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#1
Oct 31, 2009, 07:37 AM
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I don't want to live anymore.
There are too many obstacles and too many difficulties. My chest is tight. I am scared. I am angry. I am hopeless. I am nothing. I really want to die. I stopped taking my meds earlier this year. Now I am being put back on meds, but one at a time and it is taking forever! I am only on med two and it's been 6 weeks. I start another one on Monday and who knows how long that will take to titrate up to a therapeutic level??? I hate this waiting in agony. But it is all my fault. I am the one who stopped the meds and went bonkers. And I have to wait to find out my fate as far as being transferred to an outpatient clinic. I have to wait to see what it is like, how intense it is, how much time it will take and when I start. Only then will I be able to know my schedule so I can fit volunteer work around it. I don't even know if volunteer work is even a possibility and I have already been hired!!! Wait, wait, wait... I am 43 years old. I've waited my whole life and I'm sick of it. Is it too late to live? I think it might be. I think I'd rather die than keep waiting.
__________________
I love your faults because they are part of you and I love you. --my BFF [center][b][color=#92d050][font=Verdana] |
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#2
Oct 31, 2009, 07:49 AM
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(((((((Berries))))))
Please do wait, it might seem long and painful for you right now but you dont know what is waiting for you around the corner. I experienced changes in meds lately and I experienced total despair also but it has gotten better, it will for you also. There are good days ahead and you will be able to do volunteer work when it is time. Take very good care of yourself, you are a very caring important person and we care 
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 Berries, Naturefreak
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#3
Oct 31, 2009, 08:03 AM
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(((((((((((((((((((beries))))))))))))
dont give up...never never never give up..... we need you here .....
__________________
As long as people aren't asking me if i'm all right, i am alright. |
| Berries, lonegael, Naturefreak
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#4
Oct 31, 2009, 08:07 AM
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breathe deep, one hour at a time. talk to yourself, talk about getting through the next hour or 15 minutes what ever works. make the bed, throw away old stuff anything that gets you through the next few minutes, then go to another small chore. Hold on. imagine that the meds are coursing through you building up strength. I stopped my meds because I was tired of being the "sick" one. they are a gift that you are opening. not open yet, but you are on the way.
Hope this helps in some little way |
| Berries, lonegael, Naturefreak
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#5
Oct 31, 2009, 09:25 AM
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Let it be written in the Chronicles of the Life of Berries that in the year 2008, in the eleventh month thereof, that she did join herself to the cyber-community known as PsychCentral, and that during the course of the following year Berries, displaying her caring character in the midst of the despair and befuddlement of encompassing illness, did endear herself to aforesaid cyber-community, and great was the endearment thereof.
((((((( Berries! )))))))
__________________
My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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| Berries, justfloating, lonegael, lynn P., Naturefreak
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#6
Oct 31, 2009, 09:35 AM
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 (((Berries))) 
__________________
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| Berries
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#7
Oct 31, 2009, 11:30 AM
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(((((Berries)))) I'm almost sure you are hurting too much to care, but it is good that you have a careful pdoc who understands what could happen to you if you take this too fast. Listen to the others dear. Concentrate on your breathing, come back to that every time you feel that panic starting. As long as that is going, you are fine, even if you don't feel like it. See how your breathing affects your heartbeat as you dbreath in, and out. You might try breathing as if you are singing a song, short in, long, drawn out out. You aren't six months off from now, hon, you are here, now, and we are pulling for you. I'd be really sad if you left, Berries.
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| Berries, Naturefreak
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#8
Oct 31, 2009, 12:39 PM
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(((((((Berries))))))))
It sounds like you are in so much pain. But I am sure that you have gotten through this before, and you will get through this again. Be gentle with yourself. You are valuable. Don't take too much on at once.
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| Berries, Naturefreak
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#9
Oct 31, 2009, 01:40 PM
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Waiting is very, very, very hard. We all symphasize.
__________________
The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The Beginning 
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| Berries, Naturefreak
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#10
Oct 31, 2009, 02:47 PM
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there is always more... you're going forwards not backwards right now and that is good. Keep fighting, I'm cheering for you
__________________
 Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
| Berries, Naturefreak
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#11
Nov 01, 2009, 09:59 AM
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(((((((((((Berries))))))))))))
 I know it hurts. I get sick of waiting too. But it's NOT too late to live, and on top of that, you DESERVE to be able to live your life.
__________________
Rebecca "If you're going through hell -- keep going." - Winston Churchill It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. - Elizabeth Gilbert Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong, we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on. Bring on the wonder, bring on the song, I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. - Susan Enan http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/ |
| Berries
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#12
Nov 01, 2009, 10:22 AM
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I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed right now Berries. You're doing the right thing by reaching out and talking about your feelings. Instead of feelnig frustrated about the future- how about you take it moment by moment because that's all we really have right now anyways - right? Try to keep yourself busy with things you find pleasurable. I understand you're trying to make shorterm goals, but if they're stressing you out then put them on hold for now. When I answer questions in the Q&A section and encounter someone who's really sad I give them this link:
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ Truthfully we want you to keep waiting and live so please take care of yourself.
__________________
 This is our little cutie Bella *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
| Berries
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