[Berries]

I am getting scared. I am sinking so low. Down and down and down and down spiraling into the drain.

I texted T twice. Once yesterday and once today--nada response.

I feel like I might need the hospital. But I can't go there. I have OCD germ phobia and the two don't mix.

There doesn't seem to be any safe place for me to be right now.

My mom and I live together and her parents are visiting. So, they have invaded my home. I am in my room with the door shut and am hoping they leave me alone.

I just want to sleep. So I am taking extra (unathorized) of my meds. I hope they kick in soon.

I don't want to be this way. And I want my head to shut up with it's usual litany.

I feel like screaming HELP!!!!!! But I don't know what would help or who to scream it to.

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by Berries

I am getting scared. I am sinking so low. Down and down and down and down spiraling into the drain.

I texted T twice. Once yesterday and once today--nada response.

I feel like I might need the hospital. But I can't go there. I have OCD germ phobia and the two don't mix.

There doesn't seem to be any safe place for me to be right now.

My mom and I live together and her parents are visiting. So, they have invaded my home. I am in my room with the door shut and am hoping they leave me alone.

I just want to sleep. So I am taking extra (unathorized) of my meds. I hope they kick in soon.

I don't want to be this way. And I want my head to shut up with it's usual litany.

I feel like screaming HELP!!!!!! But I don't know what would help or who to scream it to.

Our illnesses so suck, why can't they leave us alone. Sorry you are going through this. Be careful taking extra meds. I to have been on a downer. Not sure what to do about it. I guess we try to make it through today and work on tomorrow tomorrow. Sorry I have no answers or ideas as my mind is a fog also. Hugs for your day.

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((((( Berries )))))))))))))))

I am sorry that you are feeling this way, I dont have any wise advice but I am sending you some hugs. Be gentle with yourself.

[Rohag]

Screaming. Let me tell you about my screaming—not as advice but simply as information you can file wherever.

I involuntarily scream at the top of my lungs several times a day, some days more, some days less. I don't feel particularly down beforehand, and I don't feel particularly down (or up) afterwards. These spontaneous screams just happen. Why? I don't know, and neither do the doctors. Maybe they're an expression of my depression, maybe they're related to my curious neurology, and maybe both.

Regardless of the source(s) of the screaming, I speculate it serves to disperse unfelt but real tension. In short, the screaming serves a purpose. “A primordial, blood-curdling scream a day keeps the psych ward at bay.” Well, so far...

Berries, you're distressed, trapped, and isolated where you are. Here you're free and counted a joy. May you find a spot outside cyberspace that conforms to your needs and where you alone govern.

[Lost71]

((((Berries)))) I'm sorry your T didn't respond. I wish I had some advice for you but all I can say is please hang in there, know we do care, and please be careful about taking extra meds.

Hugs and wishes for things to get better for you soon, friend.

[trevorzero]

Your T can only do so much.

I would like to see you open yourself up to having more friends in the real world so you can call them when you need someone to connect to. There are many people here who would enjoy being your real world friend.

[justfloating]

((((((((Berries))))))))))


I have no words to express how sorry I am that things have gotten so bad. But I do know how you feel and how terrifying a place you're in right now. If you're feeling unsafe, it might be worth mentioning to your mother so she can at least keep an eye on you. I'm sorry you can't reach your T at the moment -- keep trying, and in the meantime if you feel you need someone to talk to RIGHT NOW, maybe you could try your local suicide hotline? That way you'll at least be able to talk it out, which might make you feel a little bit better.

Please do whatever you have to to take care of yourself. You are important to us here and we all want you to be well and safe. Sending you lots of hugs.

[lynn09]

Sorry to hear that you are still struggling so (((((Berries))))). Please be cautious with the extra meds - sometimes extra can make things worse instead of better. As you well know, you can always scream here and we'll listen. Do whatever is necessary to take good care of yourself, please.

[Berries]

*screams* help!!!!!!!

[Seabirdanne]

Originally Posted by Berries

*screams* help!!!!!!!

Berries, I see you're offline now, but I hope you post something as soon as you get back on so we know you're okay.

[lynn09]

Originally Posted by Berries

*screams* help!!!!!!!

Yep - heard that loud and clear ((((((((((Berries)))))))))).

[Berries]

Originally Posted by Seabirdanne

Berries, I see you're offline now, but I hope you post something as soon as you get back on so we know you're okay.

I'm ok very distrssed i reached out and texted my t today
my t texed back & said--
' is it time for the hospital?" I texted back-- "no" and havent heard from him since.

[Tumnus]

Originally Posted by Berries

I'm ok very distrssed i reached out and texted my t today
my t texed back & said--
' is it time for the hospital?" I texted back-- "no" and havent heard from him since.

would you ever text "yes"?

[depressedalaskan]

((((Berries)))) Sorry you are so down, know that I understand and care. Take care of yourself, even if you have to go to the hospital - I know not something you want to do but if it will help. Good luck my friend, hugs to you.

[Berries]

Originally Posted by Tumnus

would you ever text "yes"?

Actually, I kind of wanted to text "yes".

but I was too tired to go through what it would take to get from my bed to the hospital.

And my grandparents are visiting.

And it would upset my mom, who I live with, if I had to go to the hostpital.

And my germ phobia would be counterproductive in a hospital setting.

But if I felt like it was the hospital or death--no matter what, Id have text "yes".

[Berries]

Originally Posted by Berries

I'm ok very distrssed i reached out and texted my t today
my t texed back & said--
' is it time for the hospital?" I texted back-- "no" and havent heard from him since.

Am I out of line?

I am hurt that my T just left me hanging after I said "no" to the hospital.

I just wish he had texted back and offered a short phone call. Or at least texted back and said, well if things change and you aren't safe let me know.

But to just get back NOTHING hurts.

Am I being a needy, selfish person. I know he has his own life and other patients. Am I expecting too much? Am I just being a big baby??????

[Lost71]

Originally Posted by Berries

Am I out of line?

I am hurt that my T just left me hanging after I said "no" to the hospital.

I just wish he had texted back and offered a short phone call. Or at least texted back and said, well if things change and you aren't safe let me know.

But to just get back NOTHING hurts.

Am I being a needy, selfish person. I know he has his own life and other patients. Am I expecting too much? Am I just being a big baby??????

No, Berries, you are not being needy, selfish, a big baby or anything else you may think just now over this. It was wrong of your T to not ar least text you back or give you a quick phone call. Sometimes...and a T of all people should know this...a person needs a little reassurance before finall feeling safe enough to say yes to hospital, sometimes a person just needs to know they matter and their T does see them as a human being and not just another patient or a case file, and a T should also know that sometimes when a person is in a bad place being ignored by their own T hurts!

I'm sorry I have no more advice or words for you except please hang in there, do whatever you can to keep you safe.

Also, please never forget we are all here for you and we all care about you, friend!

Hugs and wishes for you ((Berries)) xox

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by Berries

Actually, I kind of wanted to text "yes".

but I was too tired to go through what it would take to get from my bed to the hospital.

And my grandparents are visiting.

And it would upset my mom, who I live with, if I had to go to the hostpital.

And my germ phobia would be counterproductive in a hospital setting.

But if I felt like it was the hospital or death--no matter what, Id have text "yes".

(((Berries))) Remember this when you are feeling down. Berries first. Take care of you. Others come second to your health. Hugs for your day.

[turquoisesea]

You're not a big baby. You're clinging to what you feel you need, what you desperately want, and what you feel should be available to you.

Don't be afraid to text the T/communicate in some way and ASK for what you want. Be upfront about it. "I would appreciate it if you would talk to me for a bit because I'm really upset" etc.

T's don't tend to call you as much as answer your calls... you're right, they have a life, other patients, and also they aren't psychic so I think we have to help them out a bit by letting them know what we FEEL, NEED , and HOPE for.

Please stay safe, how are you feeling today? I didn't see this post earlier, so extra hugs for you, wishing you well

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( Berries )))))))))))))))))))