[Berries]

Voices are lurking just above the surface, gulping air They want to steal my air. They want to consume me and call me their own. I don't have a moment to wonder why I am so wanted, I am busy fighting and fighting. So tired of fighting. Having the same argument over and over for what seems like forever. If I could have just one day of peace from that nagging from the compulsions from the seduction. Why do I believe they voices? They know all my secrets, every single one. They now me from the inside to the out. Who better to believe? The voice always wins in the end, until it has stomped me into a bloody pulp on the road. Then I have to start from zero and pull myself up.
My head screams today--I NEED TO STOP TAKING MY MEDS. IT IS THE ONLY WAY! YOU WUSS. YOU LIAR YOU FAKER BUCKUP!!!!!

[Rohag]

Personal Opinion:
Berries is not a wuss.
Berries is not a liar.
Berries is not a faker.

Berries is a mature individual who has taken careful counsel of herself and professionals. She has made sound decisions regarding her health and how to deal with a serious and REAL illness.

Berries' voices are not her own. They're real enough, but they are adversaries.

Berries is (*seeking out Roget's Thesaurus*) cherished, prized, treasured, held dear...

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Personal Opinion:
Berries is not a wuss.
Berries is not a liar.
Berries is not a faker.

Berries is a mature individual who has taken careful counsel of herself and professionals. She has made sound decisions regarding her health and how to deal with a serious and REAL illness.

Berries' voices are not her own. They're real enough, but they are adversaries.

Berries is (*seeking out Roget's Thesaurus*) cherished, prized, treasured, held dear...

((((Berries)))) listen to our words not to your illness's. Let the words of your friends in. Do not stop fighting. You have been doing so well with your life keep up the fight. You are winning. Hugs for your day.

[Naturefreak]

(((Berries)))

No words tonight ....... but I'm listening , care , and have hugs.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Berries))))

I hear you and I am sorry you are feeling this way. But it is not true. These are hard times and what you are going through is tough. But I do not see someone who is a wuss, a liar, or a faker. I see someone who is strong----taking a risk to reach out and open up.

You are so much loved and cared about. You are our friend, a fellow walker on this road that keeps attacking. But we keep walking and hand in hand we will get to the end eventually if we faint not.

I know so many times it would be so much easier to let go of the fight, but it is in that fight that we grow in strength and wisdom. And as hard as it is, the fight will eventually die down.

And we are walking right there with you so you are not alone. Keep reaching and letting us know what you feel. A friend is there through thick and thin. There is no pulling away. We are there for you.

Sending you gentle hugs my friend and loving thoughts. Please keep reaching and do something kind for you. And remember to breath. I know how loud the voices can get----but we are louder. Try to hear us. We are here for you.

dps

[Seabirdanne]

((((((((((((((((((((((((Berries))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

May Berries be happy.

May Berries be peaceful.

May Berries be free.

Feel better, Berries. Feel better soon.

[*freak*]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Personal Opinion:
Berries is not a wuss.
Berries is not a liar.
Berries is not a faker.

Berries is a mature individual who has taken careful counsel of herself and professionals. She has made sound decisions regarding her health and how to deal with a serious and REAL illness.

Berries' voices are not her own. They're real enough, but they are adversaries.

Berries is (*seeking out Roget's Thesaurus*) cherished, prized, treasured, held dear...

Rohag put it really well, as usual. I agree with every single word.
Please, take care, my friend

[Berries]

Thank you, my dear, dear friends. Thank you. Thank you for the strength you give me. Thank for the compassion you show me. Every single day. Day after day. Hour after hour and minute after minute.
Thank you.

[*freak*]

You're welcome We're always here, you can always count on us

[lynn09]

Sweet, Berries: Listen to your HEART, not your head. Those voices are just cowardly phantoms hiding in the dark, telling half-truths - the rest of what they say is poison - they are not concerned with your welfare. They talk and talk so you can't hear the truth because they fear you - the truth that you are LIGHT and it is that light that exiles them to darkness. WE are your HEART, Berries - and you are our HEARTS, too. Listen to our voices - we don't lie.

[turquoisesea]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Personal Opinion:
Berries is not a wuss.
Berries is not a liar.
Berries is not a faker.

Berries is a mature individual who has taken careful counsel of herself and professionals. She has made sound decisions regarding her health and how to deal with a serious and REAL illness.

Berries' voices are not her own. They're real enough, but they are adversaries.

Berries is (*seeking out Roget's Thesaurus*) cherished, prized, treasured, held dear...

And a big bear hug to you

[miray]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Personal Opinion:
Berries is not a wuss.
Berries is not a liar.
Berries is not a faker.

Berries is a mature individual who has taken careful counsel of herself and professionals. She has made sound decisions regarding her health and how to deal with a serious and REAL illness.

Berries' voices are not her own. They're real enough, but they are adversaries.

Berries is (*seeking out Roget's Thesaurus*) cherished, prized, treasured, held dear...

(((((Berries))))) This says it best I think. You are very strong....look how far you have brought yourself:-)

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( Berries ))))))))))))))))

[justfloating]

(((((((((Berries))))))))))

The voices don't know you.

Last night, I was talking to a friend. I told her that I didn't feel worthy of other people's friendship, attention or care. I told her -- as the voices have been telling me for years -- that I may SEEM like a good person, but in reality I'm selfish, boring, and a waste of oxygen because I'm weak and will never accomplish anything worthwhile. Her response: "Who on EARTH told you that crap?!" I told her that I just know these things, that I'm the one living inside my own head and I'm the one who knows what I truly think and feel. And then she said, "Just because you think something doesn't mean it's true."

I know how hard it is to separate your depression from reality. I struggle with it on a daily basis. At first I thought it was just a matter of forcing myself not to listen, but how can you not listen to something that's being shouted at you, over and over, on and on? So now I have a new tactic. Let the depression rail and rage, let it beat me to a pulp, let it have me ... so long as I recognize it for what it is, so long as I recognize that I'm sick, that I'm not doing this to myself. We are victims, you and I, of a cruel illness. And if we cannot ignore what it's saying we can at least acknowledge that it's there, that it has the power to lie to us, and that it is lying to us. Even if we can't stop the lies from coming and from hurting us, little by little I've found that they lose some of their power over me as long as I keep telling myself that at least some part of my thinking is not being influenced entirely by me, but by some other, identifiable force.

I'm not sure if that made sense ... it's late and I'm really tired and I've been a little out of it lately, but I hope it does. Take care of yourself, Berries. You are a good, decent, kind person and you do not deserve to suffer this way.

[Seabirdanne]

Originally Posted by justfloating

(((((((((Berries))))))))))

The voices don't know you.

Last night, I was talking to a friend. I told her that I didn't feel worthy of other people's friendship, attention or care. I told her -- as the voices have been telling me for years -- that I may SEEM like a good person, but in reality I'm selfish, boring, and a waste of oxygen because I'm weak and will never accomplish anything worthwhile. Her response: "Who on EARTH told you that crap?!" I told her that I just know these things, that I'm the one living inside my own head and I'm the one who knows what I truly think and feel. And then she said, "Just because you think something doesn't mean it's true."

I know how hard it is to separate your depression from reality. I struggle with it on a daily basis. At first I thought it was just a matter of forcing myself not to listen, but how can you not listen to something that's being shouted at you, over and over, on and on? So now I have a new tactic. Let the depression rail and rage, let it beat me to a pulp, let it have me ... so long as I recognize it for what it is, so long as I recognize that I'm sick, that I'm not doing this to myself. We are victims, you and I, of a cruel illness. And if we cannot ignore what it's saying we can at least acknowledge that it's there, that it has the power to lie to us, and that it is lying to us. Even if we can't stop the lies from coming and from hurting us, little by little I've found that they lose some of their power over me as long as I keep telling myself that at least some part of my thinking is not being influenced entirely by me, but by some other, identifiable force.

I'm not sure if that made sense ... it's late and I'm really tired and I've been a little out of it lately, but I hope it does. Take care of yourself, Berries. You are a good, decent, kind person and you do not deserve to suffer this way.

Thank you for this. I've been having such a hard time. I've lived in isolation for so long, then I get on the internet and try to do this stuff, and on the one hand, something in my brain berates me for trying to help people, and on the other, something in my brain tries to convince me that no one wants to help me -- that if they really knew me, they'd hate me. I'm going to print this out and read it at least once a day until it all eases up.

[Berries]

Originally Posted by justfloating

(((((((((Berries))))))))))

The voices don't know you.

Last night, I was talking to a friend. I told her that I didn't feel worthy of other people's friendship, attention or care. I told her -- as the voices have been telling me for years -- that I may SEEM like a good person, but in reality I'm selfish, boring, and a waste of oxygen because I'm weak and will never accomplish anything worthwhile. Her response: "Who on EARTH told you that crap?!" I told her that I just know these things, that I'm the one living inside my own head and I'm the one who knows what I truly think and feel. And then she said, "Just because you think something doesn't mean it's true."

I know how hard it is to separate your depression from reality. I struggle with it on a daily basis. At first I thought it was just a matter of forcing myself not to listen, but how can you not listen to something that's being shouted at you, over and over, on and on? So now I have a new tactic. Let the depression rail and rage, let it beat me to a pulp, let it have me ... so long as I recognize it for what it is, so long as I recognize that I'm sick, that I'm not doing this to myself. We are victims, you and I, of a cruel illness. And if we cannot ignore what it's saying we can at least acknowledge that it's there, that it has the power to lie to us, and that it is lying to us. Even if we can't stop the lies from coming and from hurting us, little by little I've found that they lose some of their power over me as long as I keep telling myself that at least some part of my thinking is not being influenced entirely by me, but by some other, identifiable force.

I'm not sure if that made sense ... it's late and I'm really tired and I've been a little out of it lately, but I hope it does. Take care of yourself, Berries. You are a good, decent, kind person and you do not deserve to suffer this way.

YES Justfloating, It makes sense. It is very wise and kind. And I think it applies to every single one of us here. Thank you.

[Fuzzybear]

absolutely agree
the "voices" do NOT know you