[AceDarren]

I go through random and deep bouts of depression on a regular basis. I will be feeling fine one day and then I plop to feeling down on myself in every way. It happens unexpectedly (though it can also be brought on by something else) and a lot.
I feel like I've lost far too many people because of it. When I feel down like that I generally do not want to be with people unless I have to, leading me to not return phone calls or texts and simply being a party-pooper.
Instead of the people who are trying to get a hold of me assuming it's a personal problem of mine, they assume I simply do not want to be friends with them, and invariably stop calling or returning my calls as some sort of revenge on my disregard for their courtesy of trying to contact me. Therefore, feeling down causes these people to move on, which makes me feel even more down.
But I think if I could be honest with these people, it could work out better. But I don't want to be honest with them, because they can't understand and, as a result, could make me feel worse about myself by dealing with it negatively or just shunning me altogether (making this lose-lose no matter what I do).
Here on this site I am a braver person about being myself, because I know no one here will judge me or make assumptions about my thoughts and feelings. And i know that when i do fall into depression again, I can come back and you all will still be here.
But for some reason I can't seem to get it out to the people around me, the people I have called "friends" in the past who have turned out to be anything but. They're just too quick to jump on anyone who isn't like them, which is one of the last things I need.

Anyways, just a thought about what is happening in my life. I suppose I'm lonely because I'm depressed, and depressed because I'm lonely. Looks like an endless cycle to me.

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by AceDarren

I go through random and deep bouts of depression on a regular basis. I will be feeling fine one day and then I plop to feeling down on myself in every way. It happens unexpectedly (though it can also be brought on by something else) and a lot.
I feel like I've lost far too many people because of it. When I feel down like that I generally do not want to be with people unless I have to, leading me to not return phone calls or texts and simply being a party-pooper.
Instead of the people who are trying to get a hold of me assuming it's a personal problem of mine, they assume I simply do not want to be friends with them, and invariably stop calling or returning my calls as some sort of revenge on my disregard for their courtesy of trying to contact me. Therefore, feeling down causes these people to move on, which makes me feel even more down.
But I think if I could be honest with these people, it could work out better. But I don't want to be honest with them, because they can't understand and, as a result, could make me feel worse about myself by dealing with it negatively or just shunning me altogether (making this lose-lose no matter what I do).
Here on this site I am a braver person about being myself, because I know no one here will judge me or make assumptions about my thoughts and feelings. And i know that when i do fall into depression again, I can come back and you all will still be here.
But for some reason I can't seem to get it out to the people around me, the people I have called "friends" in the past who have turned out to be anything but. They're just too quick to jump on anyone who isn't like them, which is one of the last things I need.

Anyways, just a thought about what is happening in my life. I suppose I'm lonely because I'm depressed, and depressed because I'm lonely. Looks like an endless cycle to me.

I am with you on this one. I to feel my friends have gone away, but have they? I do the same things: do not answer the door, phone, e-mails and so on. So are my friends no longer my friends? I don't know. Would they understand how I feel? I don't know. If they truly knew that depression was an illness would they run away? I don't know. I guess I don't give them a chance - I have lost (so I think) many friends, but have I? I don't know.

It would be so much better if we could hand our friends some literature on depression and say "Look, take this home and read it, this is what I have try to understand". Maybe people would give us a chance if they really knew what was going on in our minds. Maybe they would understand our illnesses.

Hugs for your day.

[*freak*]

I'm sorry you're lonely. I hope you'll find some "better" friends, who will be able to understand you and to stick around, accepting you for who you are, regardless of your issues.

When you feel lonely you can always come here. I know it's not the same as talking to someone IRL, but I hope it will make you feel a little better

[AceDarren]

Originally Posted by depressedalaskan

It would be so much better if we could hand our friends some literature on depression and say "Look, take this home and read it, this is what I have try to understand". Maybe people would give us a chance if they really knew what was going on in our minds. Maybe they would understand our illnesses.

That'd be nice, wouldn't it? I can just see the looks on some people's faces if I gave them that book though...and that's what gets me down a lot of the time...some people just won't understand because they have no interest in understanding, since it makes them more comfortable to simply make fun of it or ignore it.

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by AceDarren

That'd be nice, wouldn't it? I can just see the looks on some people's faces if I gave them that book though...and that's what gets me down a lot of the time...some people just won't understand because they have no interest in understanding, since it makes them more comfortable to simply make fun of it or ignore it.

We are still learning about mental illnesses, that is how I found PC looking for more answers to depression. If I had cancer everyone would be at my door wanting to help because they understand it. If people knew how to understand mental illnesses would my friends be at my door? I am think they would be. The biggest problem is they don't understand. We don't understand we only know how it makes us feel.

In my past, I have helped many people for different reasons. I knew a little senior lady that had no one in town to help her so every time she needed something she would call me, could you take out my trash, move a sofa or what ever. This person was not stuck in the house but she could not lift anything. So she called me, I was always happy to help her.

I also had a senior man that had family in town that wouldn't do anything for him. I used to take him shopping, take out his trash, get his food from the senior center, what ever I could do to help. Bad think about this man is that his son lived right across the street. Go figure.

I guess what I am trying to say is that the more people who really understand the more people will help us. I don't know how to get the word out. But look at us here at PC, we all understand and we all care. We are all the same, we are fighters of an illness that we so want to understand.

Hugs for your day.. Hope I am making sense to you. Not sure in my own mind today.

[AceDarren]

Making perfect sense, depressedalaskan...yes what I love about this site is that it's quite a break from people who try so hard to be "normal," and it's just where I don't have to worry about the burden of not knowing how people are going to react to my true thoughts.

Can't wait until the world can know more about mental illness (if that day is ever to come) so there's not such a stigma surrounding it. But for now the fact that websites like this exist is proof that there are people we can share things with. Great examples you gave, by the way.

Thanks for all of your help

[keepinghopeful]

Originally Posted by AceDarren

I go through random and deep bouts of depression on a regular basis. I will be feeling fine one day and then I plop to feeling down on myself in every way. It happens unexpectedly (though it can also be brought on by something else) and a lot.
I feel like I've lost far too many people because of it. When I feel down like that I generally do not want to be with people unless I have to, leading me to not return phone calls or texts and simply being a party-pooper.
Instead of the people who are trying to get a hold of me assuming it's a personal problem of mine, they assume I simply do not want to be friends with them, and invariably stop calling or returning my calls as some sort of revenge on my disregard for their courtesy of trying to contact me. Therefore, feeling down causes these people to move on, which makes me feel even more down.
But I think if I could be honest with these people, it could work out better. But I don't want to be honest with them, because they can't understand and, as a result, could make me feel worse about myself by dealing with it negatively or just shunning me altogether (making this lose-lose no matter what I do).
Here on this site I am a braver person about being myself, because I know no one here will judge me or make assumptions about my thoughts and feelings. And i know that when i do fall into depression again, I can come back and you all will still be here.
But for some reason I can't seem to get it out to the people around me, the people I have called "friends" in the past who have turned out to be anything but. They're just too quick to jump on anyone who isn't like them, which is one of the last things I need.

Anyways, just a thought about what is happening in my life. I suppose I'm lonely because I'm depressed, and depressed because I'm lonely. Looks like an endless cycle to me.

((((((AceDarren))))))

Your post really hit home with me. I feel the same way a lot of the time. One day I'll feel like maybe life will be great, and then other days I feel like it's the end of the world. It really does seem to be an endless cycle.

On my "bad" days, I also tend to just want to be left alone...but I am also lonely too. I am never alone, since we adopted a baby almost a year ago, and I am so very grateful for my family...but sometimes, I just feel overwhelmed and lonely too.

I tend to avoid people when I'm feeling especially down, I pretty much isolate myself. Then I feel like people think I'm being stuck up, that I don't want to be friends with them or that I'm just in my own world. If they only knew what depression is truly like, or could understand a little bit of what we go through. I think a few people around me kind of have a clue, but others just think that I'm being rude or something.

My heart goes out to you, as I could feel your pain and sadness in your post. PC is a great place, and I'm glad that it is helping you. I know that it has helped me quite a bit. It really is nice to be able to log on here and know that there are other people that can relate to this battle with depression.