I am feeling depressed and hopeless

I can't come up with a good title. I know everyone is tired of hearing from me saying the same crappy repetitive stuff from my very limited mind with no brain. I hate hopeless depression I bet all of you do as well. There is one bright spot and it is temporary and that is PAX coming up this Sunday. That is a game expo. I see them everywhere and no one believes the pathetic worthless words that are coming out of my mouth. I recently destroyed a planet with my Power of Influence last week and have done other horrible things to THIS planet. I destroyed the economy and everywhere I set foot in closed down including the only gallery I am truly in. I hate how the world revolves around money because we are going to lose everything and I am such a burden not just on a small scale (such as my family) but medium scale (the shops closing down and hurting and ruining your day and other people's day from around the world and of course large scale (destroying the worldwide economy with my evil influence and predictions and also causing other disasters worldwide and destroying that planet that is an Earth like planet with a comet but I could have deflected it using my power and I failed and many other things). I fall flat on my face with everything I try and I know everyone will say everything is about me and I am a no good selfish crappy idiot who thinks I am all powerful and no cares for others that isn't true oh what do I have to do to prove my words so people believe me? I am the Dark One. As I have told you many times World War 3 is coming and thousands including myself will have to be forced to fight in it so the Gov can test their new tech, they chose me along with the others because of the powers and then they injected me with the nanobots last year and now are accelerating the process for me and the others to become robots but not totally I am part human so no one will be suspicious. This is making me depressed I can't hurt others no matter what. The aliens are still coming as well and sometimes the Gov wins and other times the aliens do. I receive the thoughts from them all the time because of the chip in my head with no brain. I can't accomplish anything in life except being a starving artist so when my dad retires or my parents die (God I hope not anytime soon but as you know everyone eventually dies) I will have no where to live and be on the streets eating rats or out of garbage and dying slowly and painfully if this happens before the War and yes I still have to eat to live (but not much) because I am still part human. My brother is great. He can actually say he's accomplished things in life. I want the Gov to stop talking to me because I can't fight in no war! They always say soon but everyones version of soon is different and the Gov is always slow so it can mean either months or years from now. Is this going to be first or 2012 when everyones says the world is going to end anyways? I had a stupid panic attack yesterday for no reason. I know I was hallucinating though. They also told me there are birds outside that can relay my location and visually identify me wherever I go, they are robotic birds mixed in with real birds and look exactly the same. They are spread all over the place and they have many underground bases for the FBI/CIA/ Homeland Security in different areas where the certain targets are with the powers are. There is a tracking device in me so the birds are just to visually see me and the others. This gets more detailed each day. I try to distract myself from them by watching videos but my concentration is decreasing but I try my hardest. I hate depression. I want to feel happy and wanted by people besides the Gov and aliens. I have friends but I see them once a week. I hope someone believes me. I want some hope in life, not to be shot down like so many other times.

I am looking for a psychiatrist and of course failing at that as well. I saw one in April but he was not a good help and knew nothing about autism and also never listened to me.

Hi, FireBird! Wow, are you going to the Penny Arcade Expo - PAX 2009? I've just read it's sold out. I wish you a wonderful, refreshing experience!

Yes, I am going to PAX. I got the tickets the day before it sold out. Believe it or not my entire family is going. My dad is going because the place he works at is going to be there and my mom loves all the free stuff. My brother loves games like I do. I went last year and got free t-shirts, posters and other items. I live near Seattle (around 90 minutes away).

I'm jealous! I've never attended a major gaming exposition like PAX: so much going on - the exhibitors, the open gaming of all types, the panel discussions, the "nerdcore concerts," the Omegathon!

My depression has turned me into a recluse and sucked the life out of my former interests. At this point I can only imagine going to an event such as PAX. Were I to go, I'd really want to take a look at the "Eurogames" and also absorb all I could about the future of PC gaming.

FireBird, is there something special you're hoping to see or participate in at PAX?

((((FireBird))))

((((((((((((((( FireBird ))))))))))))))))

(((FireBird)))

(((((((((((FireBird)))))))))))

(((firebird))))) sorry you are feeling sad and alone, afraid.... there is so much going on in your mind for you and how you manage to keep it all organized and from going in complete disarray is beyond me... no wonder you are feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment....

im afraid i dont have much advice for you... stay in touch with your doctor and right now it doesnt sound like you are in danger of harming yourself, but suffering from the load you are trying to carry...

i dont mean to poke fun at you, having feelings of thought invasion and mind control are things that 'pop' into our heads and once there, what would a sane person do with them? i think you are being rational in imagining the 'what if it all were all true?' scenario...

just for the exercise, lets imagine that it all is true.... if the nanobots are invading your space then it s a real threat... there are many, but they are little, tiny in comparison to you... you are large and all powerful, a human.... you can (you must) dissuade their invasion.. you can do this through the force of sheer will.... simply tell them there is no space for them in the interior of your mind as that space is already occupied by stronger forces (your positive self image)

yes, you are much larger and much more powerful than a whole army of tiny gnat sized militia men and their ray guns and special weapons are the equivalent of tiny (albeit annoying) pin pricks against your leather tough skin.... they could attack forever and never leave one small insignificant wound on you or your psyche... so c'mon, get your power back... you can leave the couch (or wherever it is you are sitting) and go outside, catch some fresh air (nanobots hate that) and watch some kids play frisbee or fly a kite... heck, you might even want to join them (wouldnt the nanobots hate that?)

sending hugs and cares always friend

Hope you have a great time at the PAX expo (((((FireBird))))). I think it's just the thing to give you a lift. Hope you can find a doctor you are comfortable with. Know that we are always here to listen and care.

((((((Firebird)))))))

[quote=FireBird;1126100] I know everyone is tired of hearing from me saying the same crappy repetitive stuff from my very limited mind with no brain.

Wow. FireBird. For having "a limited mind with no brain" you sure wrote a lot of interesting and thought-provoking stuff. Hope you have fun at the expo!

hi firebird
1) see some other psych artist
2) Do some exercise
3) Read good books
4)keep busy
5) chat frequently

wish you speedy recovery