[depressedalaskan]

Who are our friends? Why don't they understand us? Why have they all gone away? Why is it so hard to keep friends? Why have our friends given up on us? I see many people on PC asking these same questions that I ask myself everyday. So what are the answers? Here are my answers this is what I see in myself.

It is not my friends who have given up on me, it is me who has given up on myself. I am the one to blame or I guess it is my depression that is to blame.

Who are our friends? Anyone from our past or our future can be our friends. We just need to defeat depression and let people in.

Why don't our friends understand us? Do we really give them a chance to understand us? I know that I don't because depression to me is very embarrassing and I don't know how to explain that I have this illness to people or what depression really does to me or how it makes me feel.

Why have our friends all gone away? They haven't gone away they just get tired of asking us to do things and we are always saying no I don't feel like it. So they stop asking. It is me that has gone away. My depression has made me uninterested in doing everything.

Why is it so hard to keep friends? If we don't smile, laugh or have a good time why do people really want us around. I don't believe that we lose our friends we lose ourselves to depression.

Why have our friends given up on us? Our friends don't give up on us we stop communicating with them. Depression makes it hard for us to show any emotions that will help us keep our friendships strong or communicate with others.

Anyways I just had these thoughts and wanted to share them.

[Naturefreak]

(((depressedalaskan)))

I don't have ANY friends other than online friends and a few at
the Mental Heath Clinic which I rarely attend. I don't want to
be around people when I feel like this . I don't know if my old
friends would understand my illness , so I just don't bother trying
to renew old friendships. I've even avoided old friends if I see
them first just because I'm embarrased about my depression.
Will they ask me to go out with them where I know I will not
be good company . Just pretending to be happy. I am glad I
have people like you to discuss these things with , otherwise
I'd be on my own . Just my monthly visits to the P-Doc.
Thanks for sharing these thoughts my friend . I know you understand or at least I think you do . Take Care

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by Babysteps09

(((depressedalaskan)))

I don't have ANY friends other than online friends and a few at
the Mental Heath Clinic which I rarely attend. I don't want to
be around people when I feel like this . I don't know if my old
friends would understand my illness , so I just don't bother trying
to renew old friendships. I've even avoided old friends if I see
them first just because I'm embarrased about my depression.
Will they ask me to go out with them where I know I will not
be good company . Just pretending to be happy. I am glad I
have people like you to discuss these things with , otherwise
I'd be on my own . Just my monthly visits to the P-Doc.
Thanks for sharing these thoughts my friend . I know you understand or at least I think you do . Take Care

I have these same feelings - I do understand.

[Elysium]

I think that these are interesting concepts, but I don't think that they are necessarily the most accurate way to depict things.

Relationships are a two way street.

I know that when I am depressed and I reach out to my friends...they often times seem to think "Oh gee....she feels better!! Must be open season on Ely.", and then the teasing begins. Or...if I reach out to my friends, and I am feeling particularly quiet or down, I get to listen to them complain to me that I am a downer and that I'm "No fun to be around."

Honestly...I'm tired of putting on a fake smile and a fake show for every single person. If I can't feel my true feelings around my friends, then who can I feel them around? This just makes me feel more depressed and alone.

I think the real answer is that people in general need to become more in touch with their emotions and more tolerant of other peoples emotions and not always feel the need to "Put on a happy face".

There are times when it is a good idea to challenge your limits and crawl out of your shell and push yourself to have a good time. Everyone needs that. But then again, there are times when others just need to be more interested in how their friends are really doing and less interested in the BS facade of the elusive "Wonderful Life".

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((( alaskan )))))))))))))))))))

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by Elysium3006

I think that these are interesting concepts, but I don't think that they are necessarily the most accurate way to depict things.

Relationships are a two way street.

I know that when I am depressed and I reach out to my friends...they often times seem to think "Oh gee....she feels better!! Must be open season on Ely.", and then the teasing begins. Or...if I reach out to my friends, and I am feeling particularly quiet or down, I get to listen to them complain to me that I am a downer and that I'm "No fun to be around."

Honestly...I'm tired of putting on a fake smile and a fake show for every single person. If I can't feel my true feelings around my friends, then who can I feel them around? This just makes me feel more depressed and alone.

I think the real answer is that people in general need to become more in touch with their emotions and more tolerant of other peoples emotions and not always feel the need to "Put on a happy face".

There are times when it is a good idea to challenge your limits and crawl out of your shell and push yourself to have a good time. Everyone needs that. But then again, there are times when others just need to be more interested in how their friends are really doing and less interested in the BS facade of the elusive "Wonderful Life".

I understand what you are saying and I agree. I guess my question is do our friends truly understand our depression and how it makes us feel?

[marvin_pa]

Originally Posted by depressedalaskan

I understand what you are saying and I agree. I guess my question is do our friends truly understand our depression and how it makes us feel?

Depends on the friend, I think. Most of my closer friends have either experienced depression directly, or through another friend/relative - so, that element of shared experience surely helps in understanding & maintaining the relationship.

Having said that, I don't think it's a necessity to have depression as a shared experience - it depends on the depth of the friendship - a really good friend may not fully understand why I might be withdrawn, but would still see me as a friend, maybe based from the times when I wasn't feeling so depressed.

I can be very bad about maintaining friendships for the same sorts of reasons you listed, but the test for me has been those friendships that have been able to just restart where they were left off, maybe years later. They do exist, but they're uncommon treasures.

It is, however, hard for me to form new friendships & very, very hard when the depression is biting. Unfortunately, it's also very hard for me to lean on friends when it's biting. They may understand, but my inclination at those times is to hide.

[ExiExi]

((((((depressedalaskan))))))
You are absolutely right.

[Berries]

Originally Posted by depressedalaskan

Who are our friends? Why don't they understand us? Why have they all gone away? Why is it so hard to keep friends? Why have our friends given up on us? I see many people on PC asking these same questions that I ask myself everyday. So what are the answers? Here are my answers this is what I see in myself.

It is not my friends who have given up on me, it is me who has given up on myself. I am the one to blame or I guess it is my depression that is to blame.

Who are our friends? Anyone from our past or our future can be our friends. We just need to defeat depression and let people in.

Why don't our friends understand us? Do we really give them a chance to understand us? I know that I don't because depression to me is very embarrassing and I don't know how to explain that I have this illness to people or what depression really does to me or how it makes me feel.

Why have our friends all gone away? They haven't gone away they just get tired of asking us to do things and we are always saying no I don't feel like it. So they stop asking. It is me that has gone away. My depression has made me uninterested in doing everything.

Why is it so hard to keep friends? If we don't smile, laugh or have a good time why do people really want us around. I don't believe that we lose our friends we lose ourselves to depression.

Why have our friends given up on us? Our friends don't give up on us we stop communicating with them. Depression makes it hard for us to show any emotions that will help us keep our friendships strong or communicate with others.

Anyways I just had these thoughts and wanted to share them.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((depressedalaskan))))

Thank you for your post. It does make alot of sense.

For me, I shut down and push friends away because I am trying to protect them from all I am going through. I am so afraid that they will get tired of the way I am or not want to hear. So I beat them to the punch, and put up a protective wall for both of us. Sometimes at the same time I am pushng them away----I am screaming please do not go----only they do not know this unless they really know me. It is me that shuts down not my friends. I am so scared at times that it is all I can do.

I hate depression and all it does. Makes me immoble at times. Sometimes I cannot even ask for help, I cannot even pick up the phone to call anyone, and sometimes, depression convinces me I am nothing and no one would care anyways. And the masks do get so heavy from all the coats of paint that we seem to put on it everyday. I get so tired of trying to hold up the mask. But I get so afraid of others seeing me so hurting.

dps

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by marvin_pa

Depends on the friend, I think. Most of my closer friends have either experienced depression directly, or through another friend/relative - so, that element of shared experience surely helps in understanding & maintaining the relationship.

Having said that, I don't think it's a necessity to have depression as a shared experience - it depends on the depth of the friendship - a really good friend may not fully understand why I might be withdrawn, but would still see me as a friend, maybe based from the times when I wasn't feeling so depressed.

I can be very bad about maintaining friendships for the same sorts of reasons you listed, but the test for me has been those friendships that have been able to just restart where they were left off, maybe years later. They do exist, but they're uncommon treasures.

It is, however, hard for me to form new friendships & very, very hard when the depression is biting. Unfortunately, it's also very hard for me to lean on friends when it's biting. They may understand, but my inclination at those times is to hide.

You are right I have been in hiding for 8 years now and I have lost communication with my friends. I am the one who has given up on life and friendships not my friends. Not good for me but I can see it now. Thanks

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by darkpurplesecrets

((((depressedalaskan))))

Thank you for your post. It does make alot of sense.

For me, I shut down and push friends away because I am trying to protect them from all I am going through. I am so afraid that they will get tired of the way I am or not want to hear. So I beat them to the punch, and put up a protective wall for both of us. Sometimes at the same time I am pushng them away----I am screaming please do not go----only they do not know this unless they really know me. It is me that shuts down not my friends. I am so scared at times that it is all I can do.

I hate depression and all it does. Makes me immoble at times. Sometimes I cannot even ask for help, I cannot even pick up the phone to call anyone, and sometimes, depression convinces me I am nothing and no one would care anyways. And the masks do get so heavy from all the coats of paint that we seem to put on it everyday. I get so tired of trying to hold up the mask. But I get so afraid of others seeing me so hurting.

dps

((((((darkpurplesecrets))))))I too hate depression and what is has done to me. You are not alone on how you feel. Thanks

[Rohag]

Outside my immediate family, I have fewer than five people I consider true friends. And we haven't seen each other in years. Depression/agoraphobia is one reason for the separation, the other is my near-immobility – haven't driven a car in about a decade (neurology).

People move in their own accustomed circles, socially and geographically. If due to some illness – depression certainly included – someone's circulation changes, my observation is it's only the very rare individual who will or can stretch to keep the ill one involved.

Telephones and especially now the Web are wonderful ways of reducing the virtual distance among us. I'm grateful every day for this 'puter.

PS: Thanks for asking this thought-provoking question, DepressedAlaskan!

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Outside my immediate family, I have fewer than five people I consider true friends. And we haven't seen each other in years. Depression/agoraphobia is one reason for the separation, the other is my near-immobility – haven't driven a car in about a decade (neurology).

People move in their own accustomed circles, socially and geographically. If due to some illness – depression certainly included – someone's circulation changes, my observation is it's only the very rare individual who will or can stretch to keep the ill one involved.

Telephones and especially now the Web are wonderful ways of reducing the virtual distance among us. I'm grateful every day for this 'puter.

PS: Thanks for asking this thought-provoking question, DepressedAlaskan!

Good points - thanks for your input.

FACT: If you die with ONE TRUE Friend you've been blessed.

Others come and go as is life and situations - considered the above.... and be grateful.

I wish I had one!

[Naturefreak]

Give me one friend , just one , who meets the needs of all my varying moods - Esther M. Clarke

Originally Posted by Babysteps09

Give me one friend , just one , who meets the needs of all my varying moods - Esther M. Clarke

Nice quote - But

I don't know about MEET, mine would be if they could handle being around me -
None so far, and there isn't a waiting list

It'd be like running for the door - SO I always keep it open, or maybe I'll put in one or those glass spin doors........

Good post.
I feel so friendless.
I don't get why some people seem so happy.
It's so hard for me to get a smile on my face and if I do- it always feels fake to me because I know that I'm personally not happy about anything at all. I know that people don't truely want to spend their time with me- they only feel sorry for me.

Originally Posted by Autumn01

Good post.
I feel so friendless.
I don't get why some people seem so happy.
It's so hard for me to get a smile on my face and if I do- it always feels fake to me because I know that I'm personally not happy about anything at all. I know that people don't truely want to spend their time with me- they only feel sorry for me.

It's definetly not HAPPY I feel.
Yes, having a real person friend would be nice, but I'm sure they'd get on my nerves too.... Friends ARE a maintance thing!
I don't smile ANYMORE unless I'm feeling it! No more masks for me!

As for people wanted to spend time - People only really want to do what THEY want to do - So please (i say this to myself - constantly) try not to take it personally.

As I've ALWAYS said -
If I were me, I wouldn't want to around me either
You've got a friend in me - I'm flibbedgibet, but hey that's me

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by starlite*111

As I've ALWAYS said -
If I were me, I wouldn't want to around me either

I hear you ((Starlite)) No waiting list HERE neither.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by starlite*111

Friends ARE a maintance thing!

How true. When we or they become "high maintenance," how many are willing or able to maintain the friendship?

In the interests of full disclosure, in my earlier post I said something about having 'fewer than five true friends' (no real-world contact with any of them at present). Well, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. I fear that, in the end, my 'fewer than five' equals 'one.' But one is a blessing, as Starlite wisely notes.

Originally Posted by Babysteps09

I hear you ((Starlite)) No waiting list HERE neither.

Hey, I've been waiting, but I can't get out of this spinning glass door thing.

[Berries]

I don't have but one true friend and i feel so extrememly blessed to have her.
But she lives half the country away from me.

There a lots of reasons i dont have any friends here where i live.

One is: I am afraid they will take advantage of me, manipulate me, or abuse me in some way and I'll be too weak to stand up and walk away.

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by starlite*111

FACT: If you die with ONE TRUE Friend you've been blessed.

Others come and go as is life and situations - considered the above.... and be grateful.

I wish I had one!

((((starlite*111)))) I am sorry that you feel this way. I would love to be your friend. But I must worn you that my depression keeps me in hiding for weeks at a time. That is why my past friends have moved on. They haven't forgotten me but I have ignored them. My fault or my depressions fault.

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by Autumn01

Good post.
I feel so friendless.
I don't get why some people seem so happy.
It's so hard for me to get a smile on my face and if I do- it always feels fake to me because I know that I'm personally not happy about anything at all. I know that people don't truely want to spend their time with me- they only feel sorry for me.

I have to say this, most people I meet like me for who I am. I am a good person just not a happy person. So I am kind of blah when it comes to having any fun at all. In fact most people would say that I bring a party down because of my depression. Note: it is my depression and not me. Before depression I was the life of the party so to speak. I have no idea what happened to me other than depression. Wish you luck in your fight against depression.