People

Oct 30, 2009, 05:01 PM

Why do people feel the need to judge and criticize things that cause them no harm and are none of their business? What ever happened to keeping things to yourself if you have nothing nice to say, what good comes from disapproving or voicing a cruel opinion? Why do words string so much?

Everything else was fine today, I shouldn't let it bring me down, but it makes me feel like some ill of society just because some idiot says something. Why do opinions have to matter so much?

turquoisesea · Oct 30, 2009, 05:05 PM

((((((((Fenrir))))))))))))

I don't know what the person said to you and in what context. I know I experience this a lot where I work in food service (restaurant).

From what I can gather, some people FEEL better if they are in control and if they feel more in control or POWERful by talking down to someone it's what they do.

In some positions people regard others as someone who only exists to do work for them, not as actual PEOPLE and treat them horribly.

Sometimes people simply don't consider how their words may be taken and are overly blunt.

And sometimes people are just mean. Plain and simple.

I'm sorry it happened to you today, try not to let it get you down, if you want to talk about it, here to listen

gimmeice · Oct 30, 2009, 05:26 PM

((((((((((( Fenrir )))))))))))))))
I am sorry said something to make you feel down, sending you lots of hugs

opheliasorrow · Oct 30, 2009, 05:59 PM

((((((((((Fenrir)))))))))))

opinions only matter if you let them sweetie. These people are obviously not friends, therefore you shouldn't let them bother you. I know that is easier said than done ... but don't let them drag you down hon. I'm sorry they hurt you, please try and move on and don't dwell on their interference. Hugs, Kerry xxx

Rohag · Oct 30, 2009, 06:01 PM

Hi, Fenrir! I'm sorry you became the target of unwarranted verbal cruelty.

Some people have personalities that can easily dismiss hurtful comments. I'm not one of them. Words have left many scars on my soul. The only defense I've developed is a kind of temporary dissociation. I still end up wounded, though.

I like what Turquoisesea had to say. There are people in the world who are the only people in the world. That is, others are merely extensions of themselves, appendages of their minds to serve and amuse their own ego. I wonder if you ran into one of those types today?

Zen888 · Oct 30, 2009, 06:33 PM

People are trying to make sense of their world around them. And they base their opinions or judgements based on their own background knowledge of a subject, person, place, event, illness..etc which sometimes isn't factual or legitimate. Think of these people that make harsh or unjustified remarks towards you as people that are looking in and seeing what they want to see...not what is necessarily the truth.

And remind yourself of factual information about what you know to be 100% truthful. Then dismiss the hurtful and angry remarks that have been said to you or about you. Best way to do this is to find something that totally distracts yourself from whomever or whatever is triggering unwanted emotions or thoughts.

stefano · Oct 30, 2009, 07:18 PM

I suppose they just make the equation: "if I can hurt somebody, then I'm strong". Oh yes, opinions matter to those who are unsure about themselves

I'm sorry for what happened to you

googley · Oct 30, 2009, 07:24 PM

I hope you feel better soon. It's hard to have to stand up against cruel things that others say.

Fuzzybear · Oct 30, 2009, 09:43 PM

((((((((((((((( Fenrir ))))))))))))))))

Catherine2 · Oct 31, 2009, 12:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fenrir

Everything else was fine today, I shouldn't let it bring me down, but it makes me feel like some ill of society just because some idiot says something. Why do opinions have to matter so much?

Idiot...I'm glad you put it that way because it's exactly what they are, and their statements reflect their lack of courtesy and respect...add lack of intelligence also.

Other people's opinions don't have to matter unless we attach importance to them.
Jmo, if I respect someone then I will listen to them--if I trust them and even then I will only listen then decide if there is any value to it.

Please try not to let idiots live in your head rent free...

In Peace

ECHOES · Oct 31, 2009, 02:20 AM

What is happening is inside you, your repsonse to what you hear. We create our own meaning and tone many times.

Quote:

just because some idiot says something

and sometimes we just react and judge because we are human.

lonegael · Oct 31, 2009, 06:10 AM

((((((fenrir)))))) All the above being true, I still remember how hard it is to actually do that when one is already dealing with depression and all the lies he pitches at one. Even if one person seems to agree with him, it's hard to remember that it doesn't make the lies any more true. Hugs, and I hope this can eventually drain away and leave you feeling better

Oct 31, 2009, 10:14 AM

Thank you for the replies everyone.

I'll be okay. It just hurts, I know I should place no importance on this person's opinions or words, but it's hard not to. I should have developed a think enough skin to deflect this stuff by now but I guess to some opinions and words, I'm just vulnerable.

Berries · Oct 31, 2009, 11:08 AM

I can certainly relate, Fenir. I tend to hold on to the hurt for a long time. Even if I can't stand the person who said or did the hurtful thing, it still hurts.

Good for you for trying to not let it hurt

Merlin · Oct 31, 2009, 03:07 PM

I find if at some level we believe the insult, not necessarily the conscious level, it hurts us. We dismiss things we don't identify with, but not the thing we do. I think in that case you have to treat the insult like an unhealthy or irrational automatic thought and use CBT to counter it.

VickiesPath · Nov 01, 2009, 04:20 PM

I hate Phoenix.

When I first moved here, I decided I hate the people, I hate the drivers, I hate the houses, I hate the weather, I simply hate Phoenix. Then I told myself that when I got used to it, that would change. I was right.

Ten years later, I hate it more.

People here are the rudest people I've ever met.

Having said that.........................

Yesterday, our group therapist said, "That does it mean when someone criticizes you?"

The entire class was dumbfounded. No one made a sound for five minutes. No one could come up with an answer. He asked the question again. "What does it mean when someone criticizes you?"

The answer: It means that someone is being critical.

Hence: No one is wrong or right. It simply reflects on the person performing the action.

Briester · Nov 02, 2009, 07:39 AM

Fenrir, I've always been sensitive to criticism and the thick skin stuff has just evaded me too. I know the pain as I was relentless teased when young and had bad experiences later in life. I try every day to not take things to heart but I still do a lot of times.

All I can say is try to let it bounce off of you, sometimes it works for me and sometimes not. Merlin is right though, the CBT exercises do help sometimes.

Wishing you the best.

lonegael · Nov 02, 2009, 02:30 PM

I can obsess for years about soemthing someone said, especially if they manage to get me good when I'm down. That and criticism of competancy make me neary sick

When I am not depressed, though, these comments wound me far less and I have the time and energy to handle them as either contructive, or just spouting from someone I don't have to listen to. Still, some nights, stuff 20 years gone can bet the wheels turning again....

Briester · Nov 02, 2009, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lonegael

When I am not depressed, though, these comments wound me far less and I have the time and energy to handle them as either contructive, or just spouting from someone I don't have to listen to. Still, some nights, stuff 20 years gone can bet the wheels turning again....

Same with me lonegael. I can remember so much negative stuff from my classmates when I was like 5 years old. 30+ years ago and I just fume over how I remember myself being then (nice and caring) and now (irl somewhat jaded and protectionist but still caring though wary). I just wish I had the ability to actually not let what someone says now wound me but they do. Glad you are able to do this but I don't remember what it's like to not be depressed.

lonegael · Nov 02, 2009, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Briester

Same with me lonegael. I can remember so much negative stuff from my classmates when I was like 5 years old. 30+ years ago and I just fume over how I remember myself being then (nice and caring) and now (irl somewhat jaded and protectionist but still caring though wary). I just wish I had the ability to actually not let what someone says now wound me but they do. Glad you are able to do this but I don't remember what it's like to not be depressed.

Well, the nature of my beast kind of throws my mood around, so sometimes I'm not even sure if what I am feeling id deprssion, mania or both

I'm not sure what's better.

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