communication

I talk and people run.
I talk and people become angry.
I talk and everything goes wrong.

I'm always going to be alone; loveless and friendless.

I'm trapped in this mind, with these thoughts, with this process - I am who I am and it's never been acceptable to others.

My head hurts from the pain of it, from trying to think it out and find a way to communicate. I cannot.

How can I ever possibly love myself and my life when I am doomed to be alone for being me?

If I say the sky is blue - someone will find fault in it. If I say you should play in the street - someone will find fault in it. I posted on another forum that I should have bought a different camera and for the life of me I could not make this person understand why, though I explained it quite clearly.

My mother always said that I was an early talker. Perhaps I have always been this way - always saying stupid things, always saying the wrong thing. Perhaps this is why she hated me so much.

I can't love me when the whole world is repulsed by me and hates me. I can't love me when I drive everyone away without them ever wanting to know me.

I hate my life and I hate that I always try and fail. I hate being me.

(((((((((((((((((Kalamity)))))))))))))))

I'm sorry your feeling down right now. We are here for you.

Hey I got this problem too. My husband has friends from his unit. We go out to some one's "trailer." Two of his military buddies were there. So I talked and pissed them both off. One guy I made mad was his best friend from active duty. All I ever heard was how great this guy was. And stupid me tried to hold an intelligent conversation with an idiot. All jock and no brain. I called him a *****. Should I be offended because this male ***** is trying to hang out with my husband? I unintentionally made him mad. They haven't hung out sense. I should feel bad cause I made my husband loose a friend. However married with kids don't need to hang out with divorced and no kids male *****. So I did myself a favor telling him how I felt. Sorry but my husband don't need any friends like that. The other guy I made mad was cause I told him to stop whining about life. I could not help it. He is old enough to go to war but not old enough to deal with his parents divorce. There's more to it then that but I don't want to go into it. I was not mean just honest. You cant hate every one in life because your dad (male *****) is leaving your Mom. See my point I was trying to make is, he is so disturb that his dad is a ***** yet he is letting his sister (female *****) who has a ten week old baby sleep with a guy who is married and that she just met. Hence not the father. So I told him to find better friends and stop complaining about life. Oh yeah and tell his sister to stop acting like a *****. Yeah I'm very out spoken and direct. But I don't need trashy people interfering with my life. My husband has poor judgment in friends. His excuses for the type of people we were around. In war you don't care who sleeping with who. As long as they got your back. Well, whatever. I'm not exposing my husband or child to trashy people. So they hate me. I'm the talk of the unit. Oh don't go around his wife she has a big mouth. Ha. I don't care if they don't like me. You should be the same way find someone who talks as much as you. Your not always going to be alone unless you make it that away. In this world there are so many different types of people you are bound to find some who will love you and listen. Don't let the world beat you up. Funny thing I recently learned. If you think happy thoughts it will come true it's a proven fact. Not urban legend. You just have to know that there is a difference in pretending and convincing. You need to convince your self that the people around you who are running the other way are just negative people. Find positive people to surround yourself with.

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Hey I got this problem too. My husband has friends from his unit. We go out to some one's "trailer." Two of his military buddies were there. So I talked and pissed them both off. One guy I made mad was his best friend from active duty. All I ever heard was how great this guy was. And stupid me tried to hold an intelligent conversation with an idiot. All jock and no brain. I called him a *****. Should I be offended because this male ***** is trying to hang out with my husband? I unintentionally made him mad. They haven't hung out sense. I should feel bad cause I made my husband loose a friend. However married with kids don't need to hang out with divorced and no kids male *****. So I did myself a favor telling him how I felt. Sorry but my husband don't need any friends like that. The other guy I made mad was cause I told him to stop whining about life. I could not help it. He is old enough to go to war but not old enough to deal with his parents divorce. There's more to it then that but I don't want to go into it. I was not mean just honest. You cant hate every one in life because your dad (male *****) is leaving your Mom. See my point I was trying to make is, he is so disturb that his dad is a ***** yet he is letting his sister (female *****) who has a ten week old baby sleep with a guy who is married and that she just met. Hence not the father. So I told him to find better friends and stop complaining about life. Oh yeah and tell his sister to stop acting like a *****. Yeah I'm very out spoken and direct. But I don't need trashy people interfering with my life. My husband has poor judgment in friends. His excuses for the type of people we were around. In war you don't care who sleeping with who. As long as they got your back. Well, whatever. I'm not exposing my husband or child to trashy people. So they hate me. I'm the talk of the unit. Oh don't go around his wife she has a big mouth. Ha. I don't care if they don't like me. You should be the same way find someone who talks as much as you. Your not always going to be alone unless you make it that away. In this world there are so many different types of people you are bound to find some who will love you and listen. Don't let the world beat you up. Funny thing I recently learned. If you think happy thoughts it will come true it's a proven fact. Not urban legend. You just have to know that there is a difference in pretending and convincing. You need to convince your self that the people around you who are running the other way are just negative people. Find positive people to surround yourself with.

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Our situations are worlds apart.

I don't hang out with anyone. There are no people to hang out with. There are no friends, no acquaintances, no family, nothing.

In four years on dozens of forums I have had the same problem and it's not because the thousands of people on all these forums over the years are all negative or are all *****s.

Kalamity -- I really think that things can get better for you.

Have you ever taken a class in Interpersonal Communication? If this fits into your program of study, it is a good place to learn communication strategies.

Now, mind you, I am a good deal older than you, and I have a good deal of study under my belt about communication, and I still manage to tick people off all the time.

Because I am a people pleaser, I often feel quite hurt about this and angry with myself.

Recognizing that I am a people pleaser also means that I can recognize tht some of these feelings are distortions of what's actually happened. My AA sponsors and Ts and other mentors also have helped me to see that people's responses to me often are [b]about their stuff[/i] and were not my fault.

Being young can be very challenging. Things will change. Indeed, the one thing that we can be sure of in life is that , "This too shall pass."

((((((((((((((((kalamity))))))))))))))))))))))

WOW!!! How did you get inside my brain? That is my life you're talking about, except the mother hating part. Everything else is dead on, although I've been able to make a 'couple' of friends here. Are we sisters separated at birth? I'm sorry you're dealing with this too. Believe me, I know the pain it brings to be rejected by the world. I'm right there with you. I really wish things were different for you and that I could offer you some advice, but since I'm dealing with the same thing, I don't know the answers either. All I can tell you is that you're not alone, I'm here and I understand. Send me a PM any time if you want to talk. It'll probably be the only one I get.

(((((((((((((((( Kalamity ))))))))))))))

I was trying to show that all people can have some communication problems with the people around them. My story was an example. I too have the problem of opening my mouth and making people run away. I added the story just as a good laugh. I don't feel there was a need to quote me. The forums are set up for people to find other people with similar problems. Or to find relief in every day life. I'm not here to be hurtful. And yeah there is a lot of communality's between what you wrote and my life. However I choose not to allow people to offend me. See I was rejected by my husbands friends. Instead of letting it get to me. I was not going to be hurt. I saw the up sides to being disliked. Sorry you think you are the only one having these issue's. But you truly are not.

Sorry for the delay in replying. I've been struggling and ... *shrug*

Someone asked a question. I gave an answer. They don't like my answer so they try to make out like I said something wrong. I try to apologize if I was not clear. Somewhere I stupidly comment on something about myself to which the person implies that I'm a liar. I take it to PM to try and discuss it but they ignore what I state and basically want me to prove myself. I decide I'm done with their desire to label me a liar. I turn off my PM box. Guess what they do next. They POST the matter publically. They ask everyone to answer the question that I was supposed to answer and chose not to - a question better left to professionals to answer.

To me, that person was not only calling me a liar but trying to demonstrate to everyone else that I'm a liar. They were trying to humiliate me. And yes, it hurts. It hurts deep that anyone can be so overconcerned with something I say that they have to seek to publicly defame and humiliate me. I am not a liar. My demeanor betrays me. My mental health betrays me. My vocabulary betrays me. They never even considered that I might not even feel confident enough to believe it myself, that maybe I haven't questioned professionals about the very thing myself. I'm not a liar. No matter how much I doubt myself, I am NOT a liar.

Sorry.

W2F - I'm actually taking an Interpersonal Communications class when classes start up again in the fall. I chose it for the needed credit and because I know that of the choices that one will be of most benefit to me personally.

Angel - I've always wanted a sister that wasn't evil, good to know I have one.

Chris - what you don't get is that I have no husband or family, family friends, spouses friends, friends of my own. My only social interactions are online and they fail miserably. I did not chose for someone to call me a liar because they don't want me to be what I am. I did not chose to be called stupid by more experienced photographers. I do not chose to have people ignore me and leave me. In four years no one has chosen to be my friend and I have had no choice in who is or isn't my friend. There is no to talk to on the phone. There is no one to write to. There is no one to email. My life is devoid of companionship and friendship. I see no upside to spending my life forever alone. I do not mean to diminish your own issue, I just don't see it as being all that similar. I have now only repeated what I have stated before - will you understand it this time or will chose to dismiss me as being no good?

Sorry again. Thank you so much for the replies.

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I was trying to show that all people can have some communication problems with the people around them. My story was an example. I too have the problem of opening my mouth and making people run away. I added the story just as a good laugh. I don't feel there was a need to quote me. The forums are set up for people to find other people with similar problems. Or to find relief in every day life. I'm not here to be hurtful. And yeah there is a lot of communality's between what you wrote and my life. However I choose not to allow people to offend me. See I was rejected by my husbands friends. Instead of letting it get to me. I was not going to be hurt. I saw the up sides to being disliked. Sorry you think you are the only one having these issue's. But you truly are not.

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I just wanted to add that I habor no ill will towards you. I hope you don't read anything personal into my comments.

I quote for clarity, even if of benefit only to myself.