[darkpurplesecrets]

So many times I find myself lost in a moment that no one else can touch. A moment that time has erased yet somewhere within that moment----that time goes on. For it is not only I that holds within the marks and bruises that not even time can erase but many others feeling this night and all it holds.. For not even I know everything that lies within amongst the selves. The pain and horror etched so deep within where once a child could not touch or be of herself. Only time wraps itself amongst each and at times reflects back through the eyes of myself. Sometimes the reflections are vivid leaving no doubt to what one holds, sometimes the reflections are so pale not even an eye blinks yet it is there if one could just see it.

Silence becomes a word or words that come together to scream out what cannot be written among these lines. The tears wiped up before they even start could fall like rains of a hurricane if allowed. They say damaging winds could destroy a house, what can the winds blowing a life into a tale-spin do? Feeling caught up in a twister both inside and out. How does one explain what is going on? Where does one find the words to make sense? How does one know anyone cares enough to hear?

The thirteenth, Friday----a night that flashes before our eyes and our memories filling our hearts with a sorrow we cannot tell. There is no one within calm, and me without on edge fighting so hard to be okay. So where am I within all these words? Do I exist or am I an echo of someone deep within? Tears burning my eyes yet they will not fall, words jumbling within to where I cannot make sense of anything. Memories so near yet me running trying to find safety from it all. Please let me go----Please don’t hold me prisoner to these fears that come so alive when no one sees or hears. Within crying out the very words that so much need to be released. Without trying to be strong and together so no one knows of this raging storm within. A little girl never given the right to live----an adult now afraid to reach out and let anyone in.

All day I sat with memories flooding. All these visions filling my head but never being able to say a word not even a whisper to be heard. Help echoing within the corridors of our mind yet silence echoing without. Wishing somehow someone could hear me, just somehow. Afraid to say anything for fear no one wants to hear it or can. Feeling as though we are too much and that I cannot open up. Where is safety? How does one know it is okay to say anything or if one does not want to be heard. Feeling so out of place one does not belong. Home is not home. We feel we belong nowhere. Our hearts asking so many questions yet there are no answers. Trying to make everyone proud of us that we can handle this ourselves but screaming within what no one can hear. We are alone in this night. We are trying to fade into the background. We are not pushing anyone away but know that no one can stop this for us.

I know to you and others that night is nothing but a night. This day is nothing but a day. But for us it holds so much more. More than you even know. I know we have not said anything for we are trying to be good. To keep within for it is not anyone’s place to hear. Knowing full well that no one is able to give us answers just as we cannot give answers to ourselves.. We are trying really we are.

Today, another day, yet the memories swirl around in a haze and we are afraid to be heard or really seen. Hiding away any sense of the tears we are crying and any need for anyone. Yet these words scream out something else that not even our eyes can hide. Just another day, another time, yet everything comes rushing back in full force. And there are those within that are flashing thoughts that we cannot even tell anyone. Just be good. Just be…………………

A call, a voice, we know. No questions, no answers, just we know.

dps

[gimmeice]

((((((((( dps ))))))))))))))))

Sending you many hugs Please know that you are in my thoughts, you are such a kind, caring person and deserve only the best that life has to offer. I am very sorry that you are going through a hard time.

[idontknow13]

((((((((dps)))))))
My thoughts are with you

[Rohag]

Hello, Darkpurplesecrets!

Originally Posted by DPS

Knowing full well that no one is able to give us answers just as we cannot give answers to ourselves.

I think I see something of myself in this, though I may be misreading your intent.

I've long sought answers, but whatever self-knowledge I may have been able to gather exists detached, interesting but (so far?) useless. I have to ask myself if knowing the deep whys of my illnesses would help me climb out of the pit. I guess I am, or have become, a "try to cope without 'why'" kind of person.

DPS, I hope somehow you can take the abundant well-wishes of your friends here and present them as gifts to the hiding child within. May they bring gladness to the child, and may the gladness rise to the adult.

[Naturefreak]

(((Darkpurplesecrets)))
I'm so sorry you feel so lost and scared my friend.
I'm glad you are reaching out to us and please take good care of you .
I don't really know exactly what you are going through but I wish with all my heart that it would just go away. You give so much to us all DPS. It's just so sad. We are listening

[alittlehoshime]

Originally Posted by darkpurplesecrets

So many times I find myself lost in a moment that no one else can touch. A moment that time has erased yet somewhere within that moment----that time goes on. For it is not only I that holds within the marks and bruises that not even time can erase but many others feeling this night and all it holds.. For not even I know everything that lies within amongst the selves. The pain and horror etched so deep within where once a child could not touch or be of herself. Only time wraps itself amongst each and at times reflects back through the eyes of myself. Sometimes the reflections are vivid leaving no doubt to what one holds, sometimes the reflections are so pale not even an eye blinks yet it is there if one could just see it.

Silence becomes a word or words that come together to scream out what cannot be written among these lines. The tears wiped up before they even start could fall like rains of a hurricane if allowed. They say damaging winds could destroy a house, what can the winds blowing a life into a tale-spin do? Feeling caught up in a twister both inside and out. How does one explain what is going on? Where does one find the words to make sense? How does one know anyone cares enough to hear?

The thirteenth, Friday----a night that flashes before our eyes and our memories filling our hearts with a sorrow we cannot tell. There is no one within calm, and me without on edge fighting so hard to be okay. So where am I within all these words? Do I exist or am I an echo of someone deep within? Tears burning my eyes yet they will not fall, words jumbling within to where I cannot make sense of anything. Memories so near yet me running trying to find safety from it all. Please let me go----Please don’t hold me prisoner to these fears that come so alive when no one sees or hears. Within crying out the very words that so much need to be released. Without trying to be strong and together so no one knows of this raging storm within. A little girl never given the right to live----an adult now afraid to reach out and let anyone in.

All day I sat with memories flooding. All these visions filling my head but never being able to say a word not even a whisper to be heard. Help echoing within the corridors of our mind yet silence echoing without. Wishing somehow someone could hear me, just somehow. Afraid to say anything for fear no one wants to hear it or can. Feeling as though we are too much and that I cannot open up. Where is safety? How does one know it is okay to say anything or if one does not want to be heard. Feeling so out of place one does not belong. Home is not home. We feel we belong nowhere. Our hearts asking so many questions yet there are no answers. Trying to make everyone proud of us that we can handle this ourselves but screaming within what no one can hear. We are alone in this night. We are trying to fade into the background. We are not pushing anyone away but know that no one can stop this for us.

I know to you and others that night is nothing but a night. This day is nothing but a day. But for us it holds so much more. More than you even know. I know we have not said anything for we are trying to be good. To keep within for it is not anyone’s place to hear. Knowing full well that no one is able to give us answers just as we cannot give answers to ourselves.. We are trying really we are.

Today, another day, yet the memories swirl around in a haze and we are afraid to be heard or really seen. Hiding away any sense of the tears we are crying and any need for anyone. Yet these words scream out something else that not even our eyes can hide. Just another day, another time, yet everything comes rushing back in full force. And there are those within that are flashing thoughts that we cannot even tell anyone. Just be good. Just be…………………

A call, a voice, we know. No questions, no answers, just we know.

dps

(((((Dps))))) sorry for the pain . Thanks for sharing also at least knowing that Im not goin thru this thing alone....

with love
carol

[googley]

(((((((DPS))))))
Your writing resonates inside of me. You let us into your life little by little with your posts. I hope you know that people here care for you. Please be gentle with yourself.

[lonegael]

((((((((DPS))))))))) I know that if I go off my meds, the night has claws to tearme with and a voice that whipsers into my brain. I know that if I give in, the day becomes an empty pale shadow of the dark and all the things I fear, hate and despise rise out of my mind and present themselve to me, and that my memories line up to point their fingers and chant their litany of self hate and accusation. I know that if I deny my weakness, I risk never leaving the hole in my past behind. I fall into the abyss of my self.
Please believe me, the aloneless is an illusion, and the night hasn't got any teeth that you or your depression do not equip it with. This does not mean that your fears are your fault or your making, but it does mena that with time and work, you can unmake them. It isn't easy, dear, and there is always the risk of a relapse, but it can be done. You are a real person, you (and that goes for the littles if there are any) are real, you are NOT shades or echoes of some other real person. It doesn't get more real than this. If yoou could stand it, I'd like to crawl into that darkness you are sitting in and sit with you a bit. Can I do that? Hugs, over and over.

[notz]

DPS, I hope somehow you can take the
abundant well-wishes of your friends here and
present them as gifts to the hiding child within.
May they bring gladness to the child, and may
the gladness rise to the adult.

~ Rohag
________________________________________________

Well wishes, best wishes, forever wishes...and love to you, darkpurplesecrets.

notz

[Miracle1986]

(((((dps)))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( dps ))))))))))))))
Thinking of you, my friend

love
furry paws