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Oct 13, 2009 at 04:29 PM
#1
yesterday, around 3am, i was drinking beers with my not-close friend and accidentally met this 3 persons on the street. we talked for like 5 seconds, and they actually called me names already, names that is very sensitive to me which i've been getting it since i was in junior high, i was mocked by them, bullied by them, and we dont even know each others! they were laughing, they think its only a joke but it wasn't a joke to me at all! my friend cant do anything about it too cause yeah it is who or what i am, i wont deny it, the names described me a lot. i was really pissed, angry, but i cant do anything about it. i drove myself home like a freak and i am a freak, drunk, speeding, talking to myself, screaming to nothing, negative thoughts, urge to kill. perhaps someone will say "then dont listen to them!", i cant, i heard what they said, i just wish people would never called me that names ever again, cause i dont know how much longer i can take it, im afraid one day im going insane and do 'something' about it
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 ADHD1956
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Legendary
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Oct 13, 2009 at 05:00 PM
#2
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue..."
I'm sorry this happened and keeps on happening to you, Perfectsilence. Maybe those over-aged adolescents thought it was only a joke, or perhaps they did mean to hurt you. You swallowed the hurt and, thankfully, made it back to a place where you could pour a small portion of that hurt into your above post. Thank you for bringing yourself and your post to us. Too often throughout my life bullies have found me a compliant target. My best defense has been to not be available to them. My second best defense is to not let them see the hurt they're inflicting on me. But their damage remains. I'm angry at them for their cruelty, and I'm angry at myself for being too easy a target. You know yourself best, Perfectsilence. Reach into your reserves of resistance and wisdom. May you find healing and defenses against these creatures. 
__________________ My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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Anonymous323214
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Wisest Elder Ever
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Oct 13, 2009 at 09:58 PM
#3
((((((((((((( perfectsilence ))))))))))))))
__________________ 
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Anonymous323214
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feeling very alone
Member Since Jun 2007
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Oct 13, 2009 at 10:16 PM
#4
((((((((perfect))))))))))
__________________ It is a miracle that I have survived thus far and I strive to help others see miracles in every day life.
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Anonymous323214
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Wise Elder
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Oct 13, 2009 at 10:19 PM
#5
I'm sorry this happened to you
Please try to be safe with drunk driving, PLEASE  Bullies are horrible, it's very hard to have the self confidence to win against them. __________________  Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
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Anonymous323214
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Wise Elder
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Oct 13, 2009 at 10:58 PM
#6
Bullies Suck!!!!
I'm sorry you had to face them.
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Anonymous323214
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Member
Member Since Oct 2009
Location: USA
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Oct 13, 2009 at 11:12 PM
#7
I'm so sorry this happened to you perfectsilence!
 Rohag, I know exactly where you're coming from too 'cause I dealt with bullies the first 9 years of my cognitive thinking life. Since kindergarten I've dealt with a-holes calling me names and just brutally verbally abusing me. I've since forgiven them, but bullying always gets hard. If someone calls me one of those old names or ridicules me in the same way, it triggers self-destructive thoughts in my mind.I've also driven home in a not-so-sober state recently. I wasn't planning on drinking much, but I did and I was lucky to make it home without committing any traffic infractions. It does get tough my dear, but believe me we can get through it! Don't believe what your mind is telling you (that those nasty things are true). We should both try to rise above those voices and stay strong! We're all here for you. 
__________________  "I don't know why you love meAnd that's why I love you You catch me when I fall Accept me flaws and all And that's why I love you." -- Beyoncé Knowles, "Flaws and All" |
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Anonymous323214, Rohag
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Oct 15, 2009 at 11:12 AM
#8
Thanks everybody for your support. ya bullies suck and horrible, and yea i always try to be safe-drunkdriving. i understand what you wrote Rohag, and this, "Maybe those over-aged adolescents thought it was only a joke, or perhaps they did mean to hurt you.", sometimes i see through their eyes, they're acted like they're joking but somehow i do know inside their heart they really mean it and it pleasures them.
One time, about 2 years ago, i met this girl she's my friend's friend, we all go out that night. i was driving, drunk, we were just talking, suddenly she called me a name out of nowhere and i see her eyes i see it she really mean it. i get angry real fast, i punch my car's windshield within seconds and it actually cracked. I pissed at her, she's crying said sorry & everything. I told her it doesnt have to be like this if she control her mouth, its very sensitive for some people including me. I could've just do something about what happened 2 days ago, but i thought i just wanna drink at the time, it turns out i get really angry thinking about it. i should've do something |
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Oct 15, 2009 at 06:33 PM
#9
Just to say that it happens to me too NOT to be able to "just don't listen". I always take it very personally, even for small offenses. And I groom about "I should have done/said". Just to relate...
May I say something? Don't trust blindly about what you see or read in ther eyes... when one is upset and angry perception may be unreliable. Just a would-be wise opinion from one who is not able to be wise. Good luck |
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Anonymous323214, lonegael
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Grand Member
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Oct 16, 2009 at 04:15 PM
#10
There will always be jerks in the world, so the challenge for you is to rise above them. Otherwise they will ALWAYS have power over you.
When someone taunts you, just go blank inside. Turn off all your emotions. Be empty. Clear out all the thoughts from your head. When the jerks realize that you have absolutely no emotional response to them, then they will respect you for it. __________________ The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The Beginning 
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Anonymous323214
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Veteran Member
Member Since Sep 2009
Posts: 369
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Oct 16, 2009 at 06:08 PM
#11
Quote:
Hang in there, know the things they say are not true. When you drink, call a cab, call a friend, catch a bus. Please be safe!
__________________ I am not a medical or mental health professional, nor do I play one on TV, I just talk kinda like one! Blessed are the cracked for they let in the light! They say I have A.D.D. but I think they are full off...  Oh look! A CHICKEN! Be careful how you look at the world, it may look back!  How do you want to be seen? |
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Anonymous323214
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Magnate
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Oct 16, 2009 at 06:36 PM
#12
(((((((perfectsilence)))))))
I'm sorry that happened to you. And I pity those who called you names. They must be incredibly insecure to find it necessary to ridicule others to build themselves up. I know it hurts. Here are some extra special hugs--  __________________ I love your faults because they are part of you and I love you. --my BFF [center][b][color=#92d050][font=Verdana] |
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Anonymous323214
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Grand Magnate
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Oct 17, 2009 at 03:35 AM
#13
Bullies are very good at what they do best, causing pain, so no doubt the people who say these things know exactly what they are doing, and te "only joking" line is meant to put it all on you again. Your anger is correct. It would be good if you can practice keeping the fault where it belongs, and that is at them, and make sure that you don't take on so much of what they say so that you end up punishing yourself. That is exactly what they are hoping you will do. I won't try to tell you exactly how to do that, since everyone has to work out something that's true to them. I do know it has taken me years to manage this when I am NOT depressed, and that it is very hard to do when I am. Hugs, perfect silence, and please, for yourself and others, don't drive if you've been drinking. I shiver to think what might happen to you
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Anonymous323214
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