[starrina]

To Paul,
I am writing to you today to point out to you some things
it has been almost 4 weeks since we parted and still you scare me
still you be little me and in front of the kids pffff like I expect anything different from you.
I came over here to take care of our son and the animals while you ae yet again away with your trains, first you could not or would not take our son to the doctors so I had to second you spent the rest of the day telling me I did not give a rats ****** about anything but myself if only that were so no what you fail to get is that without me you would lose your precious car, you see you you get paid once a week while I get paid once a fortnight you get $1100 a fortnight I get almost $600 a fortnight let me ask you sounds better off me or you
Oh I know you have to pay the rent and buy food etc but so do I
so lets tear our life apart just a little shall we ever since I met you you have drunk beer thats fine but you were once a happy drunk man you could make me laugh so much oh well those days are long gone by the by
you see you say I give up nothing ok so lets take a long hard look at what I have given up over the last 23 yrs
hair cuts I now shave my hair to save costs and from having it pulled
make up
face cremes etc
clothes cannot remember the last time I brought a new dress
my pride and what self respect I did have and so on I could go.
now lets see what have you given up
well there was the oh no wait that was me ops am I bad
ok so for the last 3 or 4 months you have not brought a carton of beer big deal look at the amount of money you alone were getting every yr close to $ 5000 yes thats right just you the poor hard done by man
who gave up everything.
Am I mad with you no not really mad I am hurt hurt that you choose to say things in front of our kds especially her who will use that against me
hurt that I have to give up my house my home my kids because you and I and her cannot live together yes I left to get away from both of you you both are as bad as each other.There are so many things that I could say but you know I just sit and cry I left home to get away from my "fathers" abuse and I met you and I walked right back into it again why why do we do that to ourselves hell if I know.
My biggest issue now is what do I do I cannot stay with my friend forever but I cannot afford to live alone either nor emotionally can I do this I simply am not strong enough for that I have been trying to figure this out but so far I simply cant I cannot think right I cannot see a tomorrow any better now then when I lived here at this house so what do I do.

[Seabirdanne]

I know what it's like to fall into the same bad relationship that you think you just left. You seem to have been in the same one now for 23 years. I've had three of the same relationships -- same relationship, different man. And those happy drunks are something, aren't they? It's like being a kid again; it's like a drug. You giggle and laugh and laugh and giggle, and you cling to that even when he turns into a completely different person, taking your self-esteem and shredding it and stomping on it and feeding it to the dogs while you watch in mute despair -- or you find yourself turning into a different person, too, saying things you never thought you would say. I'm so sorry, Starrina. I hope you find your way to someplace, someone better.

[justfloating]

(((((((((((starrina)))))))))))

[depressedalaskan]

(((((((((((starrina)))))))))))