dwelling on negative thoughts

I'm new here, but not new to depression. Lately, my meds have been taking care of things. It seems that situations can upset me and toss me into a depressed mood, nowhere near as bad as before, but still no fun.

I have a problem with dwelling on negative things that have been said by others that affect me directly - not necessarily criticism, but things that come up in conversation. They may not all turn out to be negative, but my perception of them is. As a result, I worry a lot.

Certain situations can affect me like this as well. I am having problems at work, and am looking for another job. Any time the smallest thing happens at work, I (privately) blow it out or proportion and get all bent out of shape, worrying that it is something directed toward me (when it may not be).

I need to learn how to NOT dwell on such things - and to worry less. It really makes life difficult, very sad, and hard to function well at times.

You would think that weekends would help by being able to relax, but relaxation never happens. No matter how many things I try to do to soothe my mind, it will all come back to my mind and I'm sad and worried all over again.

Any ideas or suggestions as to how I can work through this negative stuff? Its just really wearing me out - and bringing me to tears at times.

Hello friend. About a year ago I was in the same boat as you (not to say I've completely recovered but I'm getting better). I was highly sensitive and I used to take everything so personally. I have a few ideas for you:
1. Read. There's a lot of good books about thinking more positive. You really do have to watch what you say to your self (your inner voice, if you will). Books I recommend: "Get off your buts" by Sean Stevenson. Also, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff"
2. As far as the worrying, I would look into meditation...now you don't have to connect with the Buddha or anything outlandish. Just take 5 minutes (you can increase this as you get better at it) in the morning, maybe once or twice throughout the day, and at night. All you have to do is close your eyes and really take deep breaths and focus in on your breaths. Focus on your breathing. Get rid of the incessant thoughts that go on in your brain. You can't change the past and the future is not here yet, so all you have is the present. Your breathing draws you back to the present and you can be more mindful. A good book on this matter is "Wherever you go there you are." by Jon Kabat Zinn.
My final suggestion to you is just get rid of your ego (this is real hard). Men are mere mortals. If someone says something badly about you, it's more about their fears and anger and emotions and not about you. Don't take things so personally. This is hard though and getting better and improving upon it is a day to day thing. I really do recommend reading books on the matter though. There's a lotta good stuff out there.

Thank you. I am going to the bookstore this morning to look for these books.

I do agree that some of the things I am worrying about were said by someone when they were a bit emotional. I do not believe they meant them, but then my worrying kicks in. It can be so painful and tiring when you add it to already having depression.

I have always worried a lot about all kinds of things, so I need to find out how to at least lessen the worrying. It makes it hard to concentrate on the things at hand, such as work and other important issues.

Here's a good way to look at it: Pretend you are driving and someone honks the horn at you and flips you off. Do you really think they are that mad at you, or is it more they are mad at themselves and they are simply taking out their aggression on you? If someone does something like flip you off or something like that, say to yourself "wow, it must really suck to have that much built up anger where you have to act like that." Whenever someone says something negative or if you perceive it to be negative, it's always about THEM not about YOU. I would not take it personally.

If you spend some time in meditation (and focus on the breathing, once again you don't have to connect with your inner spirit, just focus on breathing and be mindful of the present), you will better prepare yourself for times when you usually tend to get emotional.

Definitely look into those books though. They do help. And it's not the end of the world. You will get better. All is well.

This is really more of a GAD (anxiety disorder) issue . I know exactly where you are coming form because I engage in ruminating (to go over in your mind repeatedly), and Catastrophizing (irrational thought a lot of us have in believing that something is far worse than it actually is)
all the time.Wish I had an easy answer. Greg

(((((zipzoolian))))

Welcome to pc and I hope you find lots of support and friends here. I am sorry you are going through this. Others have given you some good ideas. Please know that we are here for you and care. I wish I had something brilliant to say but the thought that someone else is having a bad day is a good thought. Please keep us posted in how you are doing. I send you a gentle hug if that is okay. Know we are here and listening.

dps

Greg,

That sounds exactly like me. I have picked up the books suggested above. I have started reading one of them already. I am going to work hard at this, not just for myself, but because someone I care about is involved in this.

Thank you - and I love that hula bear!!!

Thank you. The kindness here is awesome. Here are some hugs back:

I just have so many things going on in my life, that I need to find a different way of thinking, so that I can concentrate on the really important stuff.

Thank you for being here and listening.

I know oh so well how you feel! I was a chronic worrier and it seemed as tho everything had a negative connotation to it...what people said, things that happened, what I thought etc. Sometimes I would react by retreating inside myself, sometimes it would trigger lots and lots of depression, and sometimes I would react with anger. It seemed as tho I had no control over my thoughts at all or how I reacted to people, events, life.

But something happened in 1995. That was the year I was diagnoxed with bipolar disorder, but I want to talk about the fact that I also found Alcoholics Anonymous. I just wanted to share something I learned there that changed my whole outlook on things...the Serenity Prayer. Please don't think this is a religious post. The prayer opened up a whole new way of thinking for me. It reads: "God", grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I spent a long time thinking about those words, and took a while to finally start applying them to my daily life. I realized that I just cannot change what people say to me, or what they think, or what happens, so I just learned if I couldn't change it, to Let It Go! What a relief that was! I didn't dwell on things anymore. And, if I felt like I COULD do something about it, I did, whether it was to confront the person/situation, make a phone call to straighten something out, talk with my boss, or whatever. I have spent too much time in my life on negative thinking. But now, I find a sense of peace in myself because I can accept things now. Like being bipolar. It was so hard to accept that diagnosis, but it explained a whole lifetime of behavior. Now, I use the serenity prayer to accept who I am, ALL that I am. I learned what my stressors were and got rid of them (as much as I can), I know what my triggers are and I stay away from them, and I find things that I enjoy that aren't harmful and I have good days that aren't filled with all that negative, but are even joyful.

I really wish you luck with dealing with this. If I knew how to put a picture here of a bear hug I would! Please take care.

I wish you luck.