Today, depression will not rob me

ECHOES · Oct 31, 2009, 10:14 AM

I have not been in this low low place for a while.
Why, if I keep ending up here, don't I just say "Oh, well, look!--here I am again. I need to ......".

Today I am doing some activities that do make me feel better although they have nothing to do with why I am depressed, even though they will not change anything. I know how fortunate I am to feel so depressed yet not be totally knocked down by it. Maybe this is an effect of therapy? I do not know. I just know that today is all I have, very depressed... or not.

Just indoor stuff, cleaning and making everything look and smell and feel so nice, rearranging my computer area so it's more comfortable for me, finding some music to motivate while I'm 'doing' and to soothe when I am still again.

And I will be still and meditate or if unable to do that, then listen to a guided imagery or relaxation CD so I can be still and at peace. hopefully.

I am not comforting with the foods I have been comforting with because that is part of my ending up in this low low place.

I am going to care for this person I am today.
This person I am today is sad, lonely, discouraged, worried, fearful....
If my best friend came to me in this way, how would I want to respond?
(I say *want to* because I'm not so good at that, outside my head)

Make no mistake, I am hating myself. But I am going to split this most hurting part off for the day, and just take care of her.

I'm going to begin with a moment of stillness where I watch in my mind this part of me experiencing a long, slow, holding, warm hug. As long as she needs it to be, she can be the one to end the hug.

After that... we will clean up around here together, and think about what we might do after the cleaning up is done and the surroundings look and feel nice.

Maybe I will come back here later for an update.

Maybe you can embrace that part of you, too. Take her along while you do what you need to do, or let that part of you rest while you do what you need to do for the moment or day.