[darkpurplesecrets]

Right now, I feel I am caught up in a twister. Spinning so fast that I cannot breath. Lost within where no one can hear me, yet screaming out for my very existance. Words are gone, and right now I see no light. Fealing guilty yet more scared than ever.

Where are they? Those who are no more. Why am I? Why did I hold on? I who have no right to be here. I who did such atrocious atrosities. Even with no choice----I did. I did not run, I did not scream out except within where no one heard or could hear. Why do I live?

It is days like today I am running a race yet the finish line never comes. The world I exist in is swallowing me up and I have no strength to fight. The words and memories spilling out burn with a heat that is too hot to touch. Too hot to even walk close to.

It feels as everywhere I look, road blocks are so strong. My own worth so taddered that I cannot see my next step. The pot holes seem to be so close together that with every step--you wonder if you will fall in. And every step is like quicksand, pulling you under with a new strength.

You totally shy away--pushing up that wall so no one will see. You are afraid that you are totally not worth a word, a phrase, or even a letter. It is all taking you away. You scream for someone to see through this wall--this mask. Through the repulsiveness and fear. And you wish that someone could know, yet afraid if they did--no one will care.

Sometimes, you see a hand reaching, but you cannot grab ahold or maybe there is so much fear you cannot. A tear rolls down and you try to catch it before anyone sees or sometimes a rushing river breaks out, whether within or without, and you hide so no one knows.

Everything is closing in around you and you try to save others to protect what is raging within. But strength is so weak, so fragile, and you wonder how many more steps can I go? And all you want is for the darkness to end and the light to peak through. For the voices to stop, to be able to tell someone--yet you cannot.

Somehow, you hold on--terrified--blinded--engulfed within the storm. But you hold----please just hold a little longer.

dps

[Miracle1986]

(((((dps)))))

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by darkpurplesecrets

Right now, I feel I am caught up in a twister. Spinning so fast that I cannot breath. Lost within where no one can hear me, yet screaming out for my very existance. Words are gone, and right now I see no light. Fealing guilty yet more scared than ever.

Where are they? Those who are no more. Why am I? Why did I hold on? I who have no right to be here. I who did such atrocious atrosities. Even with no choice----I did. I did not run, I did not scream out except within where no one heard or could hear. Why do I live?

It is days like today I am running a race yet the finish line never comes. The world I exist in is swallowing me up and I have no strength to fight. The words and memories spilling out burn with a heat that is too hot to touch. Too hot to even walk close to.

It feels as everywhere I look, road blocks are so strong. My own worth so taddered that I cannot see my next step. The pot holes seem to be so close together that with every step--you wonder if you will fall in. And every step is like quicksand, pulling you under with a new strength.

You totally shy away--pushing up that wall so no one will see. You are afraid that you are totally not worth a word, a phrase, or even a letter. It is all taking you away. You scream for someone to see through this wall--this mask. Through the repulsiveness and fear. And you wish that someone could know, yet afraid if they did--no one will care.

Sometimes, you see a hand reaching, but you cannot grab ahold or maybe there is so much fear you cannot. A tear rolls down and you try to catch it before anyone sees or sometimes a rushing river breaks out, whether within or without, and you hide so no one knows.

Everything is closing in around you and you try to save others to protect what is raging within. But strength is so weak, so fragile, and you wonder how many more steps can I go? And all you want is for the darkness to end and the light to peak through. For the voices to stop, to be able to tell someone--yet you cannot.

Somehow, you hold on--terrified--blinded--engulfed within the storm. But you hold----please just hold a little longer.

dps

WOW!!! (((darkpurplesecrets)))) Well written. Are you fooling around in my brain? I could have not written this any differently if I did it myself.

I have a hand out, please grab it, I will do my best to help you hang on. Hugs for your day.

Do you have a therapist or doctor? If you do - try printing this out and sharing it with them. This works for me - but it might not work for you.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( darkpurplesecrets ))))))))))))))))

love always
furry paws

[*freak*]

I relate so much to your post... I wish I could help, but I'm right there in the middle of it myself... I just want to tell you that you have every right to be here. I know you don't believe it, I know you feel guilty. But you're here and you can stay. I'd really like you to stay

Take good care of yourself, ok?

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by *freak*

I relate so much to your post... I wish I could help, but I'm right there in the middle of it myself... I just want to tell you that you have every right to be here. I know you don't believe it, I know you feel guilty. But you're here and you can stay. I'd really like you to stay

Take good care of yourself, ok?

Really like you to stay - me too.

[lindee]

dps Hang on for dear life. We need you.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Manda86))))

Thank you so much for the hug. It meant more than you will ever know. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((depressedalaskan))))

Thank you for your hugs and your words. They mean so much. Tears are streaming down my face. Knowing the loving words and thoughts coming from everyone are real. I know where I am is very dark and very deep, but knowing my wonderful pc friends are here gives me a hope that was not there just minutes ago.

I am lost within, the storm is raging, the winds are blowing beyond what I can tell you. I am sorry you are there too. I do not wish this upon anyone. I wish I had some words of wisdom right now but I am afraid I do not.

I do have a t and a doc. I will share this when I can. Thank you for your hand and I am trying to grab on. To hold on until the storm passes by. I am sorry if my words are not saying what I wish they would say. But I am lost right now.

Thank you so much for being there and reaching. It means more than you know. I send you gentle hugs and loving thoughts in the midst of it all. Thank you for caring and for being here. Always.

dps

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((fuzzybear))))

Knowing you are here means so much. Thank you for your hug and your love. I know you are there. My words right now are blank but holding on to everyone here with all I have. I send you many gentle hugs and lots of love. You mean so much. I love you. Always.

dps

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((*freak*))))

Sending you many gentle hugs my friend and loving thoughts. I am sorry you are in the midst of a storm but know that your reaching out means more than you will know. Thank you for wanting me to stay. It is just so hard right now. I feel I am sinking. And I am scared. But I know that you are here as are others. It means so much right now.

My words are empty right now as I am trying to hold on. Sometimes it feels like I will be overtaken by the storm, yet I am still reaching and holding on to everyone's words like they are my lifeboat.

Thank you for caring. I care for you too.

dps

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((depressedalaskan))))

I am trying to stay----thank you for caring. It means so much right now and always. Reaching-----------------------------------------------

dps

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((lindee))))

Thank you dear one. I am trying to hang on and fight. Your being there means more than you will know. Right now it takes all I have to write, but I need you to know you being there means so much. Thank you.

Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

[*freak*]

Originally Posted by darkpurplesecrets

((((*freak*))))

Sending you many gentle hugs my friend and loving thoughts. I am sorry you are in the midst of a storm but know that your reaching out means more than you will know. Thank you for wanting me to stay. It is just so hard right now. I feel I am sinking. And I am scared. But I know that you are here as are others. It means so much right now.

My words are empty right now as I am trying to hold on. Sometimes it feels like I will be overtaken by the storm, yet I am still reaching and holding on to everyone's words like they are my lifeboat.

I know how hard it is... And it's normal to be scared. Keep posting if it helps some. If not, it's okay too, just hang in there

Thank you for caring. I care for you too.

Thank you

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((*freak*))))

I am so scared. I am so lost. I am fighting to hang on.

You are welcome. If we hang in there together, maybe we can defeat this storm.

dps

[Rohag]

Your words are never empty, Darkpurplesecrets. Many hold on with you. May the day not be far off when your fear dissipates, joy rises, and you find your compass.

[notz]

darkpuplesecrets,

I am thinking of you. I hope you are feeling well right now. Hugs if okay.

notz

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Rohag))))

Thank you my friend for your words. I guess at times when the storm is raging and the waves are hitting against the heart----we cannot hear our own words for the rain beating down. I feel terrified right now, the black clouds are stretched across the sky and the winds are whipping in and out as the memories and warnings rage. The lightening strikes and the thunder roars, and deep within I try to hide from the debree flying everywhere.

Your words as everyones----give a safe haven to the destruction. Right now they are holding me up. For that I am greatful to all. I do send you gentle hugs my friend and loving thoughts. I may fall but I have your words to build again. Thank you for standing with me.

dps

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((notz))))

Thank you my friend for being here. Your thoughts mean more than you could know. Sending you gentle hugs right back.

dps