I can't look forward to my future. I'm scared.

I feel like I have nothing, if anything, to look forward to. I was going to go back, away, to college again this Fall & work towards another degree & change careers. Instead, I will be staying in town, taking 2 online classes, hopefully working part time (I work full time now, but am quitting my job Aug. 7 as planned), & hopefully volunteering an hour a week; I'm still in therapy for my eating disorder, OCD, low self esteem, & some anxiety. That's why I'm not going away until next Spring. My goal is to become a research psychologist, which I really want to do; I'm very scared, though. I keep thinking all these "what ifs." What if I totally mess up on the GRE (Graduate Records Exam)? What if I don't get into grad school at all? What if I totally mess up in my 2 Stats classes? What if grad school is extremely, extremely hard? Then what will I do?

When I do go away to school, I have to take Careers in Psych. Maybe that will help me, I hope. If, for some reason, going into the mental health field isn't right for me, I'd try again to work for Southwest Airlines; however, I really do want to work in mental health & research. Well, another option would be to become a regular psychologist. Right now, that's the only other thing I can think of. All of a sudden, I'm angry at my parents for even having me. I wish they hadn't. I feel like my life is meaningless, hopeless, & worthless.

If you can, don't worry too much about the what-if's. Whatever happens, happens. If you do your best to reach your goals, that's all you can do. Concentrate on the goals & why you want to reach them - they alone, are an illustration of why you & your life has meaning, hope & worth. Even if you don't manage to meet all your goals, or they end up changing, the journey you take to get there enriches you, whether you hit the targets you set on the way, or not.

Hello. I'm pretty much in the same boat as you. I'm a smart kid and I have a vague idea of what I'd like to do but I don't know if my plan will work. You can't look at the what if's though. Everything that happens to you is the best thing possible for you. That isn't to say that everything is good, but ultimately, things will work out for you in the end. If you suffer a setback, you have to look for the good in it. Your failures will work to your benefit in the end but at the time they might not look like benefits. I would recommend to you just working as hard as possible. Don't stress yourself out because it's just not worth it. I'm actually reading a book right now that covers your fears that you addressed. It's called "Get Off Your 'Buts' " by Sean Stevenson. Good luck to you. All is well.

((((((((((((((((( SWA LUV ))))))))))))))))))

(((((SWA LUV)))))

Sending you a gentle hug if that is okay. I know that trying to decide your future is scary and not knowing for sure what to do, but I believe you can do whatever you set your mind to. Do not worry about all the what ifs----but do your best and everything else will fall into to place. If it is to happen it will. Keep your head up and know we are here for you. We do care. Keep us posted.

dps

Thank you, everyone! I may hopefully go away to school this Fall after all, but am not sure. I called my apartment to see if they still have any vacancies, & they do. I told the person I talked to I need to get in touch with the school, too, & I'd call the apartments back to let them know. I plan to call the school tomorrow. If I'm still enrolled, I will go; if not, I will wait. It's funny, because when I sent the letter to them, I asked if they could please tell me what step to take next. I never did hear anything. I don't want to get my hopes up, but if I do stay here until January, I have two online classes I'm enrolled in.

I need to decide if I want to get a second BA or take the prereq. Psych. classes I need for my MA in Exper. Psych. The biggest plus to the second option is it would save me time & money. I also need to start preparing as soon as possible for the dreaded GRE (Graduate Records Exam). Once I know for sure about my plans for the Fall, I'll try to post.

ACanthony84, I've heard of the book, "Get Off Your Buts" & I've seen it at Barnes & Noble, I believe. I must look at it!

Thanks again, everyone!

SWA- I'm a pretty slow reader. It generally takes me about an hour to read 25 pages. However, I read "Get Off Your Buts" in about 3 hours, so it was definitely an interesting read. It's pretty short, only 220 or so pages. But it's so wonderfully and beautifully written. You will feel so much better after you read it. Also if you go to youtube and type in Sean Stephenson, you can listen to some of his motivational speeches. That guy is so awesome.

Thanks, ACanthony84! I'll have to check out Barnes & Noble's website for the book.

First of all, let me say, WOW! Those are some lofty goals! My counsellor once told me that one of the hallmarks of depression is an inability to see the future clearly. You can't imagine yourself feeling well, or doing well, and any ideas you do have about your future seem impossible because they're so far away. So the fact that you're making these plans despite the problems you have is very impressive, and you should be proud of that!

I know how terrifying it can be being a student and having to figure out your future -- I'm in the same boat myself right now, and I'm taking a huge risk by deciding to do my Master's in Creative Writing when I'm done with my bachelor's in French Lit. I'm SCARED, and for a million reasons -- I doubt my ability to write, I've fallen behind because of my depression so I need to pull my grades up, I will probably have to go to school outside of my own country (again) and I'm worried about that, I'm worried I won't get in anywhere, I'm worried I'll make no money, I'm worried I won't be able to afford grad school ... But if you don't take the risk, you're just going to stagnate, right? What I've found works for me is that whenever those worries threaten to overwhelm me, I take a deep breath and imagine myself ten or twenty years in the future, exactly where I want to be. Happy, healthy, doing what I want and having overcome the odds. I've built up such a beautiful idea of where I want to be that it gives me the courage to face my fears and keep going even when I'm convinced I'll never get where I want to go.

Good luck with everything, and keep us posted on how you're doing!

I want to say "Wow!," too, to you! I wish you well in whatever you chose to do. I know you'll do great. Do what you feel is right for you. Please take care & keep us posted. I hope to keep you & the others updated, also.