Sorry for wasting everyone's time

I'm hopeless.

If one more person in my life tells me to stop being "emo" and to "snap out of it and just be happy" or tells me that I'm "too hard on myself" and that I keep going over the same stuff over and over again that is wrong in my head ... or tells me I'm being depressed for attention...

I'll snap.

I just one day where I don't feel like I'm going insane (stress, whee being a uni student!!). One day where I don't want to cry for absolutely no good reason. One day where I can be happy just for the sake of being happy, without having to lie and pretend to be happy to make everyone else happy.

I want one day to be really me. One day where the bad negative horrible thoughts don't drag me down into that big dark never-ending pit. One day where I don't beat myself up for ... well, anything.

I wish I could go to bed and wake up and be magically better. But life has pretty much guaranteed that won't ever happen to me.

Sorry for talking so much. I'll stop posting and being annoying and self-centred now.

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canders7 said:
Sorry for talking so much. I'll stop posting and being annoying and self-centred now.

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Naaa. It's OK, I know where you are coming from here. Pity you are there and I am half a world away in Australia. Otherwise we could meet up, and can be depressed together.

(((((((((((((((Christina)))))))))))))))

I understand what you are saying ... i really do. And i know whats its like to just want to be "normal" and live a "normal" life where people understand you and don't bother you by saying such ignorant things ... but unfortunately most people who say things like that truly don't understand why we're feeling the way we do. i know that doesn't help you much, but sometimes just keeping that in mind and trying to not think about what they said can help ... then agian, im not much of a pro at that either

but please know your not, and will NEVER be a waste of my (or anyone else's) time. You know how to reach me and i will always be either here, or on the other end of the phone for you.

Take some time and read a book, or watch a movie ... something that will distract you and that you enjoy. I know its hard, but trying to keep your mind of things (in moderation) can help sometimes.

hugs
Jacq

Thanks ((((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))) for the umbrella.

haha Ripperjack, you actually got a smile out of me!

Thanks (((((((((((Ripperjack))))))))))))

((((((((Jacq))))))))) you're too good to me

Thanks ... just need to get through school et al, right?

(((((((((( Candy )))))))))))

Are you seeing a pdoc so you can get some meds to help you? Are you still seeing the counselor.

Changes come slowly, but they do arrive. Believe me.

I care!

Hugs,

Jan

Hi ((((((((((Jan))))))))))))

No pdoc, but am still seeing one counsellor. He's ... interesting. I give up trying to trust him, he's gone in just over two months anyways.

I wish changes would be a little bit more apparent, I really do Jan.

Thanks for caring!

((Canders))

We have to be self-centered to make changes; being self-centered is ok. We want our 'self' to be better.

The next person who tells you to snap out of it, get over it... please ask them to share the instruction manual or magic wand...

Depression speaks for itself and sometimes won't let us get a word or thought in edgewise. Hang in there

((((((((Christina)))))))) That is one of my biggest pet peeves with depression -- people who expect you to "get over it" or "snap out of it" to make *themselves* feel better, because I think it stresses out people who care about you and don't understand. At least that has been my experience.

Lean on us here -- we're here, we care, and we get it.

I hope things improve for you soon.



Candy

((((((((((((((canders))))))))))))))))

Canders you're not wasting anyones time here. I think we all come here for support and to give support - and that is not a waste of time!
Please don't stop posting. It sounds like you need the support.
I hope there's light ahead of you. Even if only looks the size of an atom it might be the beginning of a world of light Try to keep your hopes up and ignore what those people are telling you. Obviously they have no clue what you are going through.
Please know that you can always come here for support and that you are not a waste of time.

Christina,

i know how hard it is for you right now, and yesterday you told me that you are thinking of giving PC a break...i, and everyone else here, do NOT want this to happen, you are too valued here, and you are not a waste of anyones time, why would you be?

depression is the hardest thing most people have to go through in their lives, it really is. if you can conquer depression at such a young age, then most things are achievable. look at people here at PC, they have had such trauma and tragedy, yet they shine through and light up other peoples lives. you light up our worlds, well, mine for definate, but you need to divert this light back to yourself and focus on healing yourself.

i did say to you yesterday that we have to want to change in order for it to begin, whether you interpreted that as me saying "snap out of it" etc, that wasnt what i meant, i meant we have to accept that change NEEDS to happen and that we are willing to allow it, otherwise our lives will remain as they are. its a hard barrier to cross, trust me, i know! but once you are over that initial barrier the path to happiness does shorten and becomes less bumpy.

i know that you have been unhappy all your life, so for 23 years you have felt that you arent allowed emotions, or to show them, or to talk about them, to ask for help, all of that. i know that all this is so far from true. you ARE allowed emotions, we all have them so why cant we express them? you have just as much right to express them as me and everyone else here on this world. if you do this, if you talk about whats upsetting you, and if you work on this depression, it will subside, i cannot stress it enough.

you have depression. i had depression, people here have/did have depression, and we all know that it doesnt go overnight. we all know the hard works it takes, and there are so many people here at PC in particular that are living proof that depression can be conquered.

we cant control how life treats us, we cant control the events that occur in our lives - not always anyway - but we can control how we deal with them. you need to embrace these feelings, to stop being scared of facing and let us help you defeat it. we are here for this reason, and we all want to help...just look at the response you have on this thread. use this chance whilst you have it. No, we cannot make the depression go away for you, but with your help we can ease it and then the work that needs to be done by you will be so much easier.

i cant stress enough the point that your days will brighten one day, but you need to work on them. you have been doing work up until now, and i know you are doing brilliantly, just keep it up and use the resources you have to help you. i know for sure that you can do this. if i can, anyone can.

let me know if you need me ok, and stop thinking you are a waste of time. i am grateful and honoured to have you in my life, i wouldnt have it any other way. and i bet so many people here agree too.

simon

I'm not as good with words as the people who have already replied to you but I just wanted to say I think I know how you feel...everyone I know teases me for being a depressed emo kid (despite the fact I'm 22!) and no matter how many times I tell them I don't find it funny, that I've had problems with depression, anxiety etc since before emo was even a "thing" they just laugh at me and tell me to go and cut myself...very helpful as you can imagine

Thats why I like it here, people listen and take me seriously. I'm sorry you're thinking of leaving, you have always seemed like an important person here to me

(((((Canders7)))))))

((((((((ECHOES))))))))))

(sorry for the late reply, I did actually take a break from posting for ... what, 3 days?)

Thank you for your understanding, it is apppreciated.

Thanks (((((((((Candy)))))))))

I'm trying to not be upset with people in my life who don't understand, but it's so hard sometimes.

Thanks for the hug ((((((((((cajun))))))))))))

Thanks (((((((((Is_this_the_right_place))))))))))

Thank you for giving me a little bit of light, in times of darkness, even a nice post from someone can make everything seem a bit lighter - and you did.

Dear sweet wonderful friend (((((((((Simon)))))))))))

I can assure you that what I said in my original post had nothing to do with what you have said to me or not, it's entirely what has been my experience in my life away from PC.

I did take a mini 3 day break but I guess I don't have the willpower to stay away otherwise. Hope that nobody minds having me back ... I could understand it if people still found me annoying.

Thank you for your insight and wisdom as always.

Thank you ((((((((((polkadotpixie))))))))))

I think you spoke fine - and it really touched me, so thank you for that. My (at least one) friend does the same thing to me as well... if only they knew.

Thanks for saying that I seem important here, but everyone is - I just stick out like a sore thumb at times. hehe. Thank you

(((((((((Jax))))))))))))

I love that dog of yours.

((((((((((((((Pat))))))))))))

You're a wonderful person and friend, thank you.