[larakeziah]

I went to see my pdoc for first time on friday and I really didn't like him!!!! I could barley understand him and he could barely understand me!!! He asked me lots of questions about my family life and growing up. like how many brothers and sisters i have and he just didn't get the fact that even though I have 2 half brothers, 1 from my mum and 1 from my dad that they were my real brothers, he kept saying 'so you have 3 brothers?' and i was like 'no i have 5!!!' it really annoyed me and he laughed and thought it funny that my dad has married a man!!! I don't find this a laughing matter!!!
I kept trying to explain my moods to him, that sometimes i'm over elated and can't concentrate and have racing thoughts, but he just wasn't listening. He asked if there was any one in the family with depression and I told him I didn't know and so kept asking where, if no one else in the family had committed suicide, had I got the idea from!!! and he blamed my depression on my parents divorce and my Dad marrying a man!!! I know that this hasn't been easy but its not the reason why i'm depressed!! I couldn't tell him about the CSA because I felt so uncomfortable and now he thinks i'm just a waste of space, depressed for not a good enough reason!!! The thing is now I don't wanna go back to see him because he just doesn't listen! Noone listens!!!! I can't get through to ppl what is going on in my head!!! they just don't seem to get the fact that i'm not always down and depressed but my mood changes so often its so unpredictable!!! It can change from week to week. sometimes i can be depressed for weeks and then all of a sudden it can change and I have so much energy and I don't sleep and I can't think or concentrate on normal conversation and talk rapidly about nonsense!!

I'm emotionally, mentally and physically tired!!! but no one seems to listen and now i'm fed up and just can't be bothered!! I've lost my best friend, she don't seem to wanna know me any more and a friend who seemed to want to help me and said she'd listen if I needed to chat, doesn't actually seem to want to!!
So here I am with no one sorry for the ranting I am just so frustrated that i needed to get it all out. Thanks for reading!

[googley]

That sounds awful. I'm so sorry that you had such an awful experience with your Pdoc. You have every right to be upset. If that had happened to me I would have been furious. I did stop seeing a Pdoc once because of the inconsiderate things he said. Do you have any ability to find someone else? Can you change? I wouldn't go back. I hope you can change doctors. Do you have a T who could help you find someone else and talk about this with?

Take care of yourself!

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by larakeziah

I couldn't tell him about the CSA because I felt so uncomfortable...

This is serious. The pdoc will not be able to understand you without learning what you endured. If you are uncomfortable telling him, then finding someone whom you can trust is a priority. I hate dealing with bureaucracies of any kind, including medical bureaucracies, but this is a case where you may have to appeal to those who manage the system in order to secure a real, healing therapeutic relationship.

LaraKezia, keep posting, keep pouring out your frustration here. We'll be reading.

[onlymedid]

I agree, you need to find someone that will listen to you and not laugh at things that are not funny.
I'm sorry you are dealing with a pdoc that clearly isn't getting it!

[BlueOak]

It must be incredibly frustrating to go on a first appointment to a psychiatrist, who you think is going to be able to understand and help you, and to run into someone like that instead, someone who imposes his ideas on you and listens without really hearing. I once went to someone like that. After two visits I knew I couldn't go back and so I drove an hour and a half to continue to see my old pdoc -- it was worth it to see someone who HEARD me when I spoke and who believed me if I said an event was -- or was not -- important in my life.

I agree with googley and Rohag that it is really important for you to find someone else, whatever you have to do. I know that that might be especially difficult to do when you're suffering from the symptoms of depression, but my opinion is that you'll be wasting your time if you go back to this doctor.

With your history of CSA I think you also need a therapist who has experience with adult survivors of CSA, someone you feel comfortable with who can help you to work through that terrible legacy. Maybe you already have this, I don't know. My feeling is that you need both a good pdoc and a good therapist.

As I said, I once had an experience similar to yours. It left me feeling not only frustrated, but it actually worsened my depression -- at the time it was hard to hold onto the reality that I was right and that this doc just had no clue. Most people who are depressed are full of self-doubt as it is and doctors are supposed to be experts and professional. So I really feel for you.

Good luck and let us know what happens next.

BlueOak

[larakeziah]

Thank you all for your replies!!

It really makes a difference to know that i'm not totally alone!!! I have another appointment for October 30th but my counsellor is coming sometime this week so will talk to him about the last appointment (my counsellor was there at the pdoc appointment) I'm just so angry and frustrated about this. It affected me at work that day too!! I just can't believe he could be like that!!!

Thank you all again, I'll let ya how things develop
hugs to all