[LandingSanely]

I have been told as of late by someone that I have a very sad face. I have seen pictures people have taken of me and I was surprised how sad I looked. I am feeling very depressed but can do many things that I normally do when I am less or not depressed. I can laugh. I can exercise - almost nothing other than sheer physical fatigue stop me from exercising - I am a bit obsessed about exercise. I eat reasonably well - although right now I am drinking far more coffee, drinking some alcohol (which is uncommon for me) and eating more junk food - but overall I am eating reasonably well.

But I can't smile. I can pull the corners of my mouth up but it does not look natural at all- I think because my eyes cannot smile. I am teaching, and know I look rather dreadful.

I have had people talk about being happy and something common I have heard is to always remember it could be worse. I can list many ways it could be worse in my life - but that does not make me happier right now. That approach has worked with some limited success - but right now the fact there are not more negatives does not add any degree of happiness to my life, its the fact that so many positives are missing. I cannot smile just because I do not have Goodpasture's disease or something.

I want to smile, in large part for the social effect - but my smile feels and looks bizarre. It does not look like a smile nor feel like a smile.

[Naturefreak]

LandingSanely ,
What would you say is causing this?
I don't know of any smiling courses , I think it just comes natural.
I'm guessing you're not happy .
I have a hard time with smiling also , a couple of teeth missing.
The most important thing is to find joy and happiness in your life,
if you have that , and your smile still looks bizarre , that's great ,
just think of all the other people that will smile because of it.
Good luck with the smile .
You made me smile and I bet my smile is more bizarre than yours. Hugs

[depressedalaskan]

(((((LandingSanely)))))

[LandingSanely]

I would not mind if my smile or sad affect made people laugh or smile, but I know it kind of weird people out. It does not look right. I find things funny but can't find the mood that lends itself to a smile.

I find some moods are similar. And I sometimes find it hard to have the situation appropriate mood, if that makes any sense. But I am not sure of an emotion that mimics the mood that creates smiles - I want to substitute something that looks like a natural smile for my lack of a real smile - does that make any sense. Because just pulling up the corners of my mouth looks... creepy.... disturbing...???

[justfloating]

(((((((LandingSanely))))))))

A while back, once my meds and therapy kicked in and I started feeling better, my counsellor told me she could tell I was feeling better just by looking at me. I said I didn't think I looked any different than before, so she did an imitation of me when I first came into her office, then one of how I looked better. She told me that when I walked into her office that very first time, she knew before I said anything that I was depressed. My shoulders were slumped, I wouldn't make eye contact, I spoke quietly and often drifted off mid-sentence to stare off into space. I rarely smiled, and if I did, it was like you, where it never really touched my eyes and looked extremely forced even if it was meant to be genuine. When she did the imitation, it was an eye-opener! And here I was, thinking that I'd been hiding my depression so well, when the world could probably tell something was wrong just by looking at me!

I don't think you can make a smile touch your eyes unless you're genuinely happy. That's just my opinion; I'm sure there are some great actors out there who can do it. But there are other ways of expressing happiness/disguising unhappiness, such as keeping your eyes up when you're talking to people, or even just walking. Eyes up, shoulders back ... with a straight posture you give the impression of confidence and security. Speak clearly, make a joke here or there, and spend a little time thinking of something that really does make you happy -- despite how you're feeling -- which may prompt the occasional random smile (which feels SO good for people like us who can't smile very often!)

Good luck.

[FeelingHopeful]

I cant smile much either now. Hoping you are ok a d a smile finds its way for you.

[lynn09]

Originally Posted by LandingSanely

But I am not sure of an emotion that mimics the mood that creates smiles - I want to substitute something that looks like a natural smile for my lack of a real smile - does that make any sense. Because just pulling up the corners of my mouth looks... creepy.... disturbing...???

It makes sense - you feel like you must look like the "Joker" when you have to fake a smile - and I don't know of a substitute emotion that mimics the mood. I hope you can find a real reason to smile genuinely soon - faking it requires so much energy that you just don't have to spare when you're depressed. Hang in there and know that a lot of us here really do understand - we've been there and some of us are right there with you now. Hoping for better days ahead for you.

[Berries]

((((((((((LandingSanely))))))))))

I understand. I can't "fake" a smile either. And I have a college degree in theatre!!!
I think the only trick for those of us who can't fake it, is to work on being genuinely happy and then the smile will just come along with it.

Do you have a therapist? Are you on any meds for depression? Those two might help.

Best Wishes!

[Rohag]

Hi, LandingSanely! Other thoughts to add to the collection above: Might you be able to approximate the social effects you seek through

• voice modulation?
• humor of a certain type?

Even though I've learned or taught myself how to act happy, I rarely smile. Beyond that, I personally find that whatever psychic boost I may get as a result of acting happy or attempting to smile either backfires or has an exceedingly fleeting effect.

Wishing you true happiness, no matter how you express it.

[trevorzero]

I never laugh or smile because I WANT people to know that I'm depressed. I've been laboring under the delusion that people in the real world might possibly want to help me if they realize that I'm habitually sad. But no one ever does want to help me, so I know I should try to get out from under my unrealistic expectations.

[idontknow13]

(((((LandingSanely)))))
I can identify with what you wrote, I dont smile much and most co-workers used to tell me I looked angry which I was'nt, one of my daughters has the same problem.
For the last 6 months I have not smiled but this week I have been able to since I feel better and I am hoping that I will be smiling more as I make changes in order to feel good about myself and maybe my smile will reach my eyes and maybe make others smile, that is what I wish for you also