[Naturefreak]

The last couple of weeks my father has been going out a few nights a week and he thinks I'm a ******* idiot.
He says he's going to visit his uncle which he hasn't seen in a while or his friend from work that wants him to visit.
He plasters himself with Brut cologne and the evidence is crystal clear . Small female like fingerprints all over the passenger side dash of his car which are clearly visible when the sunlight shines on the dust that is rarely cleaned.
A soda pop lid near the gas pedal . He doesn't drink pop. Radio station changed to hip-hop.
He's diabetic. Every day I cook his meals and today I was putting on a chicken. He tells me he has to go over to his
friends and will be late so he'll just put on a can of soup when he gets back. I don't care that he may be seeing someone.
The main issue I have is that he is lying to me.
No maybe Babysteps he is telling the truth.........
Don't even go there.
I'm so ******* angry right now I tossed the chicken in a pot and belted it into the oven . Yelling out curse words and scared the dogs to death , which I am sorry for.
WHY?
WHY?
WHY?
This will throw my depression in a slumper for sure and I already decided I want nothing to do with Christmas or anything else for that matter.
I feel like smashing his false teeth in.
Sorry , this is out of character for me but I just had enough of the bull****.

[lynn P.]

I agree I think we all hate being lied to (((Babysteps))). If he told you the truth - would you accept him going out?? Why do you think he feels the need to lie - meaning is he a liar by nature or is he avoiding confrontation? I also don't think you should be obligated to cook for him. When he comes home he can eat leftovers or open his own darn soup - does he like 'darn chicken noodle or darn tomatoe soup'? Sorry had to add some humor.

I really think you need to live on your own. One thing that stuck out in your post was the music turned on to 'hip hop' - I can't picture a woman your Dad's age liking hip hop - so are you bugged he might be paying for sex??? If he was dating someone respectable, you would think he would introduce you, so maybe he's ashamed of himself that he needs to pay for it(hope I'm not offending you). Try not to let it bother you. Not a fan of Brut BTW - gasp, gasp.

[Rohag]

((((((( Babysteps! )))))))

[turquoisesea]

(((((((Babysteps))))))))))))

I hate being lied to.
Maybe you could confront him about this an how you feel?

[Berries]

(((((((((((((Babysteps)))))))))))

I hate being lied to also. I am sorry you feel so depressed and frustrated. I would be too.
I am in your corner. You matter and you are worthy of respect and honesty.

[Pomegranate]

ChrisDo you know anything about co-dependency or alanon? I'm not saying your dad is an alcoholic. But I think YOU need to detach yourself, with love, from your father. It sounds like you are too emotionally involved with him and it is having a bad effect on you and your mental health. I hope you will try therapy or read some self help books or try some support group meetings that relate to co-dependency.

None of us have control over other people. We only have control (sometimes, as we learn how to) over ourselves. Being able to detach from others with love is a source of peace and mental health.

My own experience has been that at first when trying to do this, the "love" in "detaching with love" is not there. It produces anger and guilt. But the more you keeping trying, keep learning, the anger and guilt leaves and your perception of others becomes very clear. That makes it easier to not be overly emotionally involved with anyone. Even a close family member.

[lynn P.]

^^^^^
Great advice Pomegranate

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

One thing that stuck out in your post was the music turned on to 'hip hop' - I can't picture a woman your Dad's age liking hip hop - so are you bugged he might be paying for sex??? .

I just mentioned hip-hop because that seems to be the in thing nowadays. It is always on his favorite country station , he never listens to the new stuff. Paying for sex lol He buys everything at the dollar store . Not very likely Lynn. And the Brut makes me want to puke.

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by Pomegranate

I'm not saying your dad is an alcoholic.

He hasn't had a drink in a few years now but when he did he could get nasty. Thanks anyway Pom

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Are you concerned it is someone far too young for him?

I know if my dad was single and I lived with him, he would be MY dad and woe betide anyone who wanted to start a relationship with him.

Maybe he knows this and so is just keeping it from you for both those reasons?

Rhiannon

[lynn09]

In previous posts regarding your father, (((((Babysteps))))) we have discussed how he likes to control your emotions - gives him a sense of dominance, power, and control over you, especially by withholding from you whatever it is you need - love, acceptance, trust, to be respected and treated like an adult, etc. Quite frankly, this just sounds like another one of his little mind games - just pulling the strings to get a rise out of you.

Pom's suggestion about a co-dependency or alanon group really is relevant - the principles are applicable regardless of whether or not the individual you are dealing with is an alcoholic or not. It teaches you about the dynamics of a co-dependent relationship wherein those involved are essentially trapped in a web of lies, manipulation, and a constant tug of war of wills. If nothing else, (((Babysteps))), pick up a few books on co-dependency - they can give you some very good insight into the dynamics of the relationship and some tools for defusing the confrontations - beating him at his own game, so to speak. Good luck with this - don't let him get your goat - you can't afford to have anyone playing games with your emotions and mental health.

(I didn't know that they even still made Brut!)

[lonegael]

"[/QUOTE]He buys everything at the dollar store[QUOTE]

Babysteps, there are some ladies of negotiable affection who fall into that category as well

His playing the secrets game is just a wee bit annoying, I agree that it might be time to ask him straight out, and ask him why he thinks he needs to lie about it.
I could see being VERY annoyed if someone who I did a lot for appeared to hold me so lightly that they would imagine I could be so easily played, or simply duped. I could see that becoming a huge issue rather than that person going out or deciding to have his chicken soup darned or undarned
Question; what can you do so that YOU feel better, my friend. He's a grown man, perhaps even an annoying one, but if he don't want to ply ball, he won't. How can you manage to make this work for YOU?
Huge hugs, wish you didn't live over there so that you could come over and let us cook for you for a change. take care of yourself.

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by lynn09

(I didn't know that they even still made Brut!)

That is just toooooooooo funny Lynn.
I wish they didn't.

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by lonegael

"

He buys everything at the dollar store

Babysteps, there are some ladies of negotiable affection who fall into that category as well

.

I never said it was a bad thing . I get most of my stuff there too.
It's amazing what you can get for a dollar.

[lynn P.]

So who do you think the lucky lady is?? Is it the lady who called a while back who lost her husband? Does it bother you, he might have a lady friend? Did you know this sounds like I'm being nosey?

[lonegael]

I didn't say it was a bad thing!!! they probably LIKE Brut!
Hope you feel better about this soon, Babysteps. I don't mean the Brut. That's a bit much to ask. Hugs!

[lynn P.]

I didn't say it was a bad thing!!! they probably LIKE Brut

^^^
Oh yes it is a bad thing. I will be brave and admit that I don't like the smell of Brut - so close your ears Brut users. - (meant in a joking way)

[Berries]

((((((((((Babysteps))))))))))))

How are you feeling?
How are things progressing between you and your father and his "secret" life?