[leacon]

I feel caught between trying to deal with the emotions from when I retired and keeping them undercover. When I try to deal with the emotions, I run the risk of burning myself. If I try to keep the emotions undercover, I am constantly paralyzed in terms of moving forward. The emotions are definitely moving up now. Wonder if I can control my actions. I am finding myself wanting to SI more and more.

[idontknow13]

(((((leacon)))))
I wish I had the words to make you feel better but know that I am thinking of you
Hope you feel better soon and please do take care of yourself

[Rohag]

leacon, are you saying that the methods you have used to deal with your emotions are ineffective, or do you mean that those methods themselves have an effect but serve as triggers at the same time?

In any case, I'm a poor one to give advice. May others with just the right experiences find your post and reply.

[leahcim]

Hi Lea,

You know I'm here for you if you feel up to talking.

[leacon]

What I am saying is that by trying to remember and express the emotions from a very hurtful time, I have the tendency to trigger my SI urges. I need to express the emotions and get them out of myself to move forward. While I keep them in, I tend to stay isolated and depressed. So if I keep them in I could possibly restrain the SI urges and do not move forward, or I could release them and possibly begin SI again.

[leahcim]

I'm not making light of this issue by stating that it is a "Catch 22" or a "cunundrum".

However, you cannot remain stagnant and must move forward. So the issue should be how to control the SI urges. Can you let it all out in the presence of a therapist? Are there no meds. that can help you with the SI? Ever tried xanax/alprazolam? I use it for panic and anxiety attacks and it mellows me out immediately.

[turquoisesea]

I think it's a balance you're looking for... dealing with bits at a time so that you don't explode in the process...

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( leacon ))))))))))))))))))