[Ali Rocks]

Hi All, I have been a 13yr old son who is now on Lexapro and a mild anti psychotic. As you can probably appreciate the doctors never determined if his "onset" is genetic or situational. We are one day post hospitilization (which he claims did not help, and no surprise there...a lot of people trying to cope and kept in an "artificial" environment.) My son still notes suicidal ideations though he ceased mentioning this in the hospital. He says he feels suicidal (of course I cannot ignore this). Trying to avoid a half hour discussion where I am "talking him" from the edge I let him know something at the job is pulling me away from the call and ask that he call me back in 30 min. (Nail biter). He does not call. He seems to be okay says the housekeeper/nanny. Is he going through puberty and manipulating me. He is very smart, not known to be "crafty" but has really done a number on me over the past year (before I knew he was suffering from depression and only thought he had a physical infliction...)

Any recommendations for how to interact with my son?

All advices, suggestions are appreciated. I am so out of my element and feel so unsettled.

Thanks Ali

[Rohag]

Hello, Ali Rocks!

Here are a few links while you wait for someone better equipped to answer your question:

PsychCentral Caregivers Support Forum
Doc John's Suicide Resources
Links to articles at TeenHelp.com
Teen Suicide.us

Wishing you effective communications with your son!

[googley]

Hi,
My first question is, is your son in therapy? If he isn't I would suggest that it is a good idea. You could get a referral from your doctor or psychiatrist (or health insurance). This will give you a second person who your son can talk to and also help you learn how to better discuss these issues with your son as from your description it seems like you two are not totally connecting. It will be important for you to set up issues like confidentiality before hand so your son knows what types of things he says in therapy will make it back to you and what he can say without you finding out. Good luck with your son.

[gimmeice]

Hello ali rocks, it's nice to meet you, welcome to psych central.
I agree that therapy could help both of you learn how to communicate better. Another idea is to check out to see if there are any local support groups that you could join to meet others going through similar situations.

[Briester]

Hi Ali. Welcome to PC. I'm sorry that I don't have anywhere near as good a words as the others who've already posted. They are all wonderful people here and their advice is sound. All I can say is that I feel for you. Until we had our baby I hadn't really been able to understand but now that he's 9 months I can see how it would be so worrying and distressing is something was happening with him. You're a good mother for caring so much about him.

I truly hope things get better. It could very well be puberty or something could be happening at school that he's not telling you.

Warm wishes to you both.

Chris

[Ali Rocks]

Thanks so much for all of your support and responses.

Yes, my son is in therapy. I feel that this is a very slow process and have not seen results yet... I do realize it takes time, but when you have a child calling you multiple times a day telling you that he is feeling suicidal, progress seems impossibly slow. Please know that my son is very verbal and though he is free with his "thinking of suicide" I now feel that his "vocalizing his thoughts" and the low state of his mood does not equate an actual intent or plan to take "final steps." I think he calls and tells me becuase he knows I care and he feels to discuss his mood/outlook with me. Don't get me wrong, it is REALLY stressful but while I try to be there for him and help him re-focus, I feel that this emotional tanking has to level out somewhere... maybe when the Lexapro usage reaches the 6 week mark!

Again, thanks so much guys!

[jrae]

Ali,

sound like you are doing a wonderful job. i can't really say how your son feels, because i am the opposite of him, very interverted. I don't tell my parents about my suicide "thoughts" because i know how they will react, just like you do. just keep in mind the because you son talks about it, doesn't mean he is planning it. some people just like sharing ideas out loud with others; others think everything inside before they speak. if he changes and stops thinking aloud, then i would be worried.

then again, what do i know. i'm twenty-four, and it took my parents years to notice something was wrong with me. but if you want to talk about it, just let me know. i'm almost on year four of trying meds and no luck so far.

jrae

[ECHOES]

If you aren't already in family therapy, that could be a great help to help you.
Manipulation, to me, stems from a need that the person doesn't know how to express in other ways. Suicidal ideation can be a quantifying statement: "I am in THIS much pain/confusion/frustration/fear...".

[lonegael]

((((Ali))))). I know how hard it can be to talk to a teenage boy rationally about his felings, even if there is nothing going wrong. It's really good that he is talking to you, and that you are willing to talk through his problems with you even if it is stressful for you. I would like to agree with the above posts in most ways, but I remember my own problems as a depressed teenager as well.
Keeping in mind the wise words of the other posters, I would also beg you not to be too complascent with your son's expressions of wanting to end it all. He may not have sustained intent, I know I didn't, but a lot of teens will act on impulses, and the more he talks about doing something, the more he trains himself to see such actions as a possibilty for himself. That's what it was for me. On impulse I olmost went out a window six stories up, hurt myself severely in other ways, etc. This is not to say I hadn't thought of how to do it before, but actually doing it was an impulse.
Don't keep him from talking about it, but make sure that you actively pursue GOOD medical and therapy help for him. Don't hang in with a therapist who he doesn't mesh with in hopes of seeing a miracle happen. (((Ali))) my heart and my prayers go out to you. You must be living through hell right now.

[trevorzero]

I'm a little surprised that he is not hospitalized right now. I hope you have begun to investigate programs that might be suitable for him.