGE hole in the drywall in the 2nd floor entrance. I could go on and on. Think of the worst and he has done it. I have pictures of him passed out at the computer on the keyboard and the thing beeps constantly. I shut it off. When I look at him that way, he's pathetic looking but he is a good man and takes care of me. The drinking comes after he gets home from work until he is too drunk to stay awake. The weekends are the worst. I have gotten to the stage where if he falls, he has to pick himself up. If he makes a mess, he cleans up. He was too dependent on me. I am finally tightening the reines. He had a rotten childhood and lived with parents that drank and his dad beat his mom and she forbade the 4 boys not to interfere. She was protecting them. My "DH" moved out when he hit 18 and moved in with his first wife of about 2 years. Thank God he stopped drinking and driving. He flipped his truck 2 yrs ago not more than 50 yds from our house. Black ice and hills and curves. He came out with only minor bruises and I know God protected him. From that point on, he promised to stop and he has. He brings a bottle home unopened. He kisses me when he come in and I would smell it on his breathe if he was drinking. I guess I am beside myself and feel like I should turn my head and ignore the fact that he is killing himself. His mother is laying in the hospital and on her 7th week. She drank so much that she got a liver infection very severe. She has been on IV anti-biotics and drains to get the infection out. All because of drinking. Tell me if I am wrong. I resent the fact that she was told 2 years ago if you drink anymore, she will die. She listened for 2 yrs after the same thing on Chirstmas day. Needless to say we had no Christmas dinner because it was supposed to be at her house 3 hrs from us. We had Chinese buffet and it was totaly disgusting. (YUK) This time it was Easter dinner. I feel bad for her. She lives alone but just up the street from her sister and B-I-L and neices and nephews and has friends. Why she did this, I'll never know. My point is that my "DH" should look at his mom and say NO WAY I am going to die like that. I told him if he gets that ill, I will not stand by and watch him die. My mental state is already messed up and I don't need anymore crap. My daughters had a falling out and I intervened and now one is mad and will not talk to me which makes me upset. I told her when she's ready to talk, I'm ready to listen. My other daughter was the one that initiated this mess and she has called me and we have patched things up. One thing for sure, my husband always says, "Mind ya business. It's not your business and keep out of it". For once, he was right. It's been like this all my life so, how should I react. I am watching my husband die and it makes me feel like I am not important enough for him to want to life. I am VERY depressed. Thanks for listening, guys!

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Having2LeftFeet